Quiting a Retirement Job and Depression (long-term, friendly, retired, psycho)

[Frihed89]

Originally Posted by TMKSarah

Have any of you gone through a period of retirement adjustment that was not what you expected?

Then I figured out everything I need to do is right in front of me. I do it as best as I can and give myself a pat on the back.

[StealthRabbit]

Originally Posted by TMKSarah

Thank you everyone!

...
But does anyone have the experience with the backlash of not being in the workforce anymore.
...

Oh, sure, those of us who still dabble in employment get the 'rub' / old person 'cold shoulder' all the time.

I work in tech and engineering, so there are always the barriers of being considered as 'current & capable' as the younger generation. I still grab PT gigs to keep me alert and engaged, but each j-o-b comes with 'old-person-baggage' of some type. Fortunately you (OP) and I have paid our time and have had very successful and demanding positions, so we no longer need it, and can see through the drama of those trying to get there.

Just do your job, separate the drama from the truth, and don't let it get under your skin. One of my kids uses a great 'tool'. He writes a 'script' for his workplace drama, including assigning 'characters' to bosses, co-workers, clients...' It is all a game, so he treats it as such and does not take it personally.

A book that I read with co-workers really helped them transition to 'setting-aside-the-drama' "Dying Broke", basically, disassociate your 'Self Worth' / retirement objectives from your employment. Show up, do the job, get out! I have always liked / been too engaged in work to let the 'disassociation' process win, BUT... it is very wise and helpful.

Hopefully OP will find 'just the right fit' of work position. and it will be enjoyable, respected, and engaging.

BTW: when I left for NZ (and points unknown) I left a farm (with animals and LOTS of daily maint / responsibilities + 12 rental props and 4 businesses). I got a house / pet / plant / farm sitter who loved the view and being in the country. Some issues came up, but all were resolved without me having to come home. When I eventually got home... there was plenty of 'catching up to do'.

[TMKSarah]

I get it! Thank you again.

I must meet the world again and begin the process of understanding that the past truly is past and I must forge a way forward. Yes, it really is easier when as a couple...but I am not in a couple situation and that is that.

I think I became afraid for the future since I was no longer young enough to enjoy the excitement of a future. I am no longer an Immortal as I call the before 40 group. I still had an excitement for life in the competitive realm of work and a romantic desire to find love.

Not anymore. No I am not giving up by any sense of the means, however, it is true...I am no longer young and it finally hit me at 60. I do not care if people see me as old. If they are lucky they will experience it themselves.

Accepting that life is different now, I think, is the key. Shoot, I could have had a huge accident which changed my health forever. I have been very lucky. And life would surely have changed if I had.

So it is time for me to make a plan. I shall sit down and write a letter to Santa Claus asking what I want for Christmas.

I hope some of my wishes are granted! And no, I don't want a Lexus (for god's sake I have seen a Toyota commercial that the parents are writing a letter to Santa (under their child's name) to ask for a Lexus). That just sucks IMHO. It makes me sick...but that is another story for another time.

[yellowsnow]

I always thought my 'real' job was hard. Found out later I did not appreciate it enough. McJobs are hard work. Harder than my real job ever was. And if you are older, it's even more difficult to be on your feet running all day.

Sounds like you have some choices. You could look for a job closer to your real job. This might prove to be impossible because age discrimination is very real. If it works, great, but don't kick yourself if it doesn't. There are not nearly as many real jobs out there these days.

If it's really the endless cold getting you down, leave. I left Minnesota for that very reason. I just couldn't tolerate another Winter that lasted for more than half the year. I moved to Las Vegas. Lower COL and 8 months of perfect weather. No yardwork and nothing to shovel or rake. And it's a fun place to live.

Probably the easiest thing to do would be to make a conscious effort to change you. Make yourself get out once or twice a week. Work on making some new friends who aren't working all the time. Volunteer doing something you like.

Retirement should be fun!

[jertheber]

I retired at 62, moved from my home of forty years and bought a new place a hundred miles south. Wife died shortly thereafter, alone then in a very small town and just getting used to not working, but hadn't had much to do yet with hobbies or just celebrating my retirement. Life deals us some bad stuff from time to time, pain that only you can feel while watching others out having a great time. Yeah, that has the effect of presenting you with some terrible downers and feeling about as dejected as can be.

