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I will remember this thread and when I am finally in my own place again I will keep you posted on how things with the family play out.
In my mind right now I constantly replay the moment I get the text message saying they are planning on going away or going out and could I take care of the pets or babysit, the answer will be...
"Should have thought about that before you took the dogs side and chose him over me so the answer is...No Thanks, I'm Good."
Since they (well, she) has estranged everyone around her guess they will not be going anywhere even though they are already asking neighbors if they would be available to watch my 5 year old Granddaughter for a couple of hours each week.
Every year she has to go to Kansas City for a week for work and takes my Son with her, guess that will not be happening and guess my Son will not be able to work during that week, oh well...
Also guess they will not be going on their family vacations, nobody to take care of the animals, again...oh well.
Sorry, just venting, anxiety makes me replay this stuff over and over and...
It’s horrible byte, I’m not surprised you still have anxiety. My husband was bitten from a dog years ago and he still has anxiety today. While I find them cute and adorable, he wouldn’t go near them, especially some large dogs.
Last edited by NewbieHere; 03-05-2019 at 09:36 AM..
I have had "Generalized Anxiety Disorder" for as long as I can remember, dating back to at least 1966 when my Dad was ill although it was never given a name until about 15 years ago.
I have been on Meds (Lexapro/Citalapram/Zoloft) for at least that long but since I have not had health insurance since August I cut back on the amount I have been taking to make them last.
(150 mgs to 50 mgs)
When I am off my meds I get cranky/irritable/very defensive and distant (not all the time, just to people/situations that put me in areas of high stress).
I no longer speak to my DIL and Son anymore than is absolutely necessary but I always keep a smile on my face and a "somewhat" soft voice with my Grandkids, they make me smile and happy, well the 5 and 9 year old, the 16 year old is bossy/mouthy and disrespectful so I do not say anything to him either unless he is being a "D$#K to his siblings which happens on weekends when my Son and DIL go shopping and they are all here together.
Considering everything that is happening I feel I am dealing very well with the current situation.
As far as the animals, I completely ignore them and act as if they are not here so no feeding them, no letting the dog out when he whines,(he is actually whining to go out right now as I am typing this, he is 3 feet from me and I am ignoring him and my Son has headphones on and does not hear him) they have drop what they are doing or get up in the middle of the night to deal with it.
If the dog is somewhere I need to go like the bathroom I make them move him and I am not usually pleasant about it.
If they go to bed early and the cats do not get their "snack" at 10 PM they whine and meow and again, they have to get up and deal with it.
If the cats are doing something they should not be doing or on the table I let them keep doing it, as long as they are not on "my stuff" I couldn't care less.
Sometimes when the adult child and spouse invite a parent to come live with them, they're thinking strictly in terms of the benefits that accrue to them, like so-called free babysitting. They may even think the parent is going to help pay for the addition to their house, which will increase the value.
The question of "How are we all going to get along on a 24/7/365 basis?" doesn't seem to be adequately considered. I say this from the perspective of one who has been in this position. I certainly failed to consider what it would be like living with my FIL full-time. As it turned out, he backed out and I never had to find out. But the manner in which he backed out was illuminating as to what kind of hell our living arrangements would have been.
Why do sons marry bossy women? That's an easy one to answer. Because bossy women are in charge, he doesn't have to be. Decisions are already made. His path is smooth. Men generally don't want to run the household. They're OK with being told where to be and when.
I have no trouble believing these DILs are somewhat obnoxious but look at it this way: You still see him as the adorable child he once was. She has only ever seen him as a man.
Wow.... you said a mouth full, and I believe you are spot on!!!! Men take the bossy women so they dont have to make decisions or be held accountable for things...
You really got it!
Yes it is healing well, Thanks.
Did not think about it but at the time I really had no choice.
On my 63rd birthday at work they seemed to be pushing my buttons and I had enough and walked out, that decision meant that i would collect Social Security and would not be able to afford the apartment I was currently residing in.
It seems to be working out though, I had decided to retire at 62 and applied for SS in May of 2017 then decided to file a withdrawal of application and continue working full time, mostly for benefits.
