Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Want your kids college paid for?
It's easy!
Step 1: divorce
Step 2: the judge will order the non custodial to ante up on college.
Step 3: sit back and enjoy your child's full ride thru college .
Step 4: then do a dance because you get 4 more years of child support to put towards all the stuff you didn't use for them anyways.
There..it's just that easy.
Want your kids college paid for?
It's easy!
Step 1: divorce
Step 2: the judge will order the non custodial to ante up on college.
Step 3: sit back and enjoy your child's full ride thru college .
Step 4: then do a dance because you get 4 more years of child support to put towards all the stuff you didn't use for them anyways.
There..it's just that easy.
Maybe in your fantasy world.
Mine went:
Step 1: Divorce. Unemployed husband ordered to pay $50 a week in child support until he found a job. Husband found a job eventually but threw me $100 here and there every couple of months, complaining about it whenever he did and telling me "you'd better be writing down that I gave you this money."
Step 2: Six years later, after unsuccessfully trying to convince exh that I needed him to pay child support regularly and up the amount for our then-teenaged daughter, I contacted my lawyer and had him legally send a notice to update the child support. Exh got his own lawyer, asked that less be paid, and in the end, between the time she was 16 and 18, I received almost exactly the same amount from the increase in child support as I had to pay the lawyer.
Step 3: Ex and I agreed that the amount due after our daughter's federal loans and other financial aid would be split by each of us taking a semester each year. The first two years this went OK, then he lost his job and I paid ALL the rest of the semesters except for the one where she got a scholarship to study abroad. I paid the plane fare.
Step 4: Last year, five years after she graduated with her BAs, I paid off all the college loans I had taken out by working part-time after I retired. Exh is still whining and complaining about the two measly semesters' worth he is paying for his kid's college, which he negotiated down to the absolute minimum monthly payment.
I'm seeing this right now in my family. A couple who are at the age where they should be closely managing their finances for retirement are instead supporting their grown son, who has never had a job, thinks the world should support him, and states that working for a living wastes your life away, and he won't do that to his life. He regularly sleeps his days away in his parents' basement, spending his time on social media. He racked up almost 4 years in student loans, then dropped out, saying it's too stressful for him.
I have no idea how he got the idea that the world owes him a living, but his parents are footing the bill for him. They both have always been hard workers and have done well for themselves, but this grown "kid" is eating at their foundation.
This worthless grown kid will never support his parents later in life. He refuses to even support himself.
Supporting him while he lives in their basement frittering his life away is a choice. They are free to make a different choice.
#1 Why is it some parents have the belief they owe their child a college education? I just don't get it.
Emptying your pockets counting on college to provide a better life for your kids is like counting on your kids to provide a better life for you with their college degree.
ROI for the student attending is dicey enough, gutting your own retirement hoping they'll return the favor is even farther-fetched.
Want your kids college paid for?
It's easy!
Step 1: divorce
Step 2: the judge will order the non custodial to ante up on college.
Step 3: sit back and enjoy your child's full ride thru college .
Step 4: then do a dance because you get 4 more years of child support to put towards all the stuff you didn't use for them anyways.
There..it's just that easy.
And mine went:
Step 1: Negotiate settlement in which I'm "permitted" to keep investments in my name (from my own earnings after paying household expenses and being the sole support of the family in the 5 years soon-to-be-Ex was unemployed) in return for not getting CS (he never had any substantial work after the divorce and lived off of social programs after spending the $100K he got from his share of the equity in the marital home and never would have paid a dime anyway). Ex agrees to "try" to help with college and other expenses.
Step 2: Judge agrees to settlement and grants decree. Believe me, I was thrilled with it.
Step 3: Pay about $50K total for DS's HS education at a military boarding school from 1999-2003 because the public school system was failing him. Nothing from the Ex.
Step 4: Pay half DS's education costs at a good private college. Ex's sister paid the other half- purely voluntary, much appreciated and she could afford it. If that hadn't happened I would have cheerfully paid for DS to attend the local state university myself. Nothing from the Ex.
I'd do it all over again. Not all custodial parents take the non-custodial parent to the cleaners.
