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Old 11-21-2009, 08:06 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,701 posts, read 74,709,789 times
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almost none--- the stats say 1 in 3 says well ok honey ill talk to your dad, its not easy being 30 and having 3 kids to raise without a daddy, dont worry we can all live together somehow and its only for a few months, papa can sleep in the den.
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Old 11-21-2009, 08:25 PM
 
Location: SoCal desert
8,093 posts, read 13,251,822 times
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Please take it to the political forum.
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Old 11-21-2009, 11:44 PM
 
Location: Portlandia "burbs"
10,234 posts, read 14,004,526 times
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Y'know, I have seen and heard so much of this crap in families that I really do feel that the kids should NOT be made aware of any money to be had. For example, I've known several widows and widowers whose self-absorbed children had the idea that their existing parents should NOT move on and re-marry if the opportunity came. It infuriates the hell out of me. And I think it's because they're already seeing money going into someone's hands.

When a person happily remarries, I still think that some of the inheritance should go to the children. But when the kids behave like turds. . . Nope! May as well leave it to the deserving spouse.
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Old 11-21-2009, 11:49 PM
 
26,591 posts, read 52,392,336 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluesbabe View Post
Y'know, I have seen and heard so much of this crap in families that I really do feel that the kids should NOT be made aware of any money to be had. For example, I've known several widows and widowers whose self-absorbed children had the idea that their existing parents should NOT move on and re-marry if the opportunity came. It infuriates the hell out of me. And I think it's because they're already seeing money going into someone's hands.

When a person happily remarries, I still think that some of the inheritance should go to the children. But when the kids behave like turds. . . Nope! May as well leave it to the deserving spouse.
I agree but have not seen it...

Either the parents don't have all that much after paying for medical bills or the ones that do have a lot already have everything all set with trusts and pour-over wills and such...

There are lots of kids that only want for their parents to be happy too.
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Old 11-22-2009, 11:04 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
4,486 posts, read 15,297,519 times
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Quote:
There are lots of kids that only want for their parents to be happy too.
As one of those children who wants their parents to be happy, +1 for you!

I think the percentage of kids that wish their parents to be ultra frugal so that they can inherit money is a small percentage compared to us who want their parents to enjoy their hard earned money.

My parents are going on a 100 and some day world cruise for their anniversary next year and I'm happy for them! Enjoy life!
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Old 11-22-2009, 02:31 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,485 posts, read 43,853,288 times
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Adult children should be able to see and help their aging parents and their financial business-not because they think they are going to get some inheritance- but because if dementia has set in and the aging parents end up broke before they die, then the grown children will end up being responsible for parents care and bills. If I had not had power of attorney for my mother and had not been involved in her financial life, she would not have been able to afford the expensive assisted living for the last 8 years of her life and DH and I would have to pay for all her care.

I never expected an inheritance but I knew when the money was gone my brother sure would not have helped and DH and I still have young children to educate.

So definitely grown children need to be aware of what is happening. Dementia is not always so obvious and it certainly doesn't happen over night. What I thought at the time was meanness and pettyness in her old age, in retroscept turned out to be dementia and I'm very glad I was involved in her life. Brother tried to bleed her dry even tho he and his 3rd wife knew she was not well. He never lifted a finger to care for her until he(they) saw how vulnerable she was and what easy prey she was.
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Old 11-22-2009, 02:45 PM
 
26,591 posts, read 52,392,336 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
Adult children should be able to see and help their aging parents and their financial business-not because they think they are going to get some inheritance- but because if dementia has set in and the aging parents end up broke before they die, then the grown children will end up being responsible for parents care and bills. If I had not had power of attorney for my mother and had not been involved in her financial life, she would not have been able to afford the expensive assisted living for the last 8 years of her life and DH and I would have to pay for all her care.

I never expected an inheritance but I knew when the money was gone my brother sure would not have helped and DH and I still have young children to educate.

So definitely grown children need to be aware of what is happening. Dementia is not always so obvious and it certainly doesn't happen over night. What I thought at the time was meanness and pettyness in her old age, in retroscept turned out to be dementia and I'm very glad I was involved in her life. Brother tried to bleed her dry even tho he and his 3rd wife knew she was not well. He never lifted a finger to care for her until he(they) saw how vulnerable she was and what easy prey she was.
Why would you be held anymore responsible than your brother... is he incapacitated?
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Old 11-22-2009, 03:29 PM
 
4,101 posts, read 6,428,783 times
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I think America is the only country where parents are look at as either cash cows or burdens. Most societies respect and care for their seniors and children respect their parents. In America it is more ...giveme, giveme, giveme...until you have nothing left. I hear about and see this constantly with only few exceptions. Parents who give up a life long home to relocate near their children and then the children move again. Children using their parents as day care centers. I know people whose children want them to spent their life savings on them now. Another wanted his mother to get a reverse mortgage so he could take a trip to Europe. Then there are those children who parents see about once a decade until the parent is on his death bed and then they gather around to pick the bones. The worst case I know of is a man who has a home that was divided into three apartments. Over the years his daughter moved in and then his son. At first they paid the rent that he was getting before but as time past both children paid him nothing. He owns the house but pays $8k in taxes, $2k water/sewer, $2k heat and he is on SS no pension. This is bad enough but to top it off they do as little as possible to help around the house. They keep pressuring their father to sign the house over to them. I am certain that if he did sign the house over he would find himself on the street and he is a very ill person. I do know one senior whose daughter is an angel. She balances a demanding job while caring or finding care for her mother.
IMO, if you have a healthy child who can care for him or herself plan on spending every dime on yourself. If you children are undeserving there are many charities that could use your help. Try to enjoy everyday, times short.
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Old 11-22-2009, 10:59 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,181 posts, read 8,709,782 times
Reputation: 6214
Smile If they remarry....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ultrarunner View Post
I agree but have not seen it...

Either the parents don't have all that much after paying for medical bills or the ones that do have a lot already have everything all set with trusts and pour-over wills and such...

There are lots of kids that only want for their parents to be happy too.
My FIL is now 87 and we would be fine if he remarried but not to a woman 45 years younger who doesn't really "know" him. (She went through his mail and even though he's not rich, it's more than she has, so she became his "new love").

That is not love. That is a golddigger. My sweet MIL would be turning over in her grave.

We are, just tonight, starting to see signs of dementia. We will take steps now. We've been through this twice before. We know.

My husband and I worry way more about his dad than we ever worried about our own children. We are afraid he will fall, etc.
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Old 11-22-2009, 11:14 PM
 
365 posts, read 923,414 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thrillobyte View Post
"To heck with leaving my kids an inheritance. I never hear from them, except when they need money. I'm going to enjoy my money now and if there's anything left over after my wife (husband) and I kick the bucket, well that their good fortune, but I'm certainly not going to sacrifice our lifestyle for them."
it used to be that parents left their homes and savings to their 'heirs'. but not as many parents 'own' anything to leave. not only that, but many families expand several states and continents. nothing to leave if there is nothing to give. that said, i would love to leave something for our kids and grandkids but the best thing we can leave them is a sense of stability and knowing we helped our children stand on their own two feet.
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