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I have a 17 year old granddaughter. Until she was 12 we lived nearby and before she was 11 she was a frequent visitor in our home and we had a good relationship. Lots of fun outings, singing together, baking together, doing art projects… But as she became a teen, she rejected all overtures to spend time with me. When she was 14, I took her on a week-long vacation to NYC and Washington DC. Broadway show, NYC sights, shopping, all the monuments in DC. She was rude and would put in her iphone headphones most of the time. She was on her iphone all the time. If I tried to touch her or hug her she would push me away or shrug me off. I bought her lots of clothing and makeup on that trip and she would be momentarily happy when a purchase was made but pretty much back to the bad behavior afterwards. I tried to discuss this with her and she just shrugged. Of course I have seen her since and she pretty much avoids talking to me. She has openly remarked that I am old and don’t know anything. Its very hurtful. I have discussed this with her Dad (my son) and he pretty much throws his hands up and kind of says “Teenagers!”
I love being with my grandkids [and now, my 3 great granddaughters and soon to be born great-grandson] and even when we go on a cruise we have to bring at least one or 2 of them with us. It's pretty easy to enjoy them when they are the cutest and sweetest kids in the world.
As for my own grandparents. Both my maternal and paternal grandfathers passed well before I was born[my parents met when visiting their dying fathers] My paternal grandmother was pretty much a ***** and my maternal grandmother was a decent person, just not very "grandmotherly."
My grandpa, though, [technically my step-grandfather] was beyond amazing. They lived in Illinois and came to visiit us in Colorado once a year, i'm thinking for about 10 days. I totally adored him. He was the only person in the world who would tell me I was a sweet girl, a smart girl, a beautiful little girl. He always hugged me and read to me, told me stories about his childhood, and took me out for ice cream.
My other siblings didn't like him. They said he was dirty, stupid and smelled bad. I didn't care how he looked or smelled. I did agree that he must be stupid but I didn't care. The reason I agreed he was stupid is because he would tell me "Vicky, I love you as much as I do my real grandchildren." I thought "well grandpa must be stupid because I AM his real grandchild" but I didn't care.
He knew that I was horrifically abused [ he did not come close to knowing the extent]and would cry and say more than anything he wished I could live with him and grandma, that he's even asked my dad and the year he did that my family made my grandma and grandpa leave early.
When I was really little he used to bring me a rabbits' foot every year. I loved them so much and thought of them as being actually alive. I would sleep with them under my pillow every night.
When it dawned on me that the rabbit's feet were from DEAD rabbits, he took me out and bought me Mexican jumping beans. He warned me that they would eventually stop moving, but he said that meant that they were sleeping, getting ready to hatch. He said that the altitude was too high in Colorado for them to hatch so he would bring me new ones every year and take the old ones home to plant in his garden, right next to the scarecrow.
Those beans, along with books and pansys in the summer [you know, they had faces, sortof] were my only friends as a young child and they would give me comfort until I saw my grandpa again. I slept with them every single night.
I was 11 when my grandmother died. Grandpa drove down in his camper shortly thereafter and my family ran him off telling him they had always hated him and had only put up with him because of my grandmother. My brother held me back so I couldn't even wave goodbye.
I kept my mexican jumping beans for many years after I realized that when they stopped moving it was because they had died. And I did not totally believe the terrible things my family said about me, because even then, I knew they were bad people. And I mostly believed the good things my grandpa said to me because I knew he was good and kind.
my grandkids know I will always be there for them like my grandpa was for me. Of course, thank God, they all have parents and siblings who are a little bit like my grandpa too.
is anyone else confused? The OP asks about our relationship with our grandchildren, talks about his relationship with his grandparents, and then most of the thread is about posters relationships with their own grandparents.
When my children and their families were young, I was more involved with my grandchildren even though they were scattered over the country. If one of my kids found a cheap airplane ticket, I would be coming to visit. Summers, the grands could come with their parents and stay for awhile. I remember the time when they were small with great fondness. And since everyone is pulled in different directions, we had a summer get together instead of Christmas..... at least until the children were old enough to afford "real" vacations. And the inevitableness of grandchildren going on to lives and interests of their own.
My children are grandparents now and we still live a distance from each other. We keep in touch and I enjoy their news and pictures, but to be honest, I am not up to being hostess anymore. I wish of course that I had the fantasy family life but I like my independent life very much and I am proud of them all.
I would hate to live close and have any one of them feel about me as the OP does about his. I think they would be sad to read his post.
Imagine that! A thread in the Retirement forum that is wandering a bit off of the exact topic!
