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After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, “Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep with a hot 23-year-old girl every night.
Now, I have a $500,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 69-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things.”
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.
Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems.”
I did a good deed yesterday for an elderly woman. While doing some grocery shopping, at the checkout line, I was behind an elderly woman. Her bill came to $156.83, but when she counted out all of her money she only had just under $125. I suspected she might be someone’s grandmother and I’d like to think someone would have helped my own grandmother, God rest her soul, if the situation had been reversed. She didn’t want me to help her out but I insisted, and in no time at all we had her excess items back on the shelves.
If your pee attracts ants, you have diabetes
If it dries fast, your sodium is high
If it smells like meat, your cholesterol is high
If you forgot to unzip, you have Alzheimer's
If you missed the tree, Parkinson's
If you peed on your shoes, enlarged prostate
If you can't smell it, Covid.
In 20 years, when kids ask about the Great Toilet Paper Shortage of 2020:
I'm going to tell them we had to drag our butts across the lawn.
In the snow.
Uphill.
Both ways.
This is not a joke, but tells something about my thinking about the future: in Dec 2023, I still have one and a half large package (24 rolls per package) of toilet paper from stocking on toilet paper (due to impending shortage of it) in March 2020... Maybe I actually single-handedly caused the shortage??
Location: Was Midvalley Oregon; Now Eastside Seattle area
13,080 posts, read 7,527,706 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elnrgby
This is not a joke, but tells something about my thinking about the future: in Dec 2023, I still have one and a half large package (24 rolls per package) of toilet paper from stocking on toilet paper (due to impending shortage of it) in March 2020... Maybe I actually single-handedly caused the shortage??
Well, that would still be much better than the hands of a nursing home staff... I really, really do hope they start designing personal-care robots soon! This was advertised 11 years ago; I guess it hasn't found a mainstream market, plus it still requires being able to walk to the contraption and sit on it:
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Maybe I actually single-handedly caused the shortage??