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I can sum it up in one conversation I had with my grandmother. I was 20, full time in college, worked in a band on the side. I was at a 'Mormon' family gathering, she said to me, in a loud voice in front of everyone,
"Oh, you're 20, and you're not married? What's wrong with you? Are you gay?"
We were never close.
Last edited by MichiganGreg; 09-25-2021 at 08:01 AM..
I can sum it up in one conversation I had with my grandmother. I was 20, full time in college, worked in a band on the side. I was at a 'Mormon' family gathering, she said to me, in a loud voice in front of everyone,
"Oh, you're 20, and you're not married? What's wrong with you? Are you gay?"
We were never close.
Yup, that's got to be the fault of her religion. No grandmother other than a Mormon one would say such an idiotic thing.
When I dropped out of high school, my maternal grandmother told me that I would shovel manure for a farmer for the rest of my life. Of course, it had to be translated for me as she did not speak English and I did not speak Polish.
My grandparents were all sweet as could be. But we never had any one-on-one interactions because there were just too many of us --- 32 on the maternal side.
My paternal grandpa related to me with horses, though. He actually trimmed my horse's hooves well into his 80s, went riding with me once then fell off. Can't believe he didn't break anything at that age! He was a hoot, giving colonics back in the 60s, massages, inventing his own laxatives, selling his son's dog treats all over the country....
No kids here either, but had wonderful grandparents!
Especially my maternal grandmother. Everyone said she was a living saint. She died when I was 3, but I still remember her. Spending the night with her, eating the yummy things she made. She lived right next door.
My grandfather always had money stashed away and if we needed something - there it was. My paternal grandmother died before my father was even married - so never knew her. My paternal grandfather we would visit maybe twice a year. A slim tall man in starched khaki pants and white shirt. He would take all his meals at his sisters house. He was always so neat.
I saw both set of grandparents twice a year: Christmas and Fourth of July. Both grandparents were great with us: one set reserved and the other more boisterous. We were treated more like company than family though. The in-town cousins were jealous of the attention we got when we visited, but I was envious they got to see the grandparents whenever they wanted.
Our own grandkids live two miles away and are a big part of our lives. They were three years old and three months old when we moved here and are now nine and twelve. Both are growing more independent and our importance to them is diminishing as we knew it would and should. We are glad we were here for their early years, the everyday little nothings and interactions have added up and made good bonds between us.
We are here for them when they want and need us, but don’t expect that to be reciprocated down the road.
Growing up, I never met my paternal grandparents as they had died long before I was born. However, I did know my maternal grandparents. We even lived with them briefly. My maternal grandfather died when I was four. The one clear memory I have of him wasn't a good one. I was with him in their basement where he had a workroom with tools in it. I touched one of the tools which made him angry (apparently, he had told me not to touch anything). When he was done there, he got ahead of me and deliberately locked me in the basement. I remember crying and feeling my way around only to have found that he locked all the exits. One exit lead to the hallway where their apartment was. I remember crying for my grandmother. Later, I learned that he told her to not let me out...
My grandmother was a meek woman who acted helpless. It didn't take me long to figure out that every conversation I would have with her got reported verbatim to my mother. That meant I could never confide in my grandmother. She also allowed my mother to bully and verbally abuse her. The few times my grandmother tried to defend me from my mother's abuse only made things worse for me. Every time my grandmother would do something nice for me, my mother would scream at her and telling her she was spoiling me.
I'm a grandma now. Our daughter turned out to not have much in the way of maternal instincts. So when she wreaked havoc on our lives as well as her husband and kids, we intervened to help their Dad get custody of them. We make a point of talking to them once a week, Also, we've let them know we are there for them. After they were settled in with their Dad, one of the grandkids thanked us for all we did for them. We let them know we loved them and want them to have good lives.
Religion Katzpur ? For me it was the era. Before, 1964, careers for woman had a choice of
nurse, teacher or secretary If she didn't marry out of high school.
1967, my husband's neighbor, when visiting his folks in MN asked if he was married, he was 21 at that time. When he informed her he wasn't, she asked what was wrong with him ?
When I moved as a single woman, 1965, to attend school, from Northern California, to Missouri, then Chicago to work, people wanted to know why I left CA and didn't know what to think of me on my own at a young age, daring ? For me, living in the Midwest, 1965, it was like stepping back in time to the 1950's !
So ! Grandparents, when you think of them or knew them, remember the era when they were young. My grandparents were late 1800's, early 1900's ! Maternal grandmother usually wore suits, did world traveling. That too was considered unusual. More a no nonsense woman, though knew she loved my brother and I very much.
is anyone else confused? The OP asks about our relationship with our grandchildren, talks about his relationship with his grandparents, and then most of the thread is about posters relationships with their own grandparents.
When my children and their families were young, I was more involved with my grandchildren even though they were scattered over the country. If one of my kids found a cheap airplane ticket, I would be coming to visit. Summers, the grands could come with their parents and stay for awhile. I remember the time when they were small with great fondness. And since everyone is pulled in different directions, we had a summer get together instead of Christmas..... at least until the children were old enough to afford "real" vacations. And the inevitableness of grandchildren going on to lives and interests of their own.
My children are grandparents now and we still live a distance from each other. We keep in touch and I enjoy their news and pictures, but to be honest, I am not up to being hostess anymore. I wish of course that I had the fantasy family life but I like my independent life very much and I am proud of them all.
I would hate to live close and have any one of them feel about me as the OP does about his. I think they would be sad to read his post.
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And the inevitableness of grandchildren going on to lives and interests of their own.