We had our kids have part-time job while in HS. My son worked at McDs and often got harassed by many classmates (most of whom didn't work but had nice allowances) for working there. The job at McDs helped him get his full-time job along with a referral. He went through 3 interviews including a six person panel to get the position. It was quite an experience for an 18 year old. The company had not hired an 18 year old HS graduate in over a decade and many of those starting with him were from the same Tier 4 college his counselors recommended he consider (with a substantial amount of debt for either themselves and/or parents). Now it is nearly two years later and he has demonstrated that he is on-time, polite, and conscientious about his job. We are proud of his accomplishments and continue to support his growth.
This sounds like a young person I would hire.
We also would make arrangements for employer-paid college classes in the evenings if he was interested.
Want your kids college paid for?
It's easy!
Step 1: divorce
Step 2: the judge will order the non custodial to ante up on college.
Step 3: sit back and enjoy your child's full ride thru college .
Step 4: then do a dance because you get 4 more years of child support to put towards all the stuff you didn't use for them anyways.
There..it's just that easy.
Step 1: Negotiate settlement in which I'm "permitted" to keep investments in my name (from my own earnings after paying household expenses and being the sole support of the family in the 5 years soon-to-be-Ex was unemployed) in return for not getting CS (he never had any substantial work after the divorce and lived off of social programs after spending the $100K he got from his share of the equity in the marital home and never would have paid a dime anyway). Ex agrees to "try" to help with college and other expenses.
Step 2: Judge agrees to settlement and grants decree. Believe me, I was thrilled with it.
Step 3: Pay about $50K total for DS's HS education at a military boarding school from 1999-2003 because the public school system was failing him. Nothing from the Ex.
Step 4: Pay half DS's education costs at a good private college. Ex's sister paid the other half- purely voluntary, much appreciated and she could afford it. If that hadn't happened I would have cheerfully paid for DS to attend the local state university myself. Nothing from the Ex.
I'd do it all over again. Not all custodial parents take the non-custodial parent to the cleaners.
Of course not. It does happen, but I know more women who got screwed out of money after a divorce than those who got a windfall.
I would do it all over again, too. I stayed in the too-expensive town because they had good schools and my mother lived there and my daughter could go to her house after school. The town was safe, even though I couldn't really afford to live there. More than half my take-home salary went to rent.
It was a financial benefit to me just to get my husband out of the house, because he was expensive to feed and his bad habits kept costing me. I actually told the lawyer I didn't want to bother applying for child support because I knew my husband wouldn't pay anyway, but he said the state requires that it be part of a divorce settlement whether you ask for it or not.
I only pursued the child support when he had pulled himself together after the divorce enough that he had a live-in super job that paid $60K plus a free apartment. I thought that asking to help support his daughter for the last couple years of her childhood wasn't out of line, but he was angry about it, as I knew he would be. By then she was 16 and understood that her dad was an alcoholic, so I didn't worry so much about what he might do or how it might affect their relationship as I did earlier. At that point she had laid down the law about him not being drunk when she was around him, so in her last year of high school, we were all able to go out to lunch together and have the conversation about sharing some of the college costs almost like adults. He did pay two semesters, so that was something.
<snip> It was a financial benefit to me just to get my husband out of the house, because he was expensive to feed and his bad habits kept costing me. I actually told the lawyer I didn't want to bother applying for child support because I knew my husband wouldn't pay anyway, but he said the state requires that it be part of a divorce settlement whether you ask for it or not.
<snip>By then she was 16 and understood that her dad was an alcoholic, so I didn't worry so much about what he might do or how it might affect their relationship as I did earlier.
I think we were married to the same man!
I'm still surprised that I was able to waive CS; I understand the state's concern that if I ran into financial difficulties DS and I might become reliant on the taxpayers. (That never happened.) This was NJ in 1997 so maybe they've tightened up. I just KNEW that giving up real assets up front in return for his promise to pay anything in the future would have been a losing proposition.
I used to work with a woman who called her mom on the phone during the day, yelling at her about taking care of the kids, cleaning their rooms, even how to arrange the toys in their rooms. She would verbally abuse her poor mom who was selflessly watching the kids so her daughter could work and not have to pay for childcare.
Well, allowing yourself to be treated this way is a choice.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
