"Alone, Alone, All All Alone" for the Holidays (spouse, infant)

[s1alker]

Holidays are just another day to me. Never bought into the mass consumerism that poses for "holidays" today.

[macyny]

My husband and I retired from NYC and moved to Florida. Our daughter and grandchildren live in NY. Our son moved down to Florida so he's nearby. My husband is 85.
As I get older (will be 69 in two days), I worry about being alone. Never gave it a thought before. Had many close friends in NY and we always got together for the holidays. I had many dinner parties around Christmas.
Now living in Florida, I miss it all. I don't get to see our daughter or grandchildren over the holidays. We could fly to NY but its too expensive and cold.
I think as a woman and mother, the holidays always revolved around children and family. We always had large family gatherings over Thanksgiving and Christmas. When I think back to those days, the amount of work involved to make great dinners and decorating, shopping, etc. seem now to have been fun and made the holidays wonderful. Of course, at the time, I was exhausted but always hosted the holidays.
At this point in life, my parents are gone, many people I loved are gone or living elsewhere.
I find the holidays empty now. I miss the dinners, the decorating and the shopping. But I don't really do much of anything. I buy gifts on line and send them to my daughter for the kids. I don't share in their opening them. My husband and I usually go out for dinner on Christmas. Nothing special. I don't decorate the house.
If my husband was gone, I think I'd get very depressed about times gone by. I think I would move to be closer to my daughter.
Not sure. But it worries me. Maybe I'll just adopt a bunch of dogs!

[brightdoglover]

Originally Posted by macyny

... Maybe I'll just adopt a bunch of dogs!

Adopt seniors. They are calm, appreciate their home and don't need much. I have had many seniors and don't regret any of them, even if some were... short-timers.

[matisse12]

Originally Posted by Minervah

I was discussing this with some of my neighbors who will be alone on the holidays. One woman said, "As long as I am with myself, I am not alone."

I had to ponder this simple statement but I think I agree.

I think the above is an important concept. A man I was talking to at a hotel after getting divorced said something similar to me and I found it an insightful and significant way to think.

He said "you still have yourself".

[Nik4me]

Originally Posted by otterhere

As with so many posts, it's difficult to know where to put this one, but I figured I might find a good number of people here to whom this applies. If you're going to be alone (and I mean really alone) for the holidays this year, how do you cope with that, and how you plan to spend them? This especially applies to those who are alone not just on those days, but every day. Will you actively avoid them? Casually ignore them? Celebrate them traditionally? Celebrate them non-traditionally? Share your plans with us here.

They say the holiday season causes depression in a population who lives alone.
Hey, but the holiday is just another “ day”!
Please, do not let the society to put a pressure on how you are suppose to spend these “ days” of your life.

#1 rule : Stop watching TV altogether or at least DVR the cute “ happy families getting together for holidays” commercials- it is all about marketing and selling!!! ( cards, gifts, booze, food)
Unrealistic expectations even for the most families to achieve: well decorated cute house on a leafy street with well groomed pets and a bunch of smiling children with loads of gifts, expensive new cars, on vacations, etc

#2 : You are not alone!! Below is the link to gov statistics- more and more people live alone now, so it is as normal living alone as is having a family living with you!
https://www.census.gov/newsroom/fact...cb16-ff18.html

#3 After you shake off the chains of marketing “ expectations” and a bit of preparation for your “just me” celebration - ENJOY another day off:

Leisurely, gourmet? breakfast- maybe even back in bed after you made it?
Watching a fun broadway musical video or another of “ YOUR” choice? In the morning?
Take a dog or YOURSEF for a nice stroll somewhere beautiful?
A little stretching low impact exercise if YOU feel like it?
Cooking or baking something interesting, unusual ? Or learn to try cooking? ( leftover for lunches could be good)
Visit another single person you know for a coffee?Wine? Or not!
Sing out loud with YouTube artists!? Dance with them- nobody is watching!!!

Fire in the fireplaces are wonderful to watch for hours. If you do not have one- locate the most expensive hotel nearby with one and enjoy the mellow quiet of the hotel lobby with the book or magazine- pretend you are on a business trip- just dress well to look the part.( library is better but closed on holidays- we need to change that!!!)
Anyway- you get the idea, pumper yourself with attention and the small pleasures of life!

If you like and can- volunteering for others is a good idea, but not for everyone.
Religious people would probably enjoy the services.
I have no problems with you organizing your house on holiday- you will get an immediate satisfaction and feel good from it instantaneously - just please- start small and do not overdo it- it is a holiday after all! ( Smiley here)
So many things to do, so little time!!!

[otterhere]

Originally Posted by matisse12

I think the above is an important concept. A man I was talking to at a hotel after getting divorced said something similar to me and I found it an insightful and significant way to think.

He said "you still have yourself".

That's a little odd, to me. Like it's an attempt to deny that you're alone when you're actually (hello) alone. Own it. But learn to love it!

[NYgal1542]

Wasn't there a song from years ago, "Me, Myself, and I" ??

[matisse12]

Originally Posted by Minervah

I was discussing this with some of my neighbors who will be alone on the holidays. One woman said, "As long as I am with myself, I am not alone."

I had to ponder this simple statement but I think I agree.

Originally Posted by matisse12

I think the above is an important concept. A man I was talking to at a hotel after getting divorced said something similar to me and I found it an insightful and significant way to think.

He said "you still have yourself".

Originally Posted by otterhere

That's a little odd, to me. Like it's an attempt to deny that you're alone when you're actually alone.

It means that if you cultivate a lot of interests in life and cultivate a life of the mind, your life is even more worthwhile.

And it means if you cultivate a lots of interests in life and cultivate a life of the mind, you can be excellent company for yourself.

Because a big part of a person is what you are thinking about and what occupies your mind. (and what you are doing, alone or not alone.) In one sense, you are what you are thinking about and what occupies your mind - so cultivate your mind.

And oneself on one's own is important in the life you are living.

It's definitely not "an attempt to deny that you're alone when you're actually alone."

[mariatate]

cry cry cry
my birthday falls between xmas and new year so i will cry some more
all i do is cry
i hate my life

[otterhere]

Originally Posted by matisse12

It means that if you cultivate a lot of interests in life and cultivate a life of the mind, your life is even more worthwhile.

And it means if you cultivate a lots of interests in life and cultivate a life of the mind, you can be excellent company for yourself.

Because a big part of a person is what you are thinking about and what occupies your mind. (and what you are doing, alone or not alone.) In one sense, you are what you are thinking about and what occupies your mind - so cultivate your mind.

And oneself on one's own is important in the life you are living.

It's definitely not "an attempt to deny that you're alone when you're actually alone."

Of course one should be able to amuse oneself and live a full life.

But enjoying one's own company doesn't mean pretending there are two of one!

This leads to talking to oneself, surely...