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None of my kids married within the same religions and it is working out fine. If they wanted to marry an Atheist I would have had a huge problem with that.
None of my kids married within the same religions and it is working out fine. If they wanted to marry an Atheist I would have had a huge problem with that.
Last time I checked, the thing that should be most important to a couple is each other. Religion or metaphysical beliefs are just one of many things they may or may not see entirely eye-to-eye on, and which may or may not be a stress point in the relationship.
You still don't get it, do you? Christianity is not just a hobby, or something we do on Sunday morning. It's a core belief--it's who we are. If a person's faith is shallow enough that they're willing to throw it away and marry someone who isn't a Christian? I guess that says a lot. Part of the reason I married my wife was because she shared my faith. We can pray together, talk about God, etc. It's a major part of who we are. If one person in the marriage is a Christian and they are spending a large amount of time at church, with Christian friends, etc....is that going to help the marriage any more than if one of them was a barhound and spent 30 hours a week at the bar?
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Guess it depends on how you define "thrive" and "maintains a strong faith". My guess is you would not care if a marriage was happy if both spouses were not stalwarts of your church or something equivalent.
On the contrary -- I am deeply saddened by seeing marriages break up -- regardless of whether or not 1 party, both parties, or neither comes to my church. I know of a few couples in the community that don't come to my church and I've prayed for them, knowing they are struggling.
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Because in your narrative, "happy marriage" comes from being enthusiastically and immersively involved in the correct faith. Not only are people incapable of having their own moral convictions or their own thoughtfully held beliefs; they are incapable of maintaining healthy relationships unless mediated by your church.
If you actually read my post, you'd see that it's not about a "correct faith" for marriage as it is that they have the SAME faith. If 2 atheists get married, they are not necessarily any worse off than 2 Christians, as far as the ability to thrive in that marriage.
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I'm curious how you explain people who are committed, involved evangelical fundamentalist Christians and still have marital difficulties. I'm sure that's all their fault somehow, though, and doesn't violate the claim that god will bless your marriage if you are both committed to god and his church.
Ultimately, I've found that it's usually the man not caring for his wife and providing what she needs. Usually he's neglecting her emotionally. But again....my post didn't suggest that both of them being Christians was a good luck charm that would cause God to smile on them and make them last, did it?
Just to liven things up a little, imagine that your son or daughter comes home one day and tells you that they've fallen in love and are planning on getting married. Which would be the least desireable situation, that the person they want to marry is from another religion or that they're an atheist? What actually made me think of this question is that Blueberry and I exchanged some thoughts about the children of unbelievers which made me think that those of us who are atheists are considered to be the dregs of humanity that could cause our own children to be "unclean" (actually Blueberry was very nice and we joked about it). To those of you who are religious would the introduction of a future son or daughter in law who was an atheist be worse than someone of a completely different religion or would you just break out a shotgun?
I don't see a belief system being a problem. I see people priorities being a bigger issue. either it being belief system. drug, alcohol, or whatever.
You still don't get it, do you? Christianity is not just a hobby, or something we do on Sunday morning. It's a core belief--it's who we are. If a person's faith is shallow enough that they're willing to throw it away and marry someone who isn't a Christian? I guess that says a lot. Part of the reason I married my wife was because she shared my faith. We can pray together, talk about God, etc. It's a major part of who we are. If one person in the marriage is a Christian and they are spending a large amount of time at church, with Christian friends, etc....is that going to help the marriage any more than if one of them was a barhound and spent 30 hours a week at the bar?
You know I would have agreed with you a few years ago, but after meeting a lot of folks who are not fundamentalist Christians, and even through people on this board, I no longer think this is true. I assumed that those who did not have dogmatic views were shallow or wishy-washy.
But, what about someone who firmly, deeply, at the core of their being believes in universal reconciliation, and that God is made manifest not in doctrine or restriction but in loving ones fellow man? Why should such a person not be able to have a rich, loving marriage with a person who is an equally fervent atheistic humanist?
I think it where I had it wrong was believing that believers (in any faith) who follow a more liberal theology are somehow less committed, less devout, or less sincere. They can be equally devoted to their faith, but it is the tenants of their faith that allow them to be fully devoted and yet non-exclusionary.
