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I believe you are male, so I'll take that standpoint (with caveats if you are female)
Does your belly hang over your belt?
If she's"perfect for you"...but doesn't like hairy chest, will you shave it all daily with your shower?
ARE YOU willing to do the cooking every other day? To share that responsibility?
If she was a lifetime house wife..ORwas devastated financially by a divorce if you are female...can YOU OFFER FINANCIAL SUPPORT?
Are looking for her to "mother you"..do all that "squeaky cleaning" of the house? Or will you share and do that chore every other week?
Are you looking for her to do your laundry and iron anything that needs it? Or will you help?
You say you've been married a couple times before..what was YOUR part in those divorces? Or previous relationship failings?
Sounds like you WANT what YOU WANT, but with failed previous relationships, YOU apparently CANT be "perfect"! ( Unless the parties passed, then I'm sorry for the inference)
Marriage..any marriage is hard work. Each partner has THEIR expectations, meanwhile each partners has THEIR offerings.
Even in my conveluted marriage, we each had/have expectations that weren't met by the other party!
As long as their are two opinions, two sets of expectations, two sets of ideas "how it should be"...there are NOUND to be differences!
And to guys looking for a mate in my traveling circle of friends...MOST do NOT live up to "being as equal a quality offering" as they claim they are looking for!!
This is true. My dad died at 57, from a heart attack. My parents were the love of each other’s life. About a month after he died, I told my mother that I knew she wasn’t ready for this, but, when she was, I was not going to be one of those awful children who refused to accept her dating.
She looked at me as if I were insane.
Couple of years later I broached the subject again, I told her the same thing. And she said that one of her friends was dating after losing her husband of many years. And she said the only thing she can say about him is that he’s clean.
She also said that at her stage of life over 50, the pool was very very small. Men her age were going after younger women, men older than her were looking for someone to nurse them through their final days.
She said if it happens, it happens. But she is not looking for it. She didn’t date, she never remarried. My sister in somewhat the same boat although just a divorce, went the same route. Now I’m in the same boat, and I feel much the same as my mother. If it happens it happens. I can’t imagine remarrying though. I certainly don’t want to deal with step children although it by this point they’d be married with their own kids, I certainly don’t wanna have to deal with prenups, and I certainly don’t want to have to deal with trying to take care of somebody again.
I went from being a daughter to a wife to a widow. Now it’s my turn to live life on my terms.
Sometimes I see a handsome young guy with a overweight , frumpy, unattractive wife and wonder what happened there.
Long ago, in the faraway 70’s I worked for a physically gorgeous radiologist in his prime. He admitted he picked a wife who wasn’t a stunner on purpose. He want a wife who would be happy to stay home with the kids and felt lucky she got him as a husband.
I was 19 years old and after I realized he was not joking, I was appalled at such overt sexism, even for that time era. So, depending on your view point, the guy was/is an egotistical a-hole or a shrewd, smart guy.
I thought nobodysbusiness is female. Is the person male?
About the 'nice or good figure' - men who are married to their partner for several or many decades (or even shorter time spans) often forgive figure flaws and being overweight especially as the couple age together and especially at older years - and often if they love each other and are compatible.
But I know this thread is based on 'The Perfect Mate' concept.
Women are not supposed to be just decorative.
And often the men demanding a good figure are often FAR from good looking or physically fit or being attractive, and are the opposite.
Last edited by matisse12; 08-02-2020 at 12:14 PM..
After my divorce I joined Match.com and POF. Went on a few dates and was thoroughly unimpressed. One guy basically offered himself up as a f*ck buddy. ON A FIRST DATE?? I was horrified. The one guy I did connect with advertised himself as "separated." I assumed that a divorce was not far behind. Turned out that though he was living physically apart from his wife, he and she were acting out some sort of psychological "cat and mouse" head game and I wound up getting caught in the middle.
<snip>
Hahaha, that reminded me of one of my experiences. After my divorce in the early 00s, I did Yahoo Personals, Match.com, etc., for a time.
One guy I struck up a conversation with asked me to meet for a drink at a local place. His profile said he was divorced and had a daughter about the same age as my own. What had caught my eye most and started our conversation is that he was a survivor from the 9/11 attacks on the WTC. So am I. There are about 15,000 of us who got out before the buildings fell.
We met, and he was funny and a real computer geek. Regaled me with his stories of dumpster diving behind computer companies in the area. Saw that he had either lost a lot of hair recently, or his profile pic was a lot older than his profile, but hey, some guys are weird about their hairlines, although that never bothered me personally in a man.
So then I asked how long he was divorced. He hesitated, and then he confessed he was really only separated. So then I asked how long he was separated, did he see his daughter on weekends or what, etc. Well, it turned out he was separated, but still living in the same house with his wife because of the daughter and the house and his wife's bad back...
So I said, "Let's clear up the terms here, Bob. What you actually are is called 'married'. You are not 'divorced', and you are not 'separated'. You are MARRIED." He just laughed and looked kind of sheepish and gave the old "we live separate lives/have nothing in common" story. At that time, I was still in my early forties and still had hope that I would have a chance to get married again. I told him I didn't want to date a married person, but we did end up having another beer, exchanged our September 11 stories, and remained friends. As a matter of fact, every year around the anniversary, I get note waving from wherever he is now. Down south, I think. Don't know if he remained married or not. It was just another one of my story collections from my Online Dating Attempts.
Or money! LOL Seriously, we women do get tired of having to be the brains of the whole operation.
