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That VA thing (I'm assuming you're referring to Aid & Attendance benefit) is most assuredly not a piece of cake. I was able to get it for my mother, but it took many months of work.
My parents were married in England during World War II (my dad was an American GI), so I had to get in touch with the authorities in the town where they were married in order to get a copy of their marriage certificate, which cost me 9 British pounds. I also had to locate my dad's service record, which took more time.
At first the application was denied, so I went to talk to a person who serves as liaison for applicants for A&A benefits, and he was eventually able to resolve the red tape bottleneck. My mother was finally approved, and she received A&A benefits for about five years until her death.
As I understand it, A&A benefits are for the purpose of paying for medical expenses, which can include medical assistance you get in your ALF. If you are going into an ALF but not for medical assistance, I'm not sure that you can qualify for A&A.
OP, I think the person you spoke with at the ALF was giving you a hard sell. When you say your journey is at an end, if you mean you're no longer considering that ALF, I think that's a smart move.
I will say though that she is probably correct in stating that it’s easier to get the benefits once you’re already in a facility. When I applied for Medicaid from my mother, it took about 7 months. But if someone is already in a home and out of money the wheels move faster.
Admissions directors however, work on commission, so there’s going to be a hard sell in any assisted living facility.
Everyone, especially ocnjgirl, thanks so much for your lists. As a fairly recent widow, I look into CCRCs, independent living, and ALFs as a solution to loneliness and my cluelessness about some household maintenance. But at 68, I am too healthy, quirky, and introverted to enjoy one of these places. I think I would actually be more lonely since I don’t enjoy the 3 B’s that are so prevalent there…bingo, Bible study, and bragging about grandkids. Would hate to downsize. I actually upsized into my current condo..always lived in 100 sf, so 1700 with a garage feels like a palace.
My experience with an ALF was my 93 yo father 20 years ago. At first it was working out. Then he got just a little needier, going to the nurses station at night, saying he was legally blind and needed help…not sure with what. They quickly required us to get 24/7 private duty care. He died a few months later of kidney failure. Being required to hire and pay for a full time aide negated the purpise of an ALF, but at that point we hated to move him to a regular apartment with the aide and knew he didn’t have that much longer.
Everyone, especially ocnjgirl, thanks so much for your lists. As a fairly recent widow, I look into CCRCs, independent living, and ALFs as a solution to loneliness and my cluelessness about some household maintenance. But at 68, I am too healthy, quirky, and introverted to enjoy one of these places. I think I would actually be more lonely since I don’t enjoy the 3 B’s that are so prevalent there…bingo, Bible study, and bragging about grandkids. Would hate to downsize. I actually upsized into my current condo..always lived in 100 sf, so 1700 with a garage feels like a palace.
My experience with an ALF was my 93 yo father 20 years ago. At first it was working out. Then he got just a little needier, going to the nurses station at night, saying he was legally blind and needed help…not sure with what. They quickly required us to get 24/7 private duty care. He died a few months later of kidney failure. Being required to hire and pay for a full time aide negated the purpise of an ALF, but at that point we hated to move him to a regular apartment with the aide and knew he didn’t have that much longer.
Over the years the standards have been lowered quite a bit regarding what level of independence is required to be in ALF. At the one I worked at years ago, even walkers were rare in the dining room. By 2010 or so, we had people in wheelchairs. What happened with your dad probably wouldn’t happen today in most facilities.
My mom was like you, an introvert. The only thing she ever went to was exercise class. She did though make a best friend (mom was a one friend kind of person). They used to go to each other’s apartment and watch movies. Unfortunately her friend was older than my mom, and died within a couple of years.
There’s no rush though, you can wait till you feel you need it. There are also senior apartments that have amenities such as transportation.
superk, I have no money or assets anymore either. If something goes wrong, like the government shutting down again, I am screeeeewed. Next step would be troll under the bridge for me.
Does Dad get SS? Is he a VET? I applied yesterday to the VA because Vets and their widow(er)s are entitled to $1200 a month. You can spend the money on anything I was told. Maybe you could find him a home. You can do an online search for ALFs. They usually have prices, care, floor plans on their websites.
Good luck. I hope you don't have to go the caregiver route again.
Hi Tami, sorry to hear you need an ALF but I totally understand. My Mom went in one here in FL after she kept falling. She wasn't thrilled but it turned out she liked it, and ate MUCH BETTER than when she was living on her own. (And the food was actually really good.)
