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I am fairly sure this is a common problem and has probably been covered before, but as the thread title says, my problem is motivation. I posted here instead of the Diet forum because my problem also has much to do with being older.
Before I continue, I am 62, female, 5'4", and I look and feel best as a size 6 and about 125 pounds. I have normal metabolism, but I have had a problem keeping weight off for about the past 40 years. My pattern has always been that when I am at the point I am now (almost a size 10), I have a 300-calorie breakfast, a 200-calorie lunch, and a normal dinner (about 700 calories) -- and eliminate all seconds, snacks, and desserts -- until I lose the weight, which usually takes about three months. Then, I forget about dieting until I gain the weight back, which usually takes about three years. However, about six years ago, at age 56, I had gained weight until I was 162 pounds and a size 12, and my husband had lost all sexual interest in me (whether this was because of our getting older or my getting fatter or both, I don't know). Well, at that point, I went on my usual diet and lost 47 pounds in nine months until I was 115 pounds and a size 2/4. I was very proud of myself, but it made no difference in my husband's physical desire for me. (Btw, we have a VERY good marriage otherwise, for the most part, and I know he has never had any kind of affair or any desire for one.)
So now, once again, I am at the point where I want/need to lose weight, but I just cannot psych myself to start dieting again (after the holidays, of course!) because I have always lost weight to please my husband more than myself, but now I just feel/think that if he doesn't really care whether or not I am a size 10 or a size 6, then why should I "deprive" myself for the sake of about 15 extra pounds (even though I know that the extra 15 pounds will turn into 20-40 pounds if I don't do something about it sooner rather than later, and even though I definitely feel better when I weigh less). And then there is also the fact that even with 15 extra pounds, I still actually feel okay and my health isn't affected, and I can't help but think that I am being more than just a little bit vain, stupid and shallow to be even worrying about an extra 15 or so pounds at my age. It is as though I am actually trying to talk myself out of even trying to lose weight.
So, I guess I am just asking for advice about how to motivate myself to lose weight when I don't care all that much for my sake and it doesn't seem to matter that much to anyone else, either. Again, it would be different if the extra weight was affecting my health, but it's not except that my energy level is just slightly less than it is when I weigh 125 -- and as far as my self-image regarding my appearance is concerned, even though I am reasonably attractive for my age. at age 62, that "ain't saying much!" and being a single-digit dress size won't change that fact!
Last edited by katharsis; 12-14-2015 at 11:41 AM..
I am fairly sure this is a common problem and has probably been covered before, but as the thread title says, my problem is motivation. I posted here instead of the Diet forum because my problem also has much to do with being older.
Before I continue, I am 62, female, 5'4", and I look best as a size 6 and about 125 pounds. I have normal metabolism, but I have had a problem keeping weight off for about the past 40 years. My pattern has always been that when I am at the point I am now (almost a size 10), I have a 300-calorie breakfast, a 200-calorie lunch, and a normal dinner (about 700 calories) -- and eliminate all seconds, snacks, and desserts -- until I lose the weight, which usually takes about three months. Then, I forget about dieting until I gain the weight back, which usually takes about three years. However, about six years ago, at age 56, I had gained weight until I was 162 pounds and a size 12, and my husband had lost all sexual interest in me (whether this was because of our getting older or my getting fatter or both, I don't know). Well, at that point, I went on my usual diet and lost 47 pounds in nine months until I was 115 pounds and a size 2/4. I was very proud of myself, but it made no difference in my husband's physical desire for me. (Btw, we have a VERY good marriage otherwise, for the most part, and I know he has never had any kind of affair or any desire for one.)
So now, once again, I am at the point where I want/need to lose weight, but I just cannot psych myself to start dieting again (after the holidays, of course!) because I have always lost weight to please my husband more than myself, but now I just feel/think that if he doesn't really care whether or not I am a size 10 or a size 6, then why should I "deprive" myself for the sake of about 15 extra pounds (even though I know that the extra 15 pounds will turn into 20-40 pounds if I don't do something about it sooner rather than later, and even though I definitely feel better when I weigh less). And then there is also the fact that even with 15 extra pounds, I still actually feel okay and my health isn't affected, and I can't help but think that I am being more than just a little bit vain, stupid and shallow to be even worrying about an extra 15 or so pounds at my age. It is as though I am actually trying to talk myself out of even trying to lose weight.
