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Old 07-25-2011, 02:11 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,910 posts, read 25,382,379 times
Reputation: 26461

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Let's discuss the pluses and minuses of marrying late in life. Is it worth it? For the sake of discussion, let's say you aren't wealthy. Money has a way of changing things! What's the advantage of getting married?

Here's my understanding of how SS works. If I'm not married, I get my SS and he gets his. If we marry, we both get less. I also think there is a tax 'marriage penalty' and married people pay more taxes. Please correct me if I am wrong.

So, kids aren't an issue at our age and all the financial/medical issues can be dealt with by wills/legal documents. Maybe you would set up a corporation to own your house? A one time expense that shouldn't be outrageous.

Last, all the ugly stuff. If/when my partner gets sick or requires extensive medical help, I can't lose what is mine to pay his bills. If he dies, I'm not responsible for the bills he leaves behind. And the same thing holds true in reverse if I am the one who gets sick first. He can't lose his home or be held responsible for my bills.

I must be missing something here. What are the big advantages? What have I left out? I've been thinking about this for a while and it confuses me that older couples don't get divorced for financial reasons.
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Old 07-25-2011, 02:42 PM
 
7,342 posts, read 16,675,997 times
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Some older/Senior couples simply LOVE being married, like wife and I!! We have never, ever thought about the financially end of it because we like sharing finances! I'll be on SS/Early Retirement, know that I'll get tax taken out due to my wife making so much, be we DON'T CARE! To us, marriage is SHARING.........finances, bed, vehicle, cooking, on and on! She has always made a better salary than me and that doesn't bother her at all........money goes into one account that we both have access to, but other than bills, she doesn't spend without telling me and I'm the same way! When I had my hip replacement and rotator cuff surgery, she was at the hospital each day (hip) and took some days off of work to be at home with me for each surgery. When it came to medication and rehab costs, our finances and medical insurance covered it!
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Old 07-25-2011, 02:42 PM
 
Location: Northern panhandle WV
3,007 posts, read 2,182,902 times
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Assuming you are over 60 when you are marrying, you can either each keep your own SS, there is no getting less. Also say one of you was a highly paid person and receives high SS and the other receives less than 50% of that amount they can move up to collect on the current spouses record and receive up to 50% of the amount the higher earner is getting.

Nor is there a marriage penalty.

Not sure where you got your ideas from.
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Old 07-25-2011, 02:42 PM
 
Location: Florida
2,291 posts, read 4,957,705 times
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If you are planning not to have children, why marry? Why comingle anything, it will not enhance the relationship one little bit.

To me, I see no reason to marry.
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Old 07-25-2011, 02:48 PM
 
7,342 posts, read 16,675,997 times
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Some couples are "old fashion" in that respect. Wife and I did "live together" for a year before marrying, but she had an engagement ring on the entire time. One of the "biggee" things we both liked about each other from the beginning was that we BOTH were "marriage minded". For various reasons, some ok, others not so ok, people younger and older don't believe in marriage. We both had been married a couple of times before and in bad relationships as well, but that sure didn't stop us from loving and marrying again!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dollydo View Post
If you are planning not to have children, why marry? Why comingle anything, it will not enhance the relationship one little bit.

To me, I see no reason to marry.
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Old 07-25-2011, 02:59 PM
 
Location: delaware
688 posts, read 866,702 times
Reputation: 2367
Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
Let's discuss the pluses and minuses of marrying late in life. Is it worth it? For the sake of discussion, let's say you aren't wealthy. Money has a way of changing things! What's the advantage of getting married?

Here's my understanding of how SS works. If I'm not married, I get my SS and he gets his. If we marry, we both get less. I also think there is a tax 'marriage penalty' and married people pay more taxes. Please correct me if I am wrong.

So, kids aren't an issue at our age and all the financial/medical issues can be dealt with by wills/legal documents. Maybe you would set up a corporation to own your house? A one time expense that shouldn't be outrageous.

Last, all the ugly stuff. If/when my partner gets sick or requires extensive medical help, I can't lose what is mine to pay his bills. If he dies, I'm not responsible for the bills he leaves behind. And the same thing holds true in reverse if I am the one who gets sick first. He can't lose his home or be held responsible for my bills.

