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Two women, you're making it seem like a harem. lol, far from it. Two different relationships, both did not work out, it takes two to tango Mr. Jesus. I don't want to make an attempt because the attempt was made long ago and it did not work out, now that my son is much older I would not want to put him through us going through the rigor once again to try to see if we can see eye to eye and make things work.
As far as the distance goes, what of it? I guess you think some fathers who are successful at being fathers are all within 2ft of their children? If you do, you need to get out more.
So you think you're going to have an easier time being a good dad from 2,000 miles away than you would being just a ten minute drive away?
You can try to rationalize it anyway you want, the simple fact is that it is difficult to have a stable relationship (let alone any relationship) with people who you rarely see. If somebody is 2,000 miles away you will rarely see them, thus limiting meaningful interactions. This is the truth, whether you like it or not.
I'm certainly not wishing you fail in your endeavor, yet you act as though I am doing so. I wish you success, but you're going to need a lot more than the wishes of strangers to succeed.
So you think you're going to have an easier time being a good dad from 2,000 miles away than you would being just a ten minute drive away?
You can try to rationalize it anyway you want, the simple fact is that it is difficult to have a stable relationship (let alone any relationship) with people who you rarely see. If somebody is 2,000 miles away you will rarely see them, thus limiting meaningful interactions. This is the truth, whether you like it or not.
I'm certainly not wishing you fail in your endeavor, yet you act as though I am doing so. I wish you success, but you're going to need a lot more than the wishes of strangers to succeed.
10 mins? My son is 8 hours away, as well as my daughter in both directions. Hardly 10 mins. That may be the truth FOR YOU, but despite my children being the distance they are now, I travel enough to see them and vice versa. My son is mine all summer, as well as my daughter, so again, I am not sure what you may be referring to, because if you want to see your children YOU WILL SEE your children.
You all act like it's impossible because of distance, if that's your case it's a very lame excuse.
10 mins? My son is 8 hours away, as well as my daughter in both directions. Hardly 10 mins. That may be the truth FOR YOU, but despite my children being the distance they are now, I travel enough to see them and vice versa. My son is mine all summer, as well as my daughter, so again, I am not sure what you may be referring to, because if you want to see your children YOU WILL SEE your children.
You all act like it's impossible because of distance, if that's your case it's a very lame excuse.
Read my quote again, I was talking about you...
So you think you're going to have an easier time being a good dad from 2,000 miles away than you would being just a ten minute drive away?
You seem to think distance won't be an issue, so I pose the idea, do you think it is better to be 2,000 miles away or 10 minutes away? If you were 10 minutes away you'd have a much easier go of things, than 2,000 miles away.
So you think you're going to have an easier time being a good dad from 2,000 miles away than you would being just a ten minute drive away?
You seem to think distance won't be an issue, so I pose the idea, do you think it is better to be 2,000 miles away or 10 minutes away? If you were 10 minutes away you'd have a much easier go of things, than 2,000 miles away.
Read mine again, I am not 10 mins away, the distance travel doesn't matter because I will see my children, and they will spend time with me. So what do you suggest, I go to Wisconsin where my son is and be 16 hours away from my daughter lol, that is no different than me being in San Diego.
Go ahead and visit my myspace page, check out the photos, you will see that I am very involved with my children, I am not shy. www.myspace.com/shystiden
Last edited by Shawn_E30; 03-16-2009 at 04:30 PM..
Shawn just ignore the person, don't respond to him/her post. Ohio is raining down on your dream, if you truly want to come to Cali this bad, then do it!
It's about surrounding yourself with great people that encourage you to do well. Having a support group can make a world of difference, because you'll meet people that have the same interest like you do, be it a Chef or Fitness trainer. This will make you much happier.
It seems like Dayton is a hell hole, and full of depressed people. Get on plan and stick to it, when the time is right for you, come to Diego and start your new life.
Shawn
In your original post you said any advice would be appreciated. I am not certain how young you are, but I am assuming you are a young man.
I am not judging you are putting you down. So please hear my words with wisdom and kindess. I think some things on here get misconstrued.
The military obviously taught you how to fight, but you did not learn how to be a man. On all your posts I hear all about "You" What you want what you do what your plans are. I am also assuming you have very young children? Well, when you had these out of wedlock children, you no longer have the right to consider "You". You no longer matter....they do!
They do not have a voice or a choice. And a paycheck is not a FATHER!
If the one woman you have the son with wants to reunite with a family, you have an obligation to your son to be present as a Fahter.
I would suggest speaking to a REAL MAN in your community....a Reverand, councelor. Read books on how difficult it is for children to gorw up with out Fathers. And read books on what maturity and responsibility are.
STEP UP TO THE PLATE, SHAWN! You are at a turning point and you could REALLY do the right thing. Life is about making right choices. Not always easy choices, but right choices.
If you live in Wisconsin and raise your son, you could at least be nearer to your daughter.
I am hoping good things for you and your family!
