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Lenora - Are you a Libra - so sound so much like me - hate choices and require simplicity.
You absolutely should not take in the homeless girl - this would be a bad deal for you. Maybe if you live in your son's cottage and then visit friends in warmer spots for the winter? A few breaks can make it very bearable - it's when it's 1 continuous l-o-n-g stretch that we all start to go a bit bugs.
No more choices - move in with your NH son - I can help you with plans off time~~~stay tuned.
Lenora - Are you a Libra - so sound so much like me - hate choices and require simplicity.
You absolutely should not take in the homeless girl - this would be a bad deal for you. Maybe if you live in your son's cottage and then visit friends in warmer spots for the winter? A few breaks can make it very bearable - it's when it's 1 continuous l-o-n-g stretch that we all start to go a bit bugs.
No more choices - move in with your NH son - I can help you with plans off time~~~stay tuned.
I agree on all.
First, I'm always an advocate for homeless individuals but would not take one in to live with me. There is so much inherent instability in being homeless and that affects mental and physical health. I have a friend who allowed a needy grad student in her 40s to live with her under the conditions of paying no rent but supposedly "helping out." Not only did the "housemate" never help out, she also refused to leave after she proved herself a major nuisance to my friend. She finally did leave, on her own terms, without thanks and after two years of free rent, free utilities, and free food. She got her degree by the skin of her teeth.
Second, NH is a great state to live in (if you don't have to pay property taxes ). Rent-free frees up so much income for just living. As she ages, son will be there for her. I'd give my eye teeth to have a similar situation, as would many of us. A few weeks a year in a warmer place and life is good.
Thank you for your wise and measured words! Yes, we have thought of these things . . . and it would probably be wise to just sell everything and buy something else, but I am very emotionally attached to this mountain house and don't want to let it go. Plus, I am only 7 minutes or so from my son. Our primary residence is a 2 story Georgian and impractical now that hubby has issues with the stairs. For now, we will create a bedroom downstairs in what is now the living room . . . just not sure what we will do about that arrangement when we put it on the market. We are waiting to see if he will have surgery in the coming weeks. If he has a heart transplant (doubtful) there are a lot of considerations about where he will be recovering and for how long.
Yes, many differences in hearing aids. This is hubby's third pair. He has nerve damage and he works closely with a group of audiologists. Not much we can do about the cost. We found we can get prescription eyeglasses cheaper through Costco, but unfortunately, we can't work with them on the hearing aids.
We have two credit cards that reward FF miles and you better believe - we take advantage of them. Sadly, we have tickets booked right now for a trip in February but are in the process of trying to cancel everything, due to hubby's health situation.
Thank you for your thoughts and for caring about our situation.
If you're possibly looking at a heart transplant - that is very much an OMG medical situation that overshadows everything else IMO. As an aside - should you need a second or third opinion - or even a transplant - and have decent insurance (pre- or post-Medicare) - you might want to take a look at Mayo JAX where I live. It has developed into a super big transplant center - mostly because we have relatively short organ wait lists here - for reasons I don't understand 100% (so Mayo has allocated transplant doctor resources here). You would have to move here to get on a waiting list - but I've run across people who have done that for various transplants.
Considering that serious unresolved medical situation - I would put a hold on any other "life decisions" now unless they become absolutely necessary. Although it is perhaps not correct for you to think it - I as a stranger can mention (although I will perhaps be criticized) that someone whose physical situation is precarious enough that a heart transplant is on the table may not have long to live. If your husband dies - then perhaps it will make sense for you to get rid of the "big house" and use the mountain house (I know from your mentions of it that it was a "labor of love" for you).
I care about most people here (although definitely not all ). We are in a sense a community - albeit we're a pretty diverse lot. And all of us will eventually have days where things happen that we can't discuss 100% openly with people in the real world - even if they're family or friends people. For a whole host of reasons. My day may come eventually (although I hope later rather than sooner). Robyn
I had lunch today with an 85-yr-old woman, a retired teacher, who continued to live alone rurally following the passing of her husband last year. I asked her if she's going to stay "out there" alone and she said yes, absolutely. She has a relative on the same rural road, who is the same age, no spring chicken. I asked her what is the most important thing for seniors to be concerned with as they age, and she (quite well to do financially) had nothing to say regarding COL but she did say "have a lifelong passion for something to do that you love." It got me thinking as I was driving home that even if we are living by modest means in old(er) age, having that special something to do, whatever it is that keeps us active, is the ticket. Reviving old interests or starting new ones, she says, keeps us forever young.
Given family health history and DNA there is a reasonable probability I will work until I die. More a case of early death than say, working until very advanced in age.
Should that not occur, we are going to likely end up in a moderately stretched situation. I am part of the infamously squeezed middle management. In real terms I make less than I did 10 years ago. We are house poor by choice as we bought during a better growth period but due to being in an area that is favored by global elites and that has little buildable land left, has held / risen in value. Between our house and our traditional retirement investments we will probably be able to get by after we cash out of the house.
Timing will be everything. If we see signs of a secular decline in real estate values in our area we may have to expedite cashing out.
After we cash out we will have to relo to a lower COLA area.
This is our plan, pathetic as it is.