So, I guess I am just asking for advice about how to motivate myself to lose weight when I don't care all that much for my sake and it doesn't seem to matter that much to anyone else, either. Again, it would be different if the extra weight was affecting my health, but it's not except that my energy level is just slightly less than it is when I weigh 125 -- and as far as my self-image regarding my appearance is concerned, even though I am reasonably attractive for my age. at age 62, that "ain't saying much!" and being a single-digit dress size won't change that fact!
So you have been "dieting" since you were 22? That is way too long to worry about your weight. I had to watch my weight because it was part of my job - military.
Do you exercise? And really I am 5'2" and think I weigh 150 or so. Not sure. I never weigh myself. I wear size 10 or so and I think I look great.
How is your body tone? I think that is more important than the actual weight.
At one point I did let myself go after I retired and probably got up to 180. It was terrible. I did think I was fat then. I was even out of breath at times.
As for your hubby - how old is he? Maybe he is having issues in that "department" and is just not telling you.
Personally if you just stop worrying about it, the weight will come off.
So you have been "dieting" since you were 22? That is way too long to worry about your weight. I had to watch my weight because it was part of my job - military.
Do you exercise? And really I am 5'2" and think I weigh 150 or so. Not sure. I never weigh myself. I wear size 10 or so and I think I look great.
How is your body tone? I think that is more important than the actual weight.
At one point I did let myself go after I retired and probably got up to 180. It was terrible. I did think I was fat then. I was even out of breath at times.
As for your hubby - how old is he? Maybe he is having issues in that "department" and is just not telling you.
Personally if you just stop worrying about it, the weight will come off.
Thanks for your reply!
My husband is 59 (three years younger). We've been together for 31 years, and except for the first ten years or so we were together (and especially the first year or two, of course), he has never had a strong sex drive.
My body tone is okay, but no way would I have ever graced the cover of a physical fitness magazine. I have had cellulite thighs since I was 13, and I even had them when I weighed only 103! (After a severe emotional trauma when I was 20, I virtually did not eat anything for about a month). Small waist and big everything else, proportion-wise.
I walk two miles a day -- one mile twice a day with our dog -- although all of us will occasionally go for a three-mile hike on weekends. I hate to exercise.
Some days I say just screw it, my body is my body till I leave the earth and "bigger" can be jollier, right? (think Mrs Claus); I go out for a bagel and cream cheese. Then some days I'm munching celery with p-butter and making green smoothies. I have zero consistent discipline. I do completely avoid junk foods, fast foods, red meat, poor quality fats/oils, and refined sugars. Right now I'm doing more Mediterranean (with fish). Love polenta with prosciutto and olives and olive oil, etc. It's said to be the best. Tastes the best anyway.
I have always been lucky in that even while I carried extra pounds, it didn't show. I was solidly put together. But as time goes by and at age 73, things aren't as solid as they once were. But I am able to maintain the weight, even tho it is more that I'd like it to be. So to some degree, I think maintaining is pretty important, too.
I allow myself to have food that is not good (some fast, some sugar, etc.) but I never binge. I might buy some cookies, have a few, then toss the rest of them out because I have satisfied that "taste" I had for them.
Lots of men lose interest in sex of any kind with anyone around 60 or so. And if they were low desire to begin with it will only get worse. If he has always been your motivation to lose weight, yes his lack of interest is a problem. Have you asked him what's wrong? Has he been to the doc recently? ED can be a symptom of heart/circulation problems. Anyway, I hope he has discussed this with his doctor.
I have always fought the battle of the bulge. My metabolism is shot and my everyday eating is about what you describe as a diet! So I understand completely. About 15 years ago I realized if someone's love and acceptance was based on the number on a scale, they were too shallow to be a part of my life. I didn't need them. I am old and ageing. Everything is only going one way, downhill. I had to learn to motivate myself and do it for me.
