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Seems like the difference in the article I posted (and this thread) and the one you are referencing is that some sort of "care" would be involved . . . and what this thread is about is women as young as 50 or so grouping together simply for companionship and to pool resources.
But hey - if you think this thread is a repeat, ask the MOD to dump it in with the other one. It won't hurt my feelings, lol.
I just read the article and found it worthy of discussing - especially since the one home they talked about is located only a few hours from me, in Asheville, NC.
The house in the article is owned by one woman who rented out the extra bedrooms. I can't imagine only having a bedroom as your only private space. I spoke with several women I work with about this and all have lived alone, including myself, for many years, decades some. All thought it was an "interesting" idea but when push came to shove all were concerned with having enough space and privacy. Major concern was personalities. Could be really good or a nightmare.
Also, I have pets, will always have pets... what do you do with them? Lots of details to consider, too many.
I agree. It wouldn't be for everyone.
I have my own bedroom suite, which includes my office area in an attached room (along with fridge, Keurig, microwave) and then there is my reading chair and TV . . . so for me, I just close the door and I have plenty of privacy . . . and my dog stays w/ me, 24/7. It would be the other people who were renting out the rooms who would have to decide if the "common areas" offered them enough privacy.
And your notation was acknowledged. Sorry if it seemed I was upset with you! I am not! It really won't hurt my feelings at all if the MOD thinks this one needs to be merged.
I appreciate your observations and thoughts and apologize if it appeared I didn't.
When I was a young idealist many years ago, I looked at joining a monastery or a religious community. I would make some observations from my past experiences that would be germane to this conversation. I think that this is one of the better discussions that have come up and I am glad that it is not being closed.
First, you have to have some commitment among the residents. Everybody has to be an active participant to make the thing work. There has to weekly or monthly discussions as to how problems will be resolved.
Second, you can make the rules up to meet the needs of a residence. Most communities that I have seen have an open kitchen but prepare one community meal a day. In general, people prepare breakfast and lunch on their own and share cooking the dinner meal. That assumes having a common pantry that everybody contributes to. You will find that each participant has certain specialties that get prepared more often than others. You will also find that different people have different cooking abilities. However, i found that over time, the worst cooks get a lot better as others help them.
Third, IMHO, people need their own room for privacy. Sharing a room on a long-term basis is a guarantee of strife. It would have two saints fighting in a matter of weeks.
Fourth, there has to be a lot of thought to the type of common space available in the housing. I always found that having a sitting room for conversation and reading and a SEPARATE television room was critical.
Fifth, one of the toughest thing would be to split the expenses. Now if all the residents have sufficient funds, it is NOT a problem. However, that would be pretty difficult to count on.
I think that this model would work a lot better in other cultures where there is a tradition of living together. I just cannot think of five friends of mine that I would want to live with in what I described.
Finally, the HARDEST thing would be not to kill each other when someone leaves a mess in the communal kitchen and the like.
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Maybe a better model would be the approach of some of the Amish families that I met in Ohio. As the grandparents get old, they move into a small house adjacent to the big house. They still eat with the entire family but they have their privacy and are not having to dodge all of the grandchildren.
I hope that helps.
JLAWRENCE: wonderful post and excellent suggestions and insights.
I think you also outlined some of what could become issues if not handled up front and with commitment from all involved!
Your point about cooking and the pantry is especially well taken. That is something that I have trouble figuring out.
The way the "old fashioned boarding house" owner did it was to have a flat rate per month and the rate included (typically) two meals a day. It sometimes included x amount of laundry a week, too.
I agree that there would need to be a "sitting room" as opposed to a "tv room."
Very interesting info and helpful to the discussion! Thank you!
Thank you, Joan! I had never read this thread before and it is very interesting with a lot of good thoughts about group living arrangements, especially for those who are in need of some assistance with activities of daily living.
The way the "old fashioned boarding house" owner did it was to have a flat rate per month and the rate included (typically) two meals a day. It sometimes included x amount of laundry a week, too.
I agree that there would need to be a "sitting room" as opposed to a "tv room."
Very interesting info and helpful to the discussion! Thank you!
No, there needs to be a sitting room AND a TV room, hopefully a distance apart.
The "rooming house" was a business - usually a way for a widow to remain in her house after the husband died. I am talking more of a co-op.
Actually, it would be a lot easier if one person owned the place as opposed to trying to split it up.
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There has to be some common shared values. If you want to get some idea of the issues in such a lifestyle, read some of the "life in a monastery" portions on some of the monastery websites. Learning to discuss ideas with those who hold counter views and still remaining life long friendships is one of teh more difficult skills to develop.
Or what about senior co-housing communities? Seems to be the best of all worlds... privacy when you want it and plenty of interaction between residents whenever you feel the need. These types of communities tend to work better for folks who are outgoing... doers, those who will pitch in and help out because that's the type of person they are not because they have to.
My wife and I are starting a co-housing community and I'd tell you about it but there appears to be another person who frequents the forum who doesn't like me 'advertising' even though it a non profit arrangement.
Send me a direct message if you'd like to know more about what we're attempting to do.
No, there needs to be a sitting room AND a TV room, hopefully a distance apart.
The "rooming house" was a business - usually a way for a widow to remain in her house after the husband died. I am talking more of a co-op.
Actually, it would be a lot easier if one person owned the place as opposed to trying to split it up.
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There has to be some common shared values. If you want to get some idea of the issues in such a lifestyle, read some of the "life in a monastery" portions on some of the monastery websites. Learning to discuss ideas with those who hold counter views and still remaining life long friendships is one of teh more difficult skills to develop.
Sorry - didn't word that right. I agree - there needs to be a "tv room" and a "sitting room" - and yes, a distance apart. I have that arrangement in my house. It is really aggravating for folks to try to have a conversation while someone else is watching tv or playing video games on the tv, in the same room.
I am thinking it would be easier if there were one owner and everyone else "renting" but I still am not sure about the food situation = i.e, buying groceries, meal prep, menus, and clean up. Not sure how that would work out in a modern situation (as opposed to the "boarding house" situation at the turn of the century).
I think your information about communal living in a monastery would have to be a valuable resource to anyone thinking about grouping together in a home.
In order to avoid codes, ordinances,etc., I think the one owner sharing her home is the ideal model. I am thinking of relatively healthy and independent individuals. I would be fine with a large bedroom and my own bathroom. Others, in the same home, might have a room and share a bath for a lesser contribution.
The pets would have to be as compatible as the people.
You could have separate kitchen cabinets where the friends/residents/tenants could keep their own staples. Everyone would be expected to clean up after themselves. I expect a pleasant routine would develop. I don't mind picking up a little slack in the cleaning. Others would likely have equal skills to offer.
A cleaning person for common areas would be nice.
Anyone who didn't work out would be asked to leave, with the home owner having final authority. Hopefully, we would, with some trial and error, form a cohesive and accommadating group.
And, of course, we would have the freezer full of ice cream and cheesecake for the late night meetings.
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