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Dad has macular degeneration and told us he could still drive, as long as they were all right turns! LOL
He was giving us his car as a gift, but we lived out of the state. Needless to say, we made a unscheduled trip to pick up the car, in reality, to stop him from driving!
This issue can really be a slippery slope because it's not so much the loss of a means of transportation. It's a loss of freedom and mobility.
That being said, my wife and I, 61 and 63 respectively and both retired, recently bought our retirement home on the shore of a large lake. The area is gorgeous with nature abounding. It's also relatively isolated being 18 miles from grocery shopping 23 miles from a small city and 25 miles from any major shopping.
We both acknowledge that the day will come when we can no longer safely drive and when that day arrives, we will have to sell our home and move, either to an in-town condo or a senior residential community, perhaps with an option for assisted living. I think both of us are savvy enough to know the inevitable when it arrives and not push back against it.
In the meantime, we'll continue to enjoy where we are even if our days here are limited.
My dad was a retired Los Angeles policeman and talk about stubborn. He never was the greatest of drivers but after riding with him to the store and going over too many sidewalks, we knew it was getting close. The hardest thing was taking his gun away from him which was always hanging out of the back of his droopy trousers. Once it fell out and hit the floor at the Alberson's and scared the poor cashier half to death. It is such a sad thing to take away the last few luxuries they have.
We worried a great deal about my Dad and his driving for a long time before he really started going downhill physically. Although in fairly good physical shape for his age (87 at the time), he was becoming very forgetful and confused about things, and we suspected dementia but he refused to see a doctor about it. He also flat out refused to allow any of my siblings or I to drive him anywhere.
I remember once we were all going to my sister's house in the Washington DC area as a cousin from out-of-state that we hadn't seen in years was in town. I begged my father to let me pick him up, and at first he agreed, but that morning he called me and said he had changed his mind and was going to drive himself. He then spent the next 15 minutes telling me in great detail how to get there (even though I assured him that I already knew). It was about an 85 mile drive one way. When I got there, he hadn't yet arrived even though he had left home about an hour before I did. We all waited, getting more nervous by the minute, but a little hesitant to call because we were worried about him talking on his cell phone while driving. Finally, we did call, and he was lost somewhere in downtown DC, and was trying to give us roadmarks to help us identify where he was. He finally found his way, but it was very worrisome.
Even after this incident he continued to drive - often driving over 800 miles to visit his sister in Jacksonville, Florida (he lived in Maryland).
Months later he fell at home, and luckily his neighbors found him and called an ambulance. He spent the next 4 months in and out of the hospital and rehab, and meanwhile we moved him into an assisted living facility. He passed away without ever really living there - I think all told he may have spent a week or two there before being readmitted to the hospital. During all of this time, we told him that the doctor had said he couldn't drive until he got better, and he seemed to accept this. But one of the very last things he ever said was when one of his doctors was examining him and recommending a course of treatment, and he asked my Dad whether he had any questions. Dad only had one..."Doc, when can I drive again?"
An elderly person driving a car when they should not be is a killer with a 6,000 lb. loaded gun!
In reality do what it takes to get your older infirm loved ones out of the drivers seat before they hurt , or worse yet, kill another person due to their infirmity. If it were me ask the state to pull their drivers license due to their infirmity or present a doctors certification that they are still able to drive.
If you love your dad at all it's time for some hard ball tough love here.
An elderly person driving a car when they should not be is a killer with a 6,000 lb. loaded gun!
In reality do what it takes to get your older infirm loved ones out of the drivers seat before they hurt , or worse yet, kill another person due to their infirmity. If it were me ask the state to pull their drivers license due to their infirmity or present a doctors certification that they are still able to drive.
If you love your dad at all it's time for some hard ball tough love here.
You are right, of course. But when you are dealing with someone as stubborn as my father, it can be really difficult. His doctor, who saw him every couple of months or so, seemed to think he was doing well, and didn't really want to get involved. She told us that if we thought he shouldn't be driving it was our responsibility to deal with it. And he would not agree to see any other doctor. As far as my father was concerned he was always the adult and we were the children. He loved us dearly, but he never put a lot of weight in our opinions (maybe that stemmed from all of those arguments he and I had over Richard Nixon back in 1972 ).
Maybe there should be a more stringent process for older drivers to renew their licenses. I don't know what the answer is. I just hope that when the time comes I recognize when I've gotten to that point. And I am extremely grateful that he never became involved in an accident.
The hardest thing was taking his gun away from him which was always hanging out of the back of his droopy trousers. Once it fell out and hit the floor at the Alberson's and scared the poor cashier half to death. It is such a sad thing to take away the last few luxuries they have.
I'm also a former cop and rarely pack but I would hope I'll have enough cognition to know when it's time to not do so at all. Thankfully, where we live it's just not necessary.
You are right, of course. But when you are dealing with someone as stubborn as my father, it can be really difficult. His doctor, who saw him every couple of months or so, seemed to think he was doing well, and didn't really want to get involved. She told us that if we thought he shouldn't be driving it was our responsibility to deal with it. And he would not agree to see any other doctor. As far as my father was concerned he was always the adult and we were the children. He loved us dearly, but he never put a lot of weight in our opinions (maybe that stemmed from all of those arguments he and I had over Richard Nixon back in 1972 ).
Maybe there should be a more stringent process for older drivers to renew their licenses. I don't know what the answer is. I just hope that when the time comes I recognize when I've gotten to that point. And I am extremely grateful that he never became involved in an accident.
It's time to kick dad's doctor to the curb 'cause she's dumping her responsibility on you & family at what could be your dads life or someone else's life. Call the state and ask what recourse you have to get dad off the road.
This is a tough call but like I said if you love your dad at all get tough and get him off the road. To not make this call to the state will heap guilt on you forever should something bad happen that you could have prevented.
Get hard ball tough just because you do love your dad.
If you are the one to take a parents car or keys away, be prepared for their wrath. My mother who had dementia accused me of stealing her car, killing her cats ( had to find new homes for them cause she wasn't taking care of them) and actually stealing her life cause I had to put her in assisted living. She lived with me and my family for 10 years and almost ruined my marriage so after 10 years I just had to be firm.
She made my life a living hell but I had to keep telling myself it was her dementia. Still it was hard.
If you are the one to take a parents car or keys away, be prepared for their wrath. My mother who had dementia accused me of stealing her car, killing her cats ( had to find new homes for them cause she wasn't taking care of them) and actually stealing her life cause I had to put her in assisted living. She lived with me and my family for 10 years and almost ruined my marriage so after 10 years I just had to be firm.
She made my life a living hell but I had to keep telling myself it was her dementia. Still it was hard.
You deserve a medal!
Thankfully, my wife and I agreed that her mother could never live with us (my parents were long deceased) because she was hateful and divisive. She didn't have dementia. She was just mean!
My wife's father had 2 accidents in his mid 80's, neither serious. We knew he was having trouble with his eyesite and insisted he have his eye's checked. Optometrist found he had macular degeneration and told him he could not drive. It took us another year to finally get him out of the car. He eventually realized we had done the right thing, and was even generous enough to give his car to our kids (well, he gave it to us for the kids to use). I think we all felt much better with him off the streets.
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