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When you think about it, what makes us think that we will be the same person with the same desires at 80 as we are at 50? And why would we want to be the same?"
Speaking for myself, I have all the same desires I had at 20, and of course more. My practical goals will change, but my innate desires are coming right along with me in my backpack.
I found an article that really resonates with me. I think I can use it as a guide to living my best life in my remaining years. It really puts in perspective how the losses and challenges of aging are offset by the wisdom and wholeness that can be reached if we strive for gerotranscendence:
At times I have wondered whether I am just giving up, such as not dyeing my hair. But as this says:
"Unfortunately what we all too often witness in our culture is an obsession with youth, activity and productivity for as long as a person lives. That's why it is important to note that aging successfully is not always the same as aging consciously or well. Most of the time when talking about aging in Western cultures there is the implication that the "best" way to age is to do everything we can to continue doing what we've always done for as long as possible -- and to look equally young while doing it!
...we sometimes erroneously project midlife values, activity patterns and expectations onto old age, and then define these values, patterns and expectations as successful aging. Maybe our projections are not just rooted in midlife, but also in western culture and white middle-class hopes for 'success' to continue into old age." When you think about it, what makes us think that we will be the same person with the same desires at 80 as we are at 50? And why would we want to be the same?"
Bingo! And I have been chastising myself for wanting to end my experiment of trying to be a more social being than I truly am. I've been yearning for more solitude---which it turns out is right within this gerotranscendence thing:
"...aging offers us the opportunity to redefine our self and relationships in order to arrive at a new understanding regarding fundamental existential questions about life. This possible natural progression towards maturation and wisdom is a stage he calls "Gerotranscendence." Tornstam explains that those who achieve this state often become, "...less self-occupied and at the same time more selective in the choice of social and other activities." This time of life can offer us, "... an increased feeling of affinity with past generations and a decrease in superfluous social interaction." When a person strives for "gerotranscendence" he or she will likely be less interested in material things and crave "solitary meditation." And like Jung and his striving toward wholeness, Tornstam says, "There is also often a feeling of cosmic communion with the spirit of the universe and a redefinition of time, space, life and death."
I was never that great at making the most of being a kid, teen, young or middle-aged adult, but I really think I can shine at this gerotranscendent old age thing! As Carl Jung said, "The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are." I am now 100% determined to become who I truly am at 61, just the way I was trying to do so on the flip side of that, when I was 16. To this end, I will reject that which doesn't serve me and embracing that which does (last week I saw a Metropolitan Opera broadcast at a movie theater right down the street---talk about transcendence with that beauty!).
Anyone on board with me so we can support each other in this?
There will be a big change in this when Gen X start to hit our 60s. We are really burned out from years of overwork, financial stress and dealing with the decline of Western Civilization.
For some reason my life has become a big struggle. It seems there are so many things to "take care of" these days, and it seems like I never get anything done. I am 73, believe I have made "friends" with my age, looking forward to the more relaxed lifestyle I have dreamed about.
Today, I'm trying to figure out what Plan D prescription plan I want and just trying to find that information in a neat little place with all the info and comparisons right there isn't happening. It might be there, but maybe I just can't see the forest for the trees. Trying to figure out what needs doing today vs can wait next week or month. Laundry waiting for me. Cleaning long over due. Phone rings, neighbor without a car wanting a ride and me refusing, asking her if she has another friend to call for that...... no is her answer. She has come to depend on me. What did she do before she met me? Every now and then I break into tears for my loss. I have lost control and I'm not liking it too much. I'm trying to face the facts re finances and get used to my current status. Be able to be relaxed and not worry so much.
Today, I'm trying to figure out what Plan D prescription plan I want and just trying to find that information in a neat little place with all the info and comparisons right there isn't happening. It might be there, but maybe I just can't see the forest for the trees.
See if you can find, through your senior center, a SHINE* counselor. They are trained in the insurance options for seniors and can show you amenity comparison charts/costs between several different providers. Some hospitals have SHINE counselors as well.
