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My living set of grandparents are in their late 80s. We were never close growing up - he was a bad alcoholic with over a dozen felonies, and she probably contributed a lot to his issues, as she had mental issues of her own. He had a heart attack back in 2010 at 75/76, spent a couple months getting better and in alcohol rehab, and hasn't had a drink since.
I've spent more time with them since then, with the exception of the past year or two. She obviously has a pretty significant level of dementia (far as I know, never diagnosed), and the past few times I've seen her, she usually doesn't know who I am. He has deteriorated a lot in the past year or so - won't fix his brakes for $500 for fear of running out of money, riding around with thousands of dollars in the glove box, all sorts of poor judgment decisions.
They're in no shape to fix anything. I feel sort of guilty for not being closer to them, but you can't get back those 25+ years where he was too drunk and she too hateful to form a relationship with the grandchildren.
I don't have any hard feelings toward them, but we were never close.
Did you have a bad relationship with your grandchildren? What was the cause?
I had a wonderful relationship with all my grandparents. They were loving, kind, and wonderful influences on me. My children are very close to my parents even though they live 650 miles away. I am trying to be the kind of grandparent my grandchildren will cherish. So far, I think I’m doing a pretty good job. They love to come to Susu and Granddaddy’s house to play, hang out, bake, ride bikes, sleep over etc. We follow their parents big rules, but they get lots of special treats here too.
I have no children to relate to. Three grandparents (the immigrants) all died before I was born. The fourth was a burned-out schizophrenic, was filthy and crazy and her daughters couldn't stand her. No good memories here.
I have no grandchildren and no great-nieces or nephews either. Loved my maternal grandma, she was a sweetheart - her husband died when I was very young so I barely remember him. My paternal grandparents were different in that they were a bit "backwards", and had a ton of grandchildren other than me (I have a very large family) so I think I just felt a bit lost in the crowd LOL. I did not spend much time with them, so I really never felt close to them.
They're kin/family. Let bygones be bygones, we (I) made mistakes. For me, my conscience, I would telephone their doctor or someone to check on them.
For myself, I learned to love my Mom, accept her as she was, it was challenging. Years ago, she wanted me to know God, have a relationship with Him through His Son Jesus Christ. For that alone, I'm eternally grateful. When she went to her eternal home, died almost 94 years old, I had shalom/peace.
Loving to your grandparents, it would be caring of you to seek outside assistance for them. For your own peace.
I am grandchild challenged with zero and only had one living grandparent that I remember. I would probably need a remedial course on grandparenting if I was ever so blessed.
Well when my maternal grandparents got my birth announcement & baby pictures in the mail they drew black lines across it & wrote "return to sender" on it & sent it back unopened.
They had disowned my mom for marrying a "white" guy & not complying with her arranged marriage. Yeah, Mom was Greek & Greeks are white ... or maybe Olive, lol but they considered my dad to be white. And Catholic. They had also threatened to take a hit out on my dad with the Greek Mafia.
So ... I didn't meet them until I was 10. My papou was kinda scary to me. He was loud & gruff & had a big dent in his forehead from getting kicked by a donkey in Greece. I was expected to toast & drink a shot of Ouzo before meals & I remember how it burned my throat. My yiya didn't speak hardly any English. At first she could say "Too skinny. Eat!" & years later "Christina; you meet nice Greek boy from church to marry. Praise the God".
As the years passed I grew to respect them very much. Now that they are gone I am amazed at their story, how they came to America with nothing. My papou all alone at age 14, on the streets of Chicago's South Side & my yiaya 10 years later on the Queen Mary, coming to marry the boy she had been arranged to as a child. Nevertheless, my papou became a liquor wholesaler & yiya was a seamstress for the Denver socialites, they owned properties & put all 4 of their children through college.
Just amazing people. The whole disowning thing was growing pains; old traditions in a new country. My paternal grandma was amazing too in her own way. Whole other story for another post, met her when I was 3 after my parents brought me here from Japan.
We have one child, now 16, and she is fortunate to have known all her grandparents. But they all lived far away so she only saw them once or twice a year.
It's the same situation as when I was growing up; the grandparents were these semi strangers who came to visit once a year.
If you want your children to know their grandparents, live in the same place.
We have no kids, thus no grandkids. With my own grandparents, they always lived over a hundred miles away and back then (the 60s) that was considered a very long way to go, what with having to go over the mountains and through downtown LA or Pasadena to get there. Later they moved to Arkansas, so I really never saw them then, and Grandpa passed away when I was in high school. So I did love them and enjoyed the time I did have with them, but it was few and far between.
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