I have a 64 year old friend who has just the most unrealistic checklist for what she would consider in a mate. And so, 20 years after her divorce, she remains single. Her first husband was a real prize (lazy, dishonest, frequently unpleasant, eventually became addicted to drugs, became bi-polar, and cheated on her) so I don't have much faith in her "picker", or her ideas of good qualities in a mate.
I married that guy, too, and I was terrified afterward that I would find another one just like him because that happens so frequently. There are reasons. Went through lots of therapy so I didn't do that, but the price I paid for being smarter was being alone.
I thought nobodysbusiness is female. Is the person male?
About the 'nice or good figure' - men who are married to their partner for several or many decades (or even shorter time spans) often forgive figure flaws and being overweight especially as the couple age together and especially at older years - and often if they love each other and are compatible.
But I know this thread is based on 'The Perfect Mate' concept.
Women are not supposed to be just decorative.
And often the men demanding a good figure are often FAR from good looking or physically fit or being attractive, and are the opposite.
The person is female.
Looks was not an item on my list - obviously prefer more attractive, rather than less attractive, but at my age, I don't think it is reasonable to have attractiveness as something I would expect (especially because of our culture and how women are devalued).
I thought nobodysbusiness is female. Is the person male?
About the 'nice or good figure' - men who are married to their partner for several or many decades (or even shorter time spans) often forgive figure flaws and being overweight especially as the couple age together and especially at older years - and often if they love each other and are compatible.
But I know this thread is based on 'The Perfect Mate' concept.
Women are not supposed to be just decorative.
And often the men demanding a good figure are often FAR from good looking or physically fit or being attractive, and are the opposite.
My great-Aunt Mary just died a couple of weeks ago She was 95 years old. Her equally 95-year-old husband is still alive. He visited her every day for five years at the assisted living where she resided because she could not longer walk, and then last year he began to talk about having to fight the Germans, so his children put him in the same facility.
I once saw their wedding picture, and I didn't recognize her. I knew her as a five-foot-tall, five-foot-wide woman who wore tent dresses and had jet-black dyed hair and bright red lipstick, always. My great-uncle was a tall skinny beanpole, and he is still is. They married hastily at 20 because their son was on the way. She was slim and beautiful in the old wedding photo.
For 75 years, they adored each other. The people at the assisted living thought it was adorable that they still obviously loved each other so much. I don't know when she began to gain weight, but I don't remember her as anything but obese. Always laughing, always smiling, always chattering a great cook, and my g-uncle would just sit next to her, murmuring funny little responses under his breath to everything she said. It worked for them, fat or thin, so who is to say.
I expect that we'll hear before too long that he followed her.
I believe you are male, so I'll take that standpoint (with caveats if you are female)
Does your belly hang over your belt?
If she's"perfect for you"...but doesn't like hairy chest, will you shave it all daily with your shower?
ARE YOU willing to do the cooking every other day? To share that responsibility?
If she was a lifetime house wife..ORwas devastated financially by a divorce if you are female...can YOU OFFER FINANCIAL SUPPORT?
Are looking for her to "mother you"..do all that "squeaky cleaning" of the house? Or will you share and do that chore every other week?
Are you looking for her to do your laundry and iron anything that needs it? Or will you help?
You say you've been married a couple times before..what was YOUR part in those divorces? Or previous relationship failings?
Sounds like you WANT what YOU WANT, but with failed previous relationships, YOU apparently CANT be "perfect"! ( Unless the parties passed, then I'm sorry for the inference)
Marriage..any marriage is hard work. Each partner has THEIR expectations, meanwhile each partners has THEIR offerings.
Even in my conveluted marriage, we each had/have expectations that weren't met by the other party!
As long as their are two opinions, two sets of expectations, two sets of ideas "how it should be"...there are NOUND to be differences!
And to guys looking for a mate in my traveling circle of friends...MOST do NOT live up to "being as equal a quality offering" as they claim they are looking for!!
the back, too.
don't forget shaving the hairy back too.
My great-Aunt Mary just died a couple of weeks ago She was 95 years old. Her equally 95-year-old husband is still alive. He visited her every day for five years at the assisted living where she resided because she could not longer walk, and then last year he began to talk about having to fight the Germans, so his children put him in the same facility.
I once saw their wedding picture, and I didn't recognize her. I knew her as a five-foot-tall, five-foot-wide woman who wore tent dresses and had jet-black dyed hair and bright red lipstick, always. My great-uncle was a tall skinny beanpole, and he is still is. They married hastily at 20 because their son was on the way. She was slim and beautiful in the old wedding photo.
For 75 years, they adored each other. The people at the assisted living thought it was adorable that they still obviously loved each other so much. I don't know when she began to gain weight, but I don't remember her as anything but obese. Always laughing, always smiling, always chattering a great cook, and my g-uncle would just sit next to her, murmuring funny little responses under his breath to everything she said. It worked for them, fat or thin, so who is to say.
I expect that we'll hear before too long that he followed her.
I love this description so much. It seems like the Greatest Generation had so many people of amazing character (compared to other generations).
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Solly says — Be nice!
The one guy I did connect with advertised himself as "separated." I assumed that a divorce was not far behind. Turned out that though he was living physically apart from his wife, he and she were acting out some sort of psychological "cat and mouse" head game and I wound up getting caught in the middle. 
My great-Aunt Mary just died a couple of weeks ago She was 95 years old. Her equally 95-year-old husband is still alive. He visited her every day for five years at the assisted living where she resided because she could not longer walk, and then last year he began to talk about having to fight the Germans, so his children put him in the same facility.