As it turns out SS screwed up my account, they stopped sending me payments and I did repay the one payment they did send, however, they never approved the withdrawal of application because they kept saying I never repaid the one check they sent which meant that my original application was still in affect and it did take until December 2018 to get it straightened out.
Once they straightened it out I was receiving age 63 benefits (about $75.00 a month more than age 62) and they sent me a big fat check to cover September 2017 (when benefits originally started) until December 2018 when benefits were reinstated.
Being on SS only I qualified for No Cost Health Insurance through the State (goes into affect April 1) and hopefully a new low cost apartment soon.
I am generally not an optimistic person because throughout my life that has always come back to bite me in the A$$ but right now things seem to be falling into place (KNOCK ON WOOD!!!) and if they do then I will have to agree that...
"things happen the way do for a reason".
I agree 100%, when I was married I was "whipped" and wanted it that way, for the most part, took a lot of pressure off.
I totally understand what you are saying. I tend to look behind me when something is going smoothly, waiting for the teethmarks!
Thanks for being so honest to admit the 'whipped' part.. You help me understand so much!
Yes. The lot of them are always arguing with each other, then each one will call my poor wife , 2+ hours away, to try and sway her to their side of the argument. Chronological ages range from 50 to 80, emotional ages are somewhere between 6 and 16 depending upon the individual.
OH I see.. I'm glad your wife has you to support her!
I've been with my husband for more than 25 years. I went into it expecting a partnership of equals. I vowed to myself I would never nag, never complain about messes. If I was unhappy about something, it was up to me to fix it. I had a horror of being bossy. I didn't want him to resent me.
What that got me for the first 10 years was a partner who refused to clean up after himself, refused to do any chores, kept saying he would mow the lawn but wouldn't finish the job, etc. He wouldn't even wash his own clothes. Heaven help me if I didn't examine his socks under the brightest light and match them correctly. (They were all the same color!)
I have never been more miserable being reasonable.
So I changed. Hired a gardener. Told His Nibs that if he didn't do his own laundry it wouldn't get done and no, I would no longer sort his socks in the manner to which he was accustomed. Take it or leave it.
He didn't want to injure himself through over-exertion, so he began by starting the dishwasher every night after I'd loaded it and gone to bed. Gradually he worked up to loading it himself and then, mirabile dictu, cleaning up after I'd prepared a meal. Took the garbage out occasionally. Even wheeled the trash containers out to the curb for pick-up.
Sometimes he will prepare a simple meal and serve it to me.
It still astounds me that I had to become bossy in order to get a partnership of equals.
You are my hero! I'm taking notes. Your husband has to respect you!
My first marriage was like that^^^ for about 6 months. Then I wrote a list of all the home chores and made a line down the bottom of the paer and wrote my name on one side of the line and his on the other. I handed him a pencil and we alternated taking a chore from the list and placing it under our name until it was all divided equally. If it was one of his chores I wouldn't touch it. No reason anyone should be a maid to their able bodied spouse.
Oh FFS - that's where your mind goes? some men marry women very similar to their mother....so there's that...think about it.
That's true, I know, but in my situation I never bossed my son, always let him make his decisions.. I raised him to be a man not a child, but dog gone if he didnt go for the bossy woman.. just like the other's are saying I believe, so he didnt have to make decisions.. it makes sense. I have a brother the same way!
I will remember this thread and when I am finally in my own place again I will keep you posted on how things with the family play out.
In my mind right now I constantly replay the moment I get the text message saying they are planning on going away or going out and could I take care of the pets or babysit, the answer will be...
"Should have thought about that before you took the dogs side and chose him over me so the answer is...No Thanks, I'm Good."
Since they (well, she) has estranged everyone around her guess they will not be going anywhere even though they are already asking neighbors if they would be available to watch my 5 year old Granddaughter for a couple of hours each week.
Every year she has to go to Kansas City for a week for work and takes my Son with her, guess that will not be happening and guess my Son will not be able to work during that week, oh well...
Also guess they will not be going on their family vacations, nobody to take care of the animals, again...oh well.
Sorry, just venting, anxiety makes me replay this stuff over and over and...
Vent away.. I'm on your side!
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Wow.... you said a mouth full, and I believe you are spot on!!!! Men take the bossy women so they dont have to make decisions or be held accountable for things... 