For some reason my life has become a big struggle. It seems there are so many things to "take care of" these days, and it seems like I never get anything done. . . .Trying to figure out what needs doing today vs can wait next week or month. Laundry waiting for me. Cleaning long over due. Phone rings, neighbor without a car wanting a ride and me refusing, asking her if she has another friend to call for that...... no is her answer. She has come to depend on me. What did she do before she met me? . . .
Those activities and obligations which were once merely burdensome or annoying become torturous, because we have been taught that when we age we must continue to comply with social standards and expectations and behave as we always have, even when its obvious that we are no longer in a position to do so. We have to be "respectable" old people that others can look up to.
Rather than attempt to lead a "respectable" old age, I am more focused on living in a manner that is going to satisfy me. Not that I will ignore the needs of my family and other people close to me, but they are also going to have to learn to accommodate my changing financial, physical, and emotional circumstances. I know some people are going to be unhappy but who cares? They're not the ones getting old.
The large booklet called 'Medicare and You 2016' which most people automatically get in the mail has a section in the back which lays out a good number of Part D offerings in your geographic locale.
If you did not get this booklet in the mail, it is full-text online.....put the title into google.com and it comes right up full-text.
I find that that Humana Part D plan is usually the least expensive of all, and the best deal at $15.70 per month last year.
(can be viewed by putting Humana Part D plan into google.com)
CapnTrips: Rather than attempt to lead a "respectable" old age, I am more focused on living in a manner that is going to satisfy me. Not that I will ignore the needs of my family and other people close to me, but they are also going to have to learn to accommodate my changing financial, physical, and emotional circumstances. I know some people are going to be unhappy but who cares? They're not the ones getting old.
Thank you.... this is such a good point. I have been alone a long time and have always had to do stuff myself, no one to ask for help. Today I was feeling really overwhelmed with all the paperwork I'm trying to do, handle a dental insurance problem on a 3-way call, try to figure the Part D question and not finding answers (which may have been right in front of me). I think when people see us being so independent and able to get answers, they think we will always be able to do it. Well, today I couldn't. And I declined to give the neighbor a ride. I did a little asking from a mutual friend and discovered this woman could have gotten a paid-for van/taxi to take her.
matisse12: I find that that Humana Part D plan is usually the least expensive of all, and the best deal at $15.70 per month last year.
Thank you for this info. I will check it out. I have always found Google to be my friend and will use it for this.
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This site is the very best. We can come in here, have a rant, ask questions, etc. and there is always someone who answers with very helpful information.
For some reason my life has become a big struggle. It seems there are so many things to "take care of" these days, and it seems like I never get anything done. I am 73, believe I have made "friends" with my age, looking forward to the more relaxed lifestyle I have dreamed about.
Today, I'm trying to figure out what Plan D prescription plan I want and just trying to find that information in a neat little place with all the info and comparisons right there isn't happening. It might be there, but maybe I just can't see the forest for the trees. Trying to figure out what needs doing today vs can wait next week or month. Laundry waiting for me. Cleaning long over due. Phone rings, neighbor without a car wanting a ride and me refusing, asking her if she has another friend to call for that...... no is her answer. She has come to depend on me. What did she do before she met me? Every now and then I break into tears for my loss. I have lost control and I'm not liking it too much. I'm trying to face the facts re finances and get used to my current status. Be able to be relaxed and not worry so much.
Sorry, this turned into a rant.
Just do what you can. One thing at a time.
I was sitting here thinking that I should go do this or that. But then I looked at my dogs, sleeping away and decided to join them. They don't care if the leaves need to be raked.
Thank you to all of you who have made suggestions to me. I had never heard about a SHINE counselor. I usually know to look in the Medicare book (I did get a copy in the mail) but have not looked at it yet.
I've been running in circles a lot lately, observing what needs doing and not doing any of it. Today I received a message from Hospice. I started to feel sad and cried some. I think I need time to grieve my sister but have not taken the time for doing that. Hospice offers several programs and I think I will call them Monday to get started with this emotional stuff.
You all mean a lot to me, thanks.
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