For those who haven't really experienced the double whammy of being extracted from work, and all of it's social benefits, and, experiencing the aloneness of death or divorce of a spouse, it's hard to imagine the weight of it all being on one's back and trying to just get through the day. I used to stay away from the house as much as I could, getting out with a camera and shooting all day, rain or shine, then walking the roads of an old abandoned nuclear energy site, anything, just staying out as long as I could and hoping that at night I could at last fall asleep and stay asleep.

Walking, thinking, doing, and in general simply getting up, just to get up and get moving, with no particular place to go or people to see. It's those hours of being in a house looking out that makes one feel as though life is passing them by, mainly because it is. If it was raining or snowing hard that first winter I would turn on some loud music and clean the house do laundry, make a meal, and eventually those nights of good sleep finally came, that first summer I met some new people in town and got to know them as good friends, through them I met more townies and joined a local club doing some volunteering there while meeting new people. It was the hardest thing to propel myself to get out there and meet others, my wife had that role and therefore it was very alien to me.

They say time heals us in all things, and they are correct. I finally went online to meet people from other close by areas, met my new wife and have been married five years. I then moved a hundred more miles south to my wife's area. In my old neighborhood there was a guy the same age as me, he had been divorced a few times and was soured on life, paranoid about everything, he cut himself off from all but the most fundamental relations in town, think going downtown to pay his water bill, and then right back up the hill to the safety of his tomb. Today my old neighbors call me and tell me of his failing health, they say he shuffles along, overweight and slow, obviously depressed, and yet they can't talk any sense into him about his situation. I think you'll be fine if you can begin to consciously strive everyday to just reinvent yourself for the better.

[TMKSarah]

Jeth,

That was a beautiful gift to me. Thank you. I will heed what you have told me. Yes...me and my dog. We will open up to the world again.

I asked a woman in my complex if she would like to come over for a glass of wine. She said yes. She too, is alone, new to the city, husband at work. You know the drill. I have been there done that with my own husband, former.

Thank you again. And I am having lunch with a friend on Thursday.


Interesting note...both of these women are at least 20 years younger than me and we click big time. Go figure!

[jertheber]

Originally Posted by TMKSarah

Jeth,

That was a beautiful gift to me. Thank you. I will heed what you have told me. Yes...me and my dog. We will open up to the world again.

I asked a woman in my complex if she would like to come over for a glass of wine. She said yes. She too, is alone, new to the city, husband at work. You know the drill. I have been there done that with my own husband, former.

Thank you again. And I am having lunch with a friend on Thursday.


Interesting note...both of these women are at least 20 years younger than me and we click big time. Go figure!

Best thing I've heard all day, maybe all week, best of luck to you.

[HappyDogToday]

OP, I can relate and you are just in a funky time of transition. Not out of the past which was largely defined by work and a marriage, and moving into a new future of your own making. You are already taking some baby steps as you say. Change and growth is a process that unfolds slowly and I expect you will find some delightful surprises along the way. Don't forget to enjoy the simple joys like a walk with your dog, a good book, a nice glass of wine, new friends. Relax and enjoy through the winter because spring is coming!
The best is yet to come so be patient with yourself and you will find your way. And 60 is NOT old! LOL

[matisse12]

What works for one person or some people, sure doesn't work for others! camping all over New Zealand as a woman alone with her camper truck or camping as a woman alone with her camper truck in U.S. National Parks? learning to scuba dive with oxygen/air tanks on one's back where one goes down into the sea and stays underwater for periods of time? going to a gun range? guns?

Those are about as far from anything I would ever do as can be conceived! what about a more simple life?

I would never touch a gun, never go anywhere near a gun range, never touch a scuba diving tank and never ever go underwater where I'm dependent upon an oxygen tank, nor go camping alone in New Zealand or U.S. National Parks!

I know these are examples of suggestions for a retired woman - I guess - but why has life changed so radically from what retired people were suggested to do in the 1930's, 1940's, 1950's? Norms have changed, yes - but expecting most retirees to have big adventures, I don't think is really necessary.

As for alleviating any depression of others encountered in retirement, I wouldn't make these particular suggestions to anyone! I do get your drift though.

(and I do not find one man who found a 2nd wife to be inspiring or uplifting in the least) (and not everyone possesses good abilities to be a competent effective driver of a Recreational Vehicle (RV) and/or camper truck)

[TMKSarah]

Rock on Matisse!

I would love more comments. This could get good!