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I have five or six grandchildren that I know next to nothing about. The reason(s) are too painful and personal to share here. Suffice it to say that my adult children decided this was to be my punishment for divorcing their mother(a divorce I did not want and fought as long as I legally could even though she had an affair).
Without question, I will go to my grave feeling I have failed.
Well, if you don't have children, then it is kind of hard to have grandchildren.
Going the other direction, no, I had a wonderful relationship with mine.
On one of my walls, there is a picture of the family together, I guess it was when we were putting my Father's ashes in the ocean, and it has his step mother who lived there.......and 3 generations after and his flying buddy and wife. Mom, Sister, Uncle, his children (ie, me and brothers), cousins, the child of one of my cousins.
That was back in the last century and a number of that picture are gone now.....and it is one of the motivations why I want to start sending Christmas cards this year.
He apparently has some compulsion to go around driving at night. His truck's brakes are shot, and my uncle said he's been riding around with thousands of dollars in his glovebox. He won't spend any money to do even something basic like brake repairs. Dad said he wrote a $7,000 check to the "FBI" recently. He's also been cited a couple of times for driving too slowly. He also got lost ten minutes away from home a week or so ago, and drove around for about three more hours before making it home.
There is no way that he needs to drive, but he's unwilling to give up the keys, and gets belligerent when anyone suggests that. They aren't safe living like this.
Dismantle the truck under the hood. Trying to reason someone this far gone into giving up the keys seldom works.
I took my parents out for dinner last night, and apparently grandfather has gone downhill significantly within the last few weeks.
He apparently has some compulsion to go around driving at night. His truck's brakes are shot, and my uncle said he's been riding around with thousands of dollars in his glovebox. He won't spend any money to do even something basic like brake repairs. Dad said he wrote a $7,000 check to the "FBI" recently. He's also been cited a couple of times for driving too slowly. He also got lost ten minutes away from home a week or so ago, and drove around for about three more hours before making it home.
There is no way that he needs to drive, but he's unwilling to give up the keys, and gets belligerent when anyone suggests that. They aren't safe living like this.
Aunt is taking him to the doctor and he's completely noncompliant with his medication regimen. We really have no idea if his recent downturn is caused by something medical that could be resolved, some unaddressed dementia, or what.
My dad and his siblings had a conference call Monday night about them. 4/5 were in favor of trying to get medical power of attorney or similar and putting him in the hospital - the doctor wants to run a battery of tests to see what is wrong, given the rapid decline. There is no way my grandmother can live by herself.
Right now, he's a danger to himself and others on the roadways. I wouldn't be surprised if they both end up in a nursing home or even die soon. They're going downhill quickly.
In my opinion, 4 out of 5 should win. They need to decide who it will be that gets the power of attorney(s).
Is your aunt the one who usually takes him to doctor appointments? If so, she should be given medical power of attorney, unless she is the one who doesn't think he need someone to make decisions for him.
I'll put this out there, if you need someone to anonymously report him to DMV, send me a message. I'd be glad to help. Something needs to be done ASAP to get him off the streets. It's just a matter of time before he hurts himself or some innocent person, kid, or even family if he plows into them while driving. It will then be your grandmother, father and his siblings problem, but mostly on your grandmother.
If he has an accident, they may not only go after insurance, they can go after her, your father and his siblings for not taking his car away. It won't be the first time either. They will try to get criminal charges pressed on the family for not doing anything, it is that serious. You can do a google search for articles to give your dad so he can show them to his siblings. If I have time today I'll look.
I'm not surprised to hear about the money. He's my dad's age, if my dad didn't already pass away. My dad kept money hidden in his car too.
1. Durable power of attorney - Having a durable POA means your agent’s authority to act on your behalf continues if you become incapacitated — for example, if you fell into a coma.
Non-durable power of attorney - With a non-durable POA, your agent’s power to act ends if you become incapacitated.
2. Springing power of attorney - Once you execute a traditional POA, it’s effective immediately, and your agent can start exercising the powers you granted them right away. This can be useful when you’re using your POA for business or financial purposes. For example, if you own a business and move overseas, you can appoint an agent to manage it for you while you’re away.
3. General power of attorney - With a general power of attorney, you authorize your agent to act for you in all situations allowed by local law. This includes legal, financial, health, and business matters. General POAs can be durable or non-durable, depending on your preferences.
4. Financial power of attorney - A financial POA is considered a type of special or limited power of attorney, because it gives your agent authority to act on your behalf regarding certain subject matters of your choosing. In this case, it lets your agent make decisions about your money and property. For example, you could grant your agent the authority to:
Pay your bills and your family’s expenses
Make bank deposits and withdrawals
Collect and manage your retirement benefits
Sell or rent your real estate
File your taxes
You can choose which powers you want your agent to receive. For example, maybe you only want your agent to pay your bills or manage your property. And financial POAs can be durable or non-durable, depending on your preferences.
5. Medical power of attorney - A medical POA, also called a healthcare POA, is another type of special or limited power of attorney. It allows your agent to make healthcare decisions on your behalf. This could include decisions about your medical care, like:
Medical treatments
Medication
Surgery
End-of-life care
The doctors and hospitals used to administer your care
For example, if you’re too sick to let doctors know whether you want to receive a feeding tube, your healthcare agent can make that decision for you.