I have a 17 year old granddaughter. Until she was 12 we lived nearby and before she was 11 she was a frequent visitor in our home and we had a good relationship. Lots of fun outings, singing together, baking together, doing art projects… But as she became a teen, she rejected all overtures to spend time with me. When she was 14, I took her on a week-long vacation to NYC and Washington DC. Broadway show, NYC sights, shopping, all the monuments in DC. She was rude and would put in her iphone headphones most of the time. She was on her iphone all the time. If I tried to touch her or hug her she would push me away or shrug me off. I bought her lots of clothing and makeup on that trip and she would be momentarily happy when a purchase was made but pretty much back to the bad behavior afterwards. I tried to discuss this with her and she just shrugged. Of course I have seen her since and she pretty much avoids talking to me. She has openly remarked that I am old and don’t know anything. Its very hurtful. I have discussed this with her Dad (my son) and he pretty much throws his hands up and kind of says “Teenagers!”
My parents wouldn't have put up with that kind of behavior for a second.
I remember my sister, my dad, & I were at my grandmother's house when she took us out to get ice cream while my dad stayed back at her place. We walked to the ice cream place and were being generally annoying and bratty. We didn't think she'd tell my dad we were being brats, but we were wrong! When we got back to the house, my dad asked her about how we behaved. And she said matter of factly, right in front of us "They were bad". We got a ration of sh*t from my dad in the car on the way home. And, if I remember right, we got it from my mom afterwards, too (she had stayed at home that night).
I don't have any grandchildren. If I ever have any, I do worry a bit that I won't know how to be a grandmother.
All my grandparents were dead by the time I reached Kindergarten age, and they lived very far away. I only ever laid eyes on two of them (paternal grandfather and maternal grandmother), but it was only maybe 2 or three times total for each of them before they died.
I have a 17 year old granddaughter. Until she was 12 we lived nearby and before she was 11 she was a frequent visitor in our home and we had a good relationship. Lots of fun outings, singing together, baking together, doing art projects… But as she became a teen, she rejected all overtures to spend time with me. When she was 14, I took her on a week-long vacation to NYC and Washington DC. Broadway show, NYC sights, shopping, all the monuments in DC. She was rude and would put in her iphone headphones most of the time. She was on her iphone all the time. If I tried to touch her or hug her she would push me away or shrug me off. I bought her lots of clothing and makeup on that trip and she would be momentarily happy when a purchase was made but pretty much back to the bad behavior afterwards. I tried to discuss this with her and she just shrugged. Of course I have seen her since and she pretty much avoids talking to me. She has openly remarked that I am old and don’t know anything. Its very hurtful. I have discussed this with her Dad (my son) and he pretty much throws his hands up and kind of says “Teenagers!”
I'm sorry you had that experience, WorldKlas. It must have been heartbreaking. I'm sure you put a lot of thought into planning that trip and thought it would be a real treat for your grand daughter.
I think I agree with your son. "Teenagers!". I am thinking of instances with my daughters, and to be honest, my own behavior at that age. I know I disappointed my parents a few times when they planned something special for the family and all I wanted was to be with my friends.
And you made me remember an incident with one of my children. She had been dealing with an especially irritating teen while I was visiting. We were in the car and she suddenly burst into tears and said "oh mama, I'm sorry if I sometimes acted awful when I was a teen." I just patted her on the arm and said "don't worry sweetheart. I was a pretty bratty teen myself ".
I wouldn't excuse your grand daughter's behavior but I hope you can get past it. She's probably avoiding you because she knows she acted badly. She wouldn't be getting any gifts from me for awhile...... and if anyone noticed, I'd just say cheerfully "Oh we spent a week in NYC and she got her gift then"
Last edited by newcomputer; 09-26-2021 at 01:49 AM..
My mom's parents died before she got married. My dad's parents were 1st generation immigrants, never owned a house or a car, lived in senior housing. We would see them on Sunday, someone had to pick them up and take them to the house of one of their kids. They had over 20 gkids so there wasn't a lot of special attention. I would get $1 in a card for my birthday or Christmas. My grand-dad had such a thick accent I could not understand him until I was about 12.
One time they babysat for us at our house while my parents were away. I remember they made us kneel in the living room and say the rosary. Fun times.
I also forgot to have kids but married an older man who had 4 kids and they now have kids of their own. I love them all but I realized they are more important to me than I am to them. I would see them maybe once or twice a year after my DH died. None since the pandemic. I do send them birthday and holiday gifts.
I had excellent maternal grandparents. So many good times. My parents were also excellent grandparents. I have 3 sons and only the oldest is married and they don’t want children. My other 2 sons would have to marry younger than themselves if they want children.
I have two young grands and I love them dearly. We moved to be closer to our adult kids, and our grandkids. So, no, I am blessed to have a great relationship with my two.
My paternal grands seemed remote to me. When I was very young we visited my paternal grandpa, and I remember being surprised at how happy he was to see our family. I barely knew him because he lived about 200 miles away.
I knew my maternal grands better. After my granddad died, my parents moved my grandmother to our city, and moved her again years later when they retired. I knew her the best of my grands. I learned to love flowers, and growing them, because of her influence.
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And the inevitableness of grandchildren going on to lives and interests of their own.
