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NewtoCA and Serious Conversation are right on! emotional connection....
although some characteristics are non-negotiable (unacceptable).....
VTsnowbird has great humor on this one!
Just because you have a great emotional connection doesn't mean it's easy.
I've written about this on the relationships board before. We broke up in August, but she is moving next week, so wanted to spend her last week here with me.
She has a lot of health issues at 26 now - lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, had a stroke at 23, double hip replacement. She can walk fine, but now her knees need a replacement, so it's only over relatively short distances. I've been pushing the wheelchair in big stores again this week.
I'm 34. We're basically eight years apart. I've never had a single significant medical problem. I try to understand, but I really can't. It's tough to relate on health issues for us. I drink like a fish, am a bit overweight (but averaged 10k steps per day for July - so active), eat whatever I want, etc., and she has to be very careful. She gets jealous of my good health.
That doesn't even account for usual couple issues. She abuses medication from time to time. She's had "bad headaches" lately, and was prescribed a muscle relaxer for them that basically knocks her out. I had to carry her upstairs from the rocking chair (where she fell asleep) to the bed last night before 9. She was talking about how "I didn't bring all the bags up from the Hilton." She woke up around midnight, and I had been drinking in my upstairs office. I take so much abuse, then explode. She knows what buttons to push.
We had a loud argument, but walked away from it and went back to bed (though separate bedrooms), and had a big, happy day today.
Love is tough. I'm not sure this is going to work long-term now. I'm up in the air on the area she is moving to - I've been there, better than here, but I like other places better. All I can do is manage things the best I can on a daily basis.
Right now, at this moment in my senior life, the "perfect mate" would have the following qualities (in no order):
* Good teeth/breath
* Good health
* Financial stability
* Emotional stability
* Easy-going personality
* Fun and good-natured
* Moral and ethical
* Squeaky clean (bathes at least once per day)
* Good listener
* Loves to travel (short or long trips) - and is spontaneous
* Appreciation for other cultures
* Politically liberal
* Spiritual and aware
* Handy and helpful
* Good cook or prep cook
* Interested in lots of stuff
* Non-traditional
* Artistic
two questions:
1. are you already all of these things also?
2. and once you show her your list, are you of course asking to see her list to see what all she expects you to be do and have?
i've always found two things helpful to find out:
ask the person what they feel are their worst traits; and see if they are deal breakers for me
and
(this i read somewhere and it is so true) be in some situation where they get angry and see how they handle anger.
oh, one more, a must check.
eat out and see how they treat the waitress
Wow! As I read through the list, I thought he/she is describing my spouse. I’m blessed to have a wonderful spouse who makes me laugh everyday. If they go before me, I wouldn’t even try to find another one. No one would measure up. And it would be WAY too messy financially and my family has to come first.
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