I took my parents out for dinner last night, and apparently grandfather has gone downhill significantly within the last few weeks.
He apparently has some compulsion to go around driving at night. His truck's brakes are shot, and my uncle said he's been riding around with thousands of dollars in his glovebox. He won't spend any money to do even something basic like brake repairs. Dad said he wrote a $7,000 check to the "FBI" recently. He's also been cited a couple of times for driving too slowly. He also got lost ten minutes away from home a week or so ago, and drove around for about three more hours before making it home.
There is no way that he needs to drive, but he's unwilling to give up the keys, and gets belligerent when anyone suggests that. They aren't safe living like this.
Aunt is taking him to the doctor and he's completely noncompliant with his medication regimen. We really have no idea if his recent downturn is caused by something medical that could be resolved, some unaddressed dementia, or what.
My dad and his siblings had a conference call Monday night about them. 4/5 were in favor of trying to get medical power of attorney or similar and putting him in the hospital - the doctor wants to run a battery of tests to see what is wrong, given the rapid decline. There is no way my grandmother can live by herself.
Right now, he's a danger to himself and others on the roadways. I wouldn't be surprised if they both end up in a nursing home or even die soon. They're going downhill quickly.
A downturn can be that sudden. Something similar happened with my father-in-law, who was probably in the same generation as your grandfather. The last time he was allowed to drive, He was supposed to have been driving across town, but called in the middle of the night admitting he was lost and unable to identify where he was. As it turned out, he was near the state line, and thank God, when we called the state police they found him just off the freeway less than a mile from their station. We drove to the station to pick him up, stopped at a Cracker Barrel for breakfast on the way home...and he had totally forgotten the entire incident.
But he got much worse than that very, very quickly. He had been an Army combat veteran of both the Korean and Vietnam wars. He regressed into a state in which in his head he was being held captive by the enemy--all of us, everyone around him (he no longer recognized his own family)--and he constantly sought to escape. He was still a big, powerful man...and he wasn't above using violence to "escape" his captors.
He couldn't be kept at home and got thrown out of four different nursing homes. At one point, he had just had knee surgery, had literally just awoken from the anesthesia, had ripped out the IVs, staggered out of the room, and had taken a nurse hostage to make his "escape." My wife was called to one nursing home where he was had the nurse in a chokehold in the parking lot, and my wife had to plead with the police, "Please don't shoot my father."
We eventually found a nursing home that could keep him in a medicated balance that was lucid yet non-violent until he eventually died.
OP, I feel so bad whenever you put all your family business on the street. These people are still living. Is it wise to say the guy is driving around with thousands in his glove box? Much less all the other nasty stuff (felonies etc.) you revealed. I feel like most of your posts are just an excuse to gossip about your family with an inane question at the end. For example, if you were really worried about this situation, you would've put it in the Caregiving forum, not here asking about other people's relationships with their grandchildren.
Last edited by Avalon08; 10-24-2021 at 10:43 PM..
Reason: added something
I took my parents out for dinner last night, and apparently grandfather has gone downhill significantly within the last few weeks.
He apparently has some compulsion to go around driving at night. His truck's brakes are shot, and my uncle said he's been riding around with thousands of dollars in his glovebox. He won't spend any money to do even something basic like brake repairs. Dad said he wrote a $7,000 check to the "FBI" recently. He's also been cited a couple of times for driving too slowly. He also got lost ten minutes away from home a week or so ago, and drove around for about three more hours before making it home.
There is no way that he needs to drive, but he's unwilling to give up the keys, and gets belligerent when anyone suggests that. They aren't safe living like this.
Aunt is taking him to the doctor and he's completely noncompliant with his medication regimen. We really have no idea if his recent downturn is caused by something medical that could be resolved, some unaddressed dementia, or what.
My dad and his siblings had a conference call Monday night about them. 4/5 were in favor of trying to get medical power of attorney or similar and putting him in the hospital - the doctor wants to run a battery of tests to see what is wrong, given the rapid decline. There is no way my grandmother can live by herself.
Right now, he's a danger to himself and others on the roadways. I wouldn't be surprised if they both end up in a nursing home or even die soon. They're going downhill quickly.
If it were me, I'd remove an essential part of the engine, or ignition, so the car won't start. He won't want to spend the money to have it repaired, and TA-DA, no more grandpa driving.
I see my local two grandkids every week. I attend soccer games, scout events, school plays, etc. I babysit and have both spend the night several time a year. These activities will change as they get older - I do not take it personally. When my two fully grown grandkids were young, I moved to their state and did the same activities with that set....school, band, scouts, shopping, etc. When they became teenagers, I moved. They still fly in to spend a few days a year with me. My third set of grandkids I see about twice a year (1,500 miles away). But I do facetime with them. They are now teenagers and I do not expect a relationship until each turns 18....just the nature of young ones. I am enjoying being a grandparent but I also enjoy my senior friends...sharing lunches and day trips with adult conversation. All is good.
I think this is a really good approach. You are right that the relationship changes as the kids get older. When they are little, they need adult supervision all of the time and even as they get a little older they depend on adults to shuttle them around and take them places. Once they start driving and working themselves, they depend less on adults and become more self reliant, very busy with work/school/activities and they are spending more time with their friends, as it should be.
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