Why do you find it strange they would give me rough time? Because I am black? Do you think all blacks act exactly the same, and we all get along together quite well, hating "whitey" together? Or perhaps more closer to the truth would be, that some of us were raised in Suburban areas with a much more diverse group of friends coming from all kinds of backgrounds and would not prefer to be around the more ghetto kind of our own race.
Just to put things into perspective for you, and the person at Dennys was just an example of the level of ignorance I see here on a daily basis, sure not everyone is ignorant and close-minded, but there are far many who outweigh the few I've come across here. This goes for both sides of the fence, white and black. This town is like living in a vacuum as far as culture goes.
you still aren't answering the question as to what you mean about a ghetto city and why the Denny's thing? You are making absolutely no sense...As for living in the burbs with a much more diverse group, not all suburban areas are diverse, more are slightly segregated if you are talking about true suburbia. For some reason I am not following any of your logic about any of this...You just keep jumping from one subject to another without anything to back up what you are saying. I think I will just not say anything more as it is a total waste of time..
I will only add one more thing to this; our son is a father of 2 children and is divorced, yes, he has married when he had his 2, and also has a son from a relationship.He is not married to the second mommy. The two older kids are soon to be teen agers. They live about 6 hours apart. I can guarantee you our son supports them to the fullest, more than the courts have suggested, he would do anything for his kids and yet, is the first to say: living away from them keeps him from being a real father..No baseball games, no advise, no siding with mom when things get tough, and so many other things. He was even further away, but moved closer so he could be a little better father..The time will come, too soon, when your son will not spend the summers with you, he will spend them with his friends and his mom, who has been there for him. The closer you can be to him, the better off he will be. This isn't about you anymore. Our son and the mom of our 5 year old grandson are together and probably will be forever: is it a perfect union? No, but both have decided it is worth it to raise their son in a family. Mom and dad's relationship is such their son will never know they are together for him only. They are willing to work very hard to keep it this way...
I am not here to lecture you, it will do no good, you are bound and determine to do it your way. Why you asked for opinions I will never know. I am here to tell you the further you move from your kids the more you will miss the wonders of really being a father and the more your kids will miss having a dad. It seems you are just not about to put anything ahead of what you want for yourself. Good luck to you and too those two kids you fathered..
Shawn just ignore the person, don't respond to him/her post. Ohio is raining down on your dream, if you truly want to come to Cali this bad, then do it!
It's about surrounding yourself with great people that encourage you to do well. Having a support group can make a world of difference, because you'll meet people that have the same interest like you do, be it a Chef or Fitness trainer. This will make you much happier.
It seems like Dayton is a hell hole, and full of depressed people. Get on plan and stick to it, when the time is right for you, come to Diego and start your new life.
This is what it really boils down to for me, being surrounded by great people that are doing well, working hard and striving to become a better person than they were yesterday, and an even stronger person tomorrow than they were today.
I had that in DC, I had great friends, all young professionals, I was making around 60k for the Dept of Defense, and enjoyed life. Suddenly, our govt contract ended due to "unforeseen circumstances" and I made the decision to migrate to Ohio to see my mother and siblings and other family I hadn't seen in ages and to get my degree since the time seemed right, the window was open.
Here I am surrounded by blacks that think nothing is their own doing, they blame it on "the man", that they aren't doing well in life, and yet they all dropped out of high school, started selling drugs, etc etc. Same ol same ol excuses, and the whites here think the town is going to **** solely because of the blacks.
This very bleak attitude is wearing on me because living in a world outside this perception I can see the fallacy in both their thinking and beliefs and it's driving me crazy!
Shawn
In your original post you said any advice would be appreciated. I am not certain how young you are, but I am assuming you are a young man.
I am not judging you are putting you down. So please hear my words with wisdom and kindess. I think some things on here get misconstrued.
The military obviously taught you how to fight, but you did not learn how to be a man. On all your posts I hear all about "You" What you want what you do what your plans are. I am also assuming you have very young children? Well, when you had these out of wedlock children, you no longer have the right to consider "You". You no longer matter....they do!
They do not have a voice or a choice. And a paycheck is not a FATHER!
If the one woman you have the son with wants to reunite with a family, you have an obligation to your son to be present as a Fahter.
I would suggest speaking to a REAL MAN in your community....a Reverand, councelor. Read books on how difficult it is for children to gorw up with out Fathers. And read books on what maturity and responsibility are.
STEP UP TO THE PLATE, SHAWN! You are at a turning point and you could REALLY do the right thing. Life is about making right choices. Not always easy choices, but right choices.
If you live in Wisconsin and raise your son, you could at least be nearer to your daughter.
I am hoping good things for you and your family!
Obviously things seem to be getting misconstrued because you obviously believe I am not being a father to my children just because I don't want a relationship with their mothers? Like I said go to my page, visit the pics the proof is there, the kind of involvement I have with my children, and I don't feel I have to continue to explain that.
All that I do is for them, me becoming the successful man I was meant to be is so that the won't have to go through the bull**** I did growing up, and they will be with me throughout the year, I get them certain times of the year and when they aren't with me I visit.
I cannot put it any simpler than that, it sounds like a lot of you are bringing your religious values into this discussion, which I can do without.
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