Take Care In Picking That Retirement Area (friends, years, troubles)
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IMHO they should, but "will they" is quite another question. Also, what will happen to all the DINKS who have no children? I see real sadness in the future.
i personally don't see adult children as a guarantee of much for elderly parents, nor do i really think that should be an expectation on the part of parents. most seniors i know,especialy those who are in their mid to late seventies, are making/have made plans for themselves. these plans may be a ccrc, a high-end condo located close to stores, medical care etc. with many amenities enabling independence as part of the condo package, an apartment in developments that cater to a large senior population with amenities available/nearby, to name a few. most who have children are not counting on them as a bottom line as they age. i have no children or that matter relatives, and long ago, realized i needed to make my own plans. i do have a "surrogate" child ( long story ) living in florida, who has been very financially successful and i feel would assist me if i needed it, but i do not want nor plan on her doing so. the significant other in my life would also do the same, but there is no guarantee he would outlive me, and ,again, i would choose to take care of myself, if possible.
i worked for many years as a social worker with the elderly and their children, and although there were some children who truly wanted to be a support to parents, many did so with resentment. the degree of obligation and certainly desire to provide support is related to the nature of the relationship.
i expect to stay living where i am, in my own home, until my mid to late seventies, at which time i will probably go into an independent ( hopefully ) ccrc, before i actually get to the place where i need care. i have checked out several in locations that are feasible for me. i think anyone, those with children or not, if they are financially able, need to make a plan for themselves where care would be available as they age. if children become a part of that plan or want to become more involved, that's another option, but i don't think adult children should be the only plan.
Saw this brief article that says when you consider relocation in retirement, you also need to consider the cost of nursing homes/long term care in the area, should you need it down the road. All locations are not equal.
Take care in picking that retirement area | Business | Star-Telegram.com (http://www.star-telegram.com/business/story/1418051.html - broken link)
Yet another reason why we will not only cash out and downsize, but also, will leave the hyperinflated Bay Area. Here, you'll burn your larder right quick paying for help. Labor costs are through the roof here.
But will today's young families step up to the plate in terms of parental care? And should they?
How can they when they never reached what people 30 years ago would have considered stable adulthood.
I've heard the saying 50 is the new 30. The intended connotation is extended vigor and vitality. But there is another connotation. It now takes someone longer to reach stability. What people once achieved at 30 they now cannot reach until 50 (or later! if ever!). And then when they reach it, they are battered and burned out.
Unless they are a superstar or have inherited wealth, the average person born after 1960 is facing this.
IMHO they should, but "will they" is quite another question. Also, what will happen to all the DINKS who have no children? I see real sadness in the future.
No matter how good a relationship we have with our children, in most cases I don't think we can count on a lot of help, since most families today have both husband and wife working. In many cases, both those incomes are needed.
My mother had a stroke in her mid 60's and they lived 5 hours away. While she retained her mental capacity, she was in a wheelchair (total paralysis of 1 arm and leg). My father was determined to keep her home, and managed for 2-1/2 years until her death. At that time I worked as well as having 2 fairly young children. I was in no position then to quit my job. My sister and I both tried to go up for long weekends as often as we could to relieve my father, who was increasingly exhausted. He did have part time help, but it really wasn't enough. I loved my mother dearly, but there is no way I could have taken over her care, nor would I expect my children to take over mine, if it came to that. I would hope that they would be involved in some limited way, but it would be impossible to expect them to quit their jobs to take care of me.
But will today's young families step up to the plate in terms of parental care? And should they?
While we've joked about becoming a burden on our children and they've joked back that they'll immediately put us in a nursing facility, the truth of the matter is that they would feel the responsibility for our care. We really don't want to be a burden on them either. While it's not a major factor in where we live if we move, we'll likely be living in a state where assisted suicide is legal for terminal cases. We'll be getting LTC insurance, more to ease the burden on each spouse, but also to ease any burden they might feel.
While we've joked about becoming a burden on our children and they've joked back that they'll immediately put us in a nursing facility, the truth of the matter is that they would feel the responsibility for our care. We really don't want to be a burden on them either. While it's not a major factor in where we live if we move, we'll likely be living in a state where assisted suicide is legal for terminal cases. We'll be getting LTC insurance, more to ease the burden on each spouse, but also to ease any burden they might feel.
If we didn't get LTC insurance when we were in our 20s and 30s, it's going to cost beyond an arm and a leg now. With very limited stays.
In a way I'm glad I don't have it. I'll be more inclined to be like my mom, fighting off social workers, medical care, daughters, and sons-in-law from my homestead when I'm 90. Thank goodness for the gun laws in Mass.
If we didn't get LTC insurance when we were in our 20s and 30s, it's going to cost beyond an arm and a leg now. With very limited stays.
In a way I'm glad I don't have it. I'll be more inclined to be like my mom, fighting off social workers, medical care, daughters, and sons-in-law from my homestead when I'm 90. Thank goodness for the gun laws in Mass.
We have access to a group policy through our retirement benefits. I've been watching the premiums for several years and they have not changed so far. I consider the cost a fair exchange, so if either of us ends up in a facility, the other won't suffer financially from it. I don't think we have to worry about our current homestead as most of them will likely live in another state.
If we didn't get LTC insurance when we were in our 20s and 30s, it's going to cost beyond an arm and a leg now. With very limited stays.
In a way I'm glad I don't have it. I'll be more inclined to be like my mom, fighting off social workers, medical care, daughters, and sons-in-law from my homestead when I'm 90. Thank goodness for the gun laws in Mass.
It's a good point that LTC insurance needs to be evaluated carefully and consider the premiums paid for the returns later. I think I read somewhere that average nursing home stays are 3 months. The insurance companies would like us to think that average stays are longer, so they can sell policies, but a careful assessment of one's own resources, health, family status, etc, comes into play in making the decision about spending money year after year for LTC coverage. When I was working, the best policy the employer offered paid $100/day, which is zilch in terms of overall costs. A lot of people don't realize that Medicare doesn't cover LTC. Medicaid only kicks in once you have depleted your savings and laws changed recently so the elderly can't "give" their savings to relatives in order to qualify for Medicaid within a certain number of years of entering a LTC facility. It gets more complicated all the time!
There are many of us who are not an "us", remember, and many of us (and "us") who don't have children or have one or two who might be anywhere making their lives. I don't think families will have to "pull together" as they supposedly used to, especially if there isn't family to do so.
Remember, people used to have a heart attack or stroke and die relatively quickly. They didn't live into increasingly impaired old age for decades along with frequent dementia.
I personally intend to have enough money for a continuing care life if need be and expect to self-deliver (suicide) if I don't care for my level of life. I don't expect that to be an answer for everyone! but it's my plan.
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