I did this by looking at seniors. It seemed to me there were 3 groups. The first group, fat or thin, had medical issues that couldn't be helped. It was just luck of the draw. Next comes the heavy ones, the ones on the scooter, barely able to move and obviously limited by their weight. The excess poundage made their lives much more difficult. It didn't take long for me to figure out I didn't want to be in that group. Last, the fit but old group. They seemed to enjoy life more and they could still do as they pleased. That was the group I was hoping for. Every time I see a doughnut, I see the 300 pounder on a scooter in my head and eat the broccoli instead.
Yes, I admit my observations are shallow because I didn't get to know any of these people. Just looked and made assumptions based on what was easily visible. On an individual level, I'm sure I am dead wrong. But speaking collectively about large numbers of people, I am probably right. And this is motivates me to remain in control. I don't need to be a size 2 but I don't want to be a size 20 either. I prefer single digit sizes without an X!
I hate exercise too. I envy those people who love it. For me, the hardest part is the first step out the front door. I started out walking 5 miles a day and it just took too long. Then I started running. Running was/is the best. I still run some but once you are over 60 or so, running is just asking for injuries. So far I have been lucky. I am trying to quit running and replace it with other activities but that's hard. Here's what I am doing now. I got a fitbit and it tells me if I have been a slug. I can lie to myself but the fitbit doesn't lie. I got a physical part time job that pays pretty much nothing but it does force me to be active for an extra 16 or so hours a week. I put weights by the TV and I have to use them if I want to watch. I have 3 large dogs that require a lot of exercise, 2 GSP's and a Weimaraner. I am working on a house remodel and I do the physical stuff myself. It takes me a while but yes, I can move 2 tons of rock!
My only physical limitation is a large hernia I can't afford to get fixed. I am limited on core/ab exercises and of course, that's what I need the most. Hopefully I will live long enough to get Medicare! I guess my focus now is to try to incorporate enough activity in my life that I can quit running. And not have to give up eating completely!
I really don't want to be unkind, OP, but I expect some will take it that way.
You seem obsessed with numbers. I suppose I weighed 103 at some point but I certainly don't remember the year or even the decade.
I won't discuss height, age or weight because then that becomes a basis for comparison -- and measuring oneself against others is, IMO, unhealthier than being overweight.
I recently joined a woman-only health club where every woman is welcome regardless of fitness level or weight or age ("or hair color", as the counselor pointed out). It's a liberating feeling. There's a wide variety of classes, everything from chair conditioning to some kind of yoga that uses ropes. I'm still trying to figure that one out. And they're all free with my membership and I am welcome to drop in on any of them.
Contrast that with the typical yoga classes where, if you are not a twenty-something sylph-like goddess, you will be bullied until you drop out of the class.
I'm talking about acceptance because it's at the root of happiness. Accepting your body, being strong and confident and serene and carefree.
Thanks to everyone for replying. I have enjoyed and found interesting ALL the replies.
P.S. to Fluffy -- Yes, I do now realize that my post was full of numbers, and I did not take your post as being unkind at all; I just have always been a "numbers" and analytical type of person! And 103 was the least I have ever weighed since I was about 13 (and as I indicated, that was not at all intentional on my part).
Gentle stretching/exercising to great music that makes you feel like moving.
It usually takes 3 weeks to establish a new habit (like working out or adjusting to new food choices). Be patient, and do it for yourself. You deserve to feel healthy and confident.
I started Jazzercise a few months ago and have found the wide variety of classes--and also instructors and classmates and music--keeps me motivated. I've also met some nice women.
The Fitbit helps me see whether I've reached activity goals for the day and pushes me a bit if I'm not quite there, and My Fitness Pal helps me track and make better food choices. I've lost weight and toned up some and expect a gradual continuation in the right direction.
I'm aiming for healthier and stronger and expecting to be thinner, too. For MYSELF.
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