Then there is always the S&W .44 mag, however the life insurance people would not look favorably at that. I don't want any loss of benes for Ms. Hillbilly.
There's a big difference between pathetic and realistic. And I think you're being realistic - except for the gun part. Do you think your wife would rather have your life insurance instead of you? I suppose that is possible for some married couples - but not for most I know. Please don't even consider the gun thing unless you ask your wife first - unless you were just tossing it out as a joke. I know if my husband killed himself - for any reason - without asking me first - I would blame myself from that day until I was cold in my grave. It would ruin the rest of my life - because I would always think I had failed him. And us women are often stronger and more resilient than a lot of you guys think we are. Just the thought of my husband killing himself - or even you killing yourself (and I don't even know you!) makes me cry.
Perhaps a reverse mortgage might work for someone in your situation (the Bay area isn't my cup of tea - but perhaps you love it)? Or maybe you could sell the place to a 20 year old from Google and keep a life interest in it? Or do something else creative from a real estate POV. You can't be the only couple where you live in your real estate situation.
Or - if you're not in love with the Bay area - you can perhaps move elsewhere. Does your current company have locations outside the Bay area? If so - perhaps that's something to explore. Robyn
If you're possibly looking at a heart transplant - that is very much an OMG medical situation that overshadows everything else IMO. As an aside - should you need a second or third opinion - or even a transplant - and have decent insurance (pre- or post-Medicare) - you might want to take a look at Mayo JAX where I live. It has developed into a super big transplant center - mostly because we have relatively short organ wait lists here - for reasons I don't understand 100% (so Mayo has allocated transplant doctor resources here). You would have to move here to get on a waiting list - but I've run across people who have done that for various transplants.
Considering that serious unresolved medical situation - I would put a hold on any other "life decisions" now unless they become absolutely necessary. Although it is perhaps not correct for you to think it - I as a stranger can mention (although I will perhaps be criticized) that someone whose physical situation is precarious enough that a heart transplant is on the table may not have long to live. If your husband dies - then perhaps it will make sense for you to get rid of the "big house" and use the mountain house (I know from your mentions of it that it was a "labor of love" for you).
I care about most people here (although definitely not all ). We are in a sense a community - albeit we're a pretty diverse lot. And all of us will eventually have days where things happen that we can't discuss 100% openly with people in the real world - even if they're family or friends people. For a whole host of reasons. My day may come eventually (although I hope later rather than sooner). Robyn
Robyn - I can't thank you enough for what you wrote. Yes, we are in a real crisis here, going through diagnostic testing trying to determine just what hubby can and can't sustain and what is possible. I have felt so alone -- no one in my circle (family/friends) understands all the implications about insurance coverage and what it means with moving forward with whatever procedure his docs may feel he is a candidate for. We feel like we are sitting on a ticking time bomb. Of course, there is a reason that folks do not understand the urgency and anxiety - hubby has never let others know just how much effort it takes to get through the day . . . and he has never been truly forthcoming about his health issues (or diagnoses) with anyone, including family. The folks he did tell early on were so flippant - "oh my brother in law had 4 bypasses - you will be fine" etc. He said - we just aren't going to discuss this with ANYONE. PERIOD. So we didn't.
His health took a dramatic nose-dive -- long story -- but we even sought out another cardiology practice trying to find someone willing to look at his case with fresh eyes. We had done the research and knew there are several things that his former docs COULD have pursued but wouldn't but would never clearly give us an answer as to "why." Won't get into all that but part of it came down to reimbursement issues, wh/ no one even bothered to DISCUSS with us . . .
Anyway, new cardiology group. And they have been frank. If nothing is done, he will be bed-ridden in a matter of months. And unlike the previous group, these guys feel he IS potentially a transplant candidate.
As to the house: Yes, this is what hubby says in re: to the mountain cottage and it is what I think is the most practical thing as frankly, I have to face that he may not make it through surgery (if he is even a candidate) and if he is bedridden, then that brings a whole new set of circumstances to consider (round the clock nursing care? nursing home? where? etc).
It hit me this past week that I could be one of those people who gets caught in a "spend-down" situation b/c their spouses had to go into nursing home care. That brings a whole new set of financial decisions and that is about more than I can bear to think about at this point. I just have to assume things are going to work out with surgery, his health will at least improve to the degree that he can better enjoy life.
So, thank you for saying what I needed someone to say - to validate our thinking and for understanding just how crazy this situation is for us - too many unknowns.
PS> As for JAX, hubby has often said he would like to be in Florida - so this was a very important bit of info - and I thank you for sharing it. :-)
That Robyn - can be a real softie and she is a real asset to this forum (even if she hates dogs).
Ani - I have no brilliant advice to give you but I wish you and Mr Ani the very best with this. You have your son to talk to - right? Even if you don't get many responses on this forum, I believe most people also care about your circumstances. We just don't always know what to say.
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). Rent-free frees up so much income for just living. As she ages, son will be there for her. 
I'd give my eye teeth to have a similar situation, as would many of us. A few weeks a year in a warmer place and life is good.
). We are in a sense a community - albeit we're a pretty diverse lot. And all of us will eventually have days where things happen that we can't discuss 100% openly with people in the real world - even if they're family or friends people. For a whole host of reasons. My day may come eventually (although I hope later rather than sooner). Robyn
).