Just to clarify about the VA Aid & Attendance benefit, it's for veterans who have served during a defined wartime period (and their spouses). Also, apparently you have to have been married to the qualifying veteran for ten years, which I found out when my mother was turned down for the benefit.....AFTER she had applied and been accepted into the ALF based on anticipating that income. (The VA guy who took the application had said he didn't know of any certain length of marriage requirement -- well, he should have!) By the time she was turned down six months later, she had died. The ALF administrator tried to get ME to pay the money, which of course I was not responsible for. Anyway, just wanted to clarify the VA benefit case anyone else might be looking into it.
Also, is the State of Florida still offering the supplemental assistance? I forget what it was called but it was like $1000/mo. at the time, for low-income seniors. I think it was cheaper for FL to pay this ALF stipend than to pay for the resident in a nursing home.
Yes, WellShone, I mean I am no longer considering that ALF.
ocnj, just last night I was thinking the administrator reminded me of a car salesman and now you say they work on commissions??? Idk that!
I think I will look around on the internet more while I do this paperwork and get more stuff.
Thanks, guys, I sure know a lot more than I did 2 weeks ago!!!
No I misunderstood perhaps. The Administrator isn’t commission, they’re like the general manager. The Admissions Director, who meet with prospective clients most normally, have commission based pay. Fill apartments, thats their job. They are under a lot of pressure from corporate overlords to fill apartments, period.
When I worked in the ALF with attached SNF I mentioned earlier, the PT and I went up to see a new resident whose son had just moved into the ALF because nursing asked us to. The woman was so frail she couldn’t even stand up from the chair she was in! She was in no way ALF appropriate, and she was sent to the SNF part the same day. The Admissions director went by the son’s assurances that his mom (who was 2 hours away then) was independent. He said she walked around Manhattan every day, which clearly was not the case for a long time.
The slower sales got, the more inappropriate people moved in. People for some reason assume healthcare is different than other businesses, but they are the same as any other business, they have a product to sell and shareholders to answer to. And just like I’m any sales, you really have to be aggressive to succeed.
Hi Tami, sorry to hear you need an ALF but I totally understand. My Mom went in one here in FL after she kept falling. She wasn't thrilled but it turned out she liked it, and ate MUCH BETTER than when she was living on her own. (And the food was actually really good.)
Just to clarify about the VA Aid & Attendance benefit, it's for veterans who have served during a defined wartime period (and their spouses). Also, apparently you have to have been married to the qualifying veteran for ten years, which I found out when my mother was turned down for the benefit.....AFTER she had applied and been accepted into the ALF based on anticipating that income. (The VA guy who took the application had said he didn't know of any certain length of marriage requirement -- well, he should have!) By the time she was turned down six months later, she had died. The ALF administrator tried to get ME to pay the money, which of course I was not responsible for. Anyway, just wanted to clarify the VA benefit case anyone else might be looking into it.
Also, is the State of Florida still offering the supplemental assistance? I forget what it was called but it was like $1000/mo. at the time, for low-income seniors. I think it was cheaper for FL to pay this ALF stipend than to pay for the resident in a nursing home.
The VA info is very helpful, thanks (my honey was a Marine).
I find it sad that some people don’t realize that services that help seniors find independent or assisted living places work on commission. There is a service called A Place for Mom. It is free to use. But they only recommend places that will pay them a commission when someone is referred/moves in, so a place that doesn’t will never be recommended. And then they may recommend the one that pays the highest commission. So nit entirely trustworthy/objective.
The cost of this care is double/triple the cost of assisted-living.
Be advised that many things are "ala-carte" and cost add'l. Things like "dispensing" meds, comes to mind. (This service is $900 per month, where I just retired from.) This does NOT include the cost of the prescripts. Only the administration of meds.
The cost of memory-care was $7500-$11,000 per month, depending upon how much care is required.
Assisted living is about half that. Just so you know...
Each place is different. My MIL's place had mandatory medication management, and it was included in the very reasonable monthly rates (<$3800/month if I recall). In fact I can't think of much that was "a la carte" at her AL facility. ALFs in many areas of the country are less $$ than people think. We were very glad because medication management was one of the main reasons she needed to be there. She was taking random supplements and her prescriptions, sometimes contraindicated, at any time she pleased because she had no memory of having taken it earlier. She was mid-stage dementia, but still could perform all her ADLs except meds, cooking, shopping, driving, and financials. We had to move her from IL to AL in a not-so-voluntary way after she accidentally finished a month's worth of post-op painkillers in 5 days.
Last edited by TheShadow; 01-31-2022 at 08:35 AM..
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Idk that! 