And then beyond that, sometimes you do not need and identical spouse, but a supportive one. I took up running a couple years ago. I have yet to convince my wife to try it, she has no desire to run unless there is a bear or a knife wielding maniac involved... And yet, she is able to be supportive of my running, not get fussy when I have a training run at an inconvenient time, not get jealous because I spend several hours a week running with mostly women, and not be upset when I finish a half and am useless for the rest of the day because I am so burned out. She loves that I run, even though she likely never will.
In the same way, maybe both spouses don't have to share the same religious faith. I mean if James Carville and Mary Matalin can be married and make it work, surely there have to be people who are both secure enough in their own views, and non-judgemental enough to make it work.
Will it work for the OP? That is a different question, and only one that she can answer...
You know I would have agreed with you a few years ago, but after meeting a lot of folks who are not fundamentalist Christians, and even through people on this board, I no longer think this is true. I assumed that those who did not have dogmatic views were shallow or wishy-washy.
But, what about someone who firmly, deeply, at the core of their being believes in universal reconciliation, and that God is made manifest not in doctrine or restriction but in loving ones fellow man? Why should such a person not be able to have a rich, loving marriage with a person who is an equally fervent atheistic humanist?
If they take their beliefs very seriously, and they are unable to share them with each other, then a major part of life is simply closed to each other. They cannot be as open as someone that can share in their experiences.
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I think it where I had it wrong was believing that believers (in any faith) who follow a more liberal theology are somehow less committed, less devout, or less sincere. They can be equally devoted to their faith, but it is the tenants of their faith that allow them to be fully devoted and yet non-exclusionary.
And then beyond that, sometimes you do not need and identical spouse, but a supportive one. I took up running a couple years ago. I have yet to convince my wife to try it, she has no desire to run unless there is a bear or a knife wielding maniac involved... And yet, she is able to be supportive of my running, not get fussy when I have a training run at an inconvenient time, not get jealous because I spend several hours a week running with mostly women, and not be upset when I finish a half and am useless for the rest of the day because I am so burned out. She loves that I run, even though she likely never will.
If she can be supportive of that, great. I'm saying your marriage might be even BETTER if she was a runner, too -- so you could share that.
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In the same way, maybe both spouses don't have to share the same religious faith. I mean if James Carville and Mary Matalin can be married and make it work, surely there have to be people who are both secure enough in their own views, and non-judgemental enough to make it work.
Will it work for the OP? That is a different question, and only one that she can answer...
-NoCapo
I can only go by what I know. I know that my faith is a major part of my life. Any Christian should be able to say the same thing. I know my marriage would not be as strong as it is if my wife was not able to share that with me.
I honestly have no idea how Carvill and Matalin can remain married with having as different views as they do, but God wants even more of us than what our political ideologies require.
NoCapo. So your faith, or now no faith, was decided by a few meetings with other non-believers? Remember it is much easier not to believe and many people take that route because don't have to think about religion, church, God or history. I would understand easier if you studied history and came to your own conclusion but perhaps you found easier to just walk away. It is only a question you can answer...
NoCapo. So your faith, or now no faith, was decided by a few meetings with other non-believers? Remember it is much easier not to believe and many people take that route because don't have to think about religion, church, God or history. I would understand easier if you studied history and came to your own conclusion but perhaps you found easier to just walk away. It is only a question you can answer...
No, leaving my faith was one of the hardest, and yet most liberating things I have ever done, but that was years ago. What I am talking about is the idea that theologically liberal believers are somehow less devoted, less committed, or wishy-washy. This is how i viewed them as a believer, and that view persisted as a non-believer. It wasn't until I actually met, both in person and here on CD, liberal Christians, Muslims, and Jews that I realized that the world is not divided into the fundamentalists and "fakes".
For me one of the light bulb moments about this was meeting and talking with the local Lutheran pastor, who was deeply religious, and very committed the God. She was also deeply committed to her (female) partner. While her understanding of Christianity was totally different that what I had experienced (I would have been right at home in Viz's church), she was none the less a devout and wholehearted believer.
This is my point, that there are some, perhaps many, variants of religious belief (even Christianity) that can be more or less "equally yoked" with a believer of a different religion or no religion at all. If your particular understanding of your religion does not allow this, it is a reflection of the theology to which you adhere, not a measure of your devotion, sincerity, or depth of conviction.
Thanks for your explanation NoCopo. I understand everyone has their own opinions and beliefs, although yours differ from mine I respect it because you have thought it though. What I have hard time is with people that change their belief because of what their friends think without taking the time to develop their own opinion on personal experience and research. Peace.
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