Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Late 50s. I'm 11 or 12 years old. My mother occasionally sends me across the street to the Mom and Pop grocery to get her a pack of cigarettes. Cigarettes cost 24 cents a pack.
My mother regularly shopped there. The grocer wrote down the items and prices on the paper bag and recorded the total in his book. My father settled up on payday.
I went to the movies on Saturday. 25 cents covered admission, a soda, and candy. Saw two movies, a cartoon, a newsreel, and an episode of a serial.
Late 50s. I'm 11 or 12 years old. My mother occasionally sends me across the street to the Mom and Pop grocery to get her a pack of cigarettes. Cigarettes cost 24 cents a pack.
My mother regularly shopped there. The grocer wrote down the items and prices on the paper bag and recorded the total in his book. My father settled up on payday.
I went to the movies on Saturday. 25 cents covered admission, a soda, and candy. Saw two movies, a cartoon, a newsreel, and an episode of a serial.
Mom used send me to the corner store to buy cigarettes for my dad when I was a little kid.
The Internal Revenue Service decided to audit Cyril. They summoned him to their office for an appointment with their most thorough auditor, who is not surprised when Cyril arrives with his accountant.
The auditor says: "Sir, you cannot deny that you have an extravagant lifestyle, no full-time employment, and pay no taxes on the grounds of your contention that you win money gambling. I have to tell you that the Internal Revenue Service finds that explanation difficult to believe."
"I am a great gambler and can prove it," says Cyril. "Would you like a demonstration?"
The auditor considers this for a moment and agrees. Cyril says: "I bet you a thousand dollars I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks for a while, finally says: 'It's a bet.'
Cyril removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor looks sick.
"I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye," says Cyril. The auditor can tell Cyril isn't blind, so he accepts the bet. Cyril removes his false teeth and bites the good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has bet and lost $3,000, with Cyril's accountant as a witness. He gets very nervous.
"Double or nothing?" Cyril asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on the right hand side of your desk and pee into the bin on the far side without getting one drop anywhere between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now but examines the proposal carefully. Cyril is not a tall man, the desk is eight foot wide; he decides there is simply no way Cyril could do that, so he agrees again. Cyril stands at the side of the desk, unzips his pants, strains for all he is worth but cannot make the stream reach the bin on the far side, and finishes up having urinated pretty well all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a sizeable win, then notices that Cyril's accountant is moaning, with his head in his hands.
Speaking to the accountant, the auditor asks, "Are you okay?"
"Not really," says the accountant. "This morning, when Cyril told me he had been summoned to this audit, he bet me $20,000 that he could come in here, pee all over your desk and you would be happy about it . . . and I took the bet."
Parents sent me to our local Mom & Pop store, cigarettes and beer. I was very young, no age to buy those things. 3 bottles of Congress (I think) for 99 cents.
A town in Russia had only one cow and it stopped giving milk. The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could get a cow from Moscow for 2000 rubles - or one from Minsk for only 1000 rubles. So, naturally, --- they bought the cow from Minsk.
It was a great cow: had a wonderful disposition, and gave lots of milk and lots of cream. Everybody loved it dearly. The people decided they would mate the cow and get more cows like it, and then they would never have to worry about their milk supply again.
So they got a bull and led the cow and the bull into the pasture. When the bull came in from the right to mount the cow, the cow moved to the left. When the bull moved in to mount the cow from the left, the cow moved to the right. This went on all day.
Finally, in desperation, the people decided to go ask the rabbi what to do. After all he was very wise.
They told him the story. "Rabbi, we’ve tried all day to mate our cow. When the bull moves in from the right the cow moves left and when the bull moves in from the left the cow moves to the right. What do we do?"
The Rabbi thought a moment and asked, "Did you buy this cow from Minsk?"
"Rabbi!" they replied as one, "You are so wise! We never said we bought the cow from Minsk. How did you know that?"
Waiter walked up to the man still sitting at the table and said, "Sir, I just saw your wife going to the restroom and she didn't look well. Did the food disagree with her?"
The man looked up at the waiter and said, "It wouldn't dare!"
Couple were going to town on their horse and buggy when the horse just stopped in the middle of the road. The man said, "That's one!". He got down and fought with the horse until he started going again. They made it just a little further down the road when the horse stopped again. "That's two!" After another little battle, they were going again. Not long after that, the horse stopped again. The man said "That's three!" Then he got off the buggy, took his rifle and shot the horse. His wife hadn't said anything the other two stops but now she was furious! "WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR? That was our only horse! What are we going to do now? That was the stupidest thing you've EVER done!" The man kept a good grip on his rifle, looked up and said "That's one!"
A jetliner was crossing the ocean when it had a terrible mechanical malfunction.
The pilot got on the intercom and told the passengers the plane could not make it back to land; they would crash into the ocean and all would die.
At the back of the plane, a teenage girl stood up and exclaimed, "I'm only a teenager, and I'm not yet a woman. Is there a man on this flight who can make me a real woman before I die?"
A handsome young man towards the front of the plane stood up and said, "I'll make you a real woman before the plane goes down and we die."
The teenage girl walks to the front of the plane and says, "Kind sir, you'll make me a real woman?"
"Yes," said the handsome young man.
He took of his shirt, showing sculpted abs and muscles. She felt somewhat faint as she ran her hand over his chest.
He gently removed the girl's hand from his chest, and wrapped her hand around his shirt and said, "Here. Iron this."
At the Active 55+ Community, the men-folk regularly held an afternoon seminar on Improving Sexual Relations, with an invited guest speaker. On one occasion the guest speaker said to the elderly men assembled in the room, "I'm going to ask you gentlemen how often do you have Sexual Relations, and I want you all to answer honestly. So, how many of you have Sexual Relations once a week?"
About half of the men in the room raise their hands.
"How many of you have Sexual Relations once a month?"
Most of the other half of the men raise their hand.
Now, how many of you men have Sex once a year?"
An elderly man in the back of the room starts waving his hands in the air, jumping around wildly, and shouting, "I do."
"Well, that's very good, Sir.......but why are you so excited about Sex once a year," asked the Speaker.
"Tonight's the night !!"
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