I must be missing something here. What are the big advantages? What have I left out? I've been thinking about this for a while and it confuses me that older couples don't get divorced for financial reasons.


i was married for over thirty five years when my husband died nine years ago. i met my current significant other fairly soon after my husband's death; we have been a couple- not married - for eight years. i have my pension, my husband's pension, and social security, plus some ( not a large amount ) of savings, investments. i really don't need financial support; he has no pension but much more in the way of investments and liquid cash.
we have discussed marriage quite a bit, and when i was first widowed, this had more appeal for me than it does now. some my interest then was based on history- i married at 23, it was a generally good marriage- and marriage is a higher level of committment than the relationship i'm in. it was how i had always lived. now i'm glad that i didn't marry although we are both committed to each other for the long haul, so to speak, and have the wills, powers of attorney, medical decision making forms, etc, in place. we each have our own house( 15 min. apart ) although he spends 4-5 days out of the week usually at my house, and we consider ourselves married in every way except legally.
for some i feel marriage still offers a greater sense of security, and for older women- over 55- it was the social model in which they were reared. therefore any thing less than that is not enough. for me, at this point in time, i have some freedom, independence that i might not have if were married. i do think that marriage increases expectations for both the man and woman, and although i had a good, close marriage, i've done that,and i'm not quite the same person i was when i was married for all those years. although fifteen years ago i could have never predicted my life as it is now, this arrangement, which was an evolving one over time, works for me.

catsy girl
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Old 07-25-2011, 03:10 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,910 posts, read 25,382,379 times
Reputation: 26461
Quote:
Originally Posted by arwenmark View Post
Assuming you are over 60 when you are marrying, you can either each keep your own SS, there is no getting less. Also say one of you was a highly paid person and receives high SS and the other receives less than 50% of that amount they can move up to collect on the current spouses record and receive up to 50% of the amount the higher earner is getting.

Nor is there a marriage penalty.

Not sure where you got your ideas from.
Thanks! Like I said, I could be wrong! So the key is not to get married until you are 60 plus.
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Old 07-25-2011, 03:23 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,188 posts, read 8,716,908 times
Reputation: 6217
Smile The commitment

The commitment would be important to me.
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Old 07-25-2011, 03:30 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,910 posts, read 25,382,379 times
Reputation: 26461
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBoating View Post
Some older/Senior couples simply LOVE being married, like wife and I!! We have never, ever thought about the financially end of it because we like sharing finances! I'll be on SS/Early Retirement, know that I'll get tax taken out due to my wife making so much, be we DON'T CARE! To us, marriage is SHARING.........finances, bed, vehicle, cooking, on and on! She has always made a better salary than me and that doesn't bother her at all........money goes into one account that we both have access to, but other than bills, she doesn't spend without telling me and I'm the same way! When I had my hip replacement and rotator cuff surgery, she was at the hospital each day (hip) and took some days off of work to be at home with me for each surgery. When it came to medication and rehab costs, our finances and medical insurance covered it!
I buy all this. I believe in love and marriage. But you can do all these same things without being married, right? You can be married in your heart but not on paper. After all, marriage is a government institution these days.

I keep on looking at all the 'what ifs'. Let's assume your insurance has a 1 mil cap. Wait... that's not nice and I don't want to wish you ill. So let's say a hypothetical married couple has this insurance and one gets very ill but survives. The medical bills exceed 3 mil. If you are married, you are forced into bankruptcy and you are both ruined. If you are single, the person with the illness files bankruptcy and the partner is fine and can still get a loan, buy a car, etc. Doesn't it scare you a lot that you may be put in this situation? Or a hypothetical SO needs LTC and you run out of money. Can you cope with being financially damaged in one of the most vulnerable times of your life? There's no way for you to remake what you lose. If you are single, the only person who can be hurt is the one who is ill/needs the care. And with their finances exhausted, they would qualify for medicare too.

You are already happily married and that's a great thing. But what if you were contemplating marriage today?

I didn't just pull the 3mil thing out of the air. I know a young couple who are in this position and really suffering financially. They are young enough to recover but the will have to go bankrupt.
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Old 07-25-2011, 03:53 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,547,683 times
Reputation: 29083
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bette View Post
The commitment would be important to me.
And us as well and we married at ages 48 and 50. It's also a token, not just of love and commitment but of trust as well. Religious beliefs also play a part. Another point, between us we have nine grandchildren with another due in a couple of months. We think it important to set the right example for them, and even for our adult children.
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