Dating scene for single Black women in the Bay Area? (San Jose: gated, living)

[midwest2baygirl]

Just stumbled across this thread while searching for something else and joined specifically to be able to post a reply and hopefully help out any other black women looking to move here...based on my personal experience as a mid-20s black woman, I'd say RUN!!!

I'm from the Midwest and have been out here for a few years now. Based on the lives of the precious few other attractive/in-shape, friendly, and well-educated black women I know here (and I humbly consider myself a member of that category as well), we have all had horrible dating experiences out here.

A lot of this is due to the fact that if you're no longer in school and fall prey to the work-gym-home routine, you simply may not come across many men, period, so you then have to resort to online dating. Online dating is a very common thing out here, which is cool, but perhaps you've seen all those studies put out about how black women are the least contacted/considered the least desirable on dating sites. We've found that to be true.

In person, guys simply don't tend to approach us. I pretty much am only approached when I go out with a white or Asian girlfriend by my side. Even then, a lot of times once the guy thinks we've broken the ice, he'll often ask if I date non-black guys or make some terrible race-related joke.

All the above applies to interracial dating. I date black and non-black guys alike, but I can't even speak to dating black men out here, because I simply don't see them. I do live on the Peninsula, so I recognize that there are definitely more black guys in Berkeley and Oakland and agree with the poster that said you may have more luck with men of all races out there.

And despite the challenges I've outlined, I still have a had a bit of luck. I don't have a flood of potential dates or get cat-called on the street like I used to in the Midwest, but I've managed to go on several dates with non-black men (again, no black men simply because I haven't seen any) that have been open-minded and didn't mention race at all. I don't think I'll be able to find a life partner out here, though.

In short, I say run because for me and a couple friends, we've had to put in an abnormal amount of time and effort to secure even a few mediocre dates out here. I will definitely be leaving the area when I'm ready to settle down.

[Bisaro TMF]

What an odd post. You don't see Black men? I find that impossible to believe, this ain't Idaho.

[ken22]

After all is said and done it's always the same: If you're attractive you'll have no problem going out on dates.

If you're not or just average looking... well you'll have to work that much harder.

It's always been that way and always will be unless you're rich.

[Spring_Forward2213]

Originally Posted by Bisaro TMF

What an odd post. You don't see Black men? I find that impossible to believe, this ain't Idaho.

Perhaps she is referring to her social circle/income level. I do not know much about the Bay area (outside of visiting) but from my limited experience, I saw a number of homeless and/or low income black men, but not really a lot of the other types that one would be interested in dating.

[Spring_Forward2213]

Originally Posted by ken22

After all is said and done it's always the same: If you're attractive you'll have no problem going out on dates.

If you're not or just average looking... well you'll have to work that much harder.

It's always been that way and always will be unless you're rich.

I don't agree. There are many average looking white women in the U.S. with dating options. White women do not have to be gorgeous or even very attractive to find a suitable mate.

I do agree with midwest2baygirl about the online dating thing, which is why I avoid it at all cost.

[Bisaro TMF]

Originally Posted by Spring_Forward2213

I do not know much about the Bay area (outside of visiting)

You're right you don't.

[itsabird]

Yuppie black guy in his mid-20s. Moved to SF after growing up in the suburbs in the East Coast and living in NYC and Chicago.

I can't believe how bad the dating scene is here for everyone. I've never seen so many highly accomplished young men that can't have a normal social life.

It's much worse if you're black though. A city where the 3% of the population that is black all lives in the ghetto (and the other black ppl are segregated across the bridge) is pretty much a nightmare for racial assimilation (liberal reputation notwithstanding). Girls will basically ignore you out of some combination of fear/ unfamiliarity it seems. The online stuff is impossible too.

[Bisaro TMF]

Originally Posted by itsabird

Yuppie black guy in his mid-20s. Moved to SF after growing up in the suburbs in the East Coast and living in NYC and Chicago.

I can't believe how bad the dating scene is here for everyone. I've never seen so many highly accomplished young men that can't have a normal social life.

It's much worse if you're black though. A city where the 3% of the population that is black all lives in the ghetto (and the other black ppl are segregated across the bridge) is pretty much a nightmare for racial assimilation (liberal reputation notwithstanding). Girls will basically ignore you out of some combination of fear/ unfamiliarity it seems. The online stuff is impossible too.

mod cut 7 million people live here and you have problems dating? I never had issues and i'm a black man.

[edsg25]

Originally Posted by itsabird

Yuppie black guy in his mid-20s. Moved to SF after growing up in the suburbs in the East Coast and living in NYC and Chicago.

I can't believe how bad the dating scene is here for everyone. I've never seen so many highly accomplished young men that can't have a normal social life.

It's much worse if you're black though. A city where the 3% of the population that is black all lives in the ghetto (and the other black ppl are segregated across the bridge) is pretty much a nightmare for racial assimilation (liberal reputation notwithstanding). Girls will basically ignore you out of some combination of fear/ unfamiliarity it seems. The online stuff is impossible too.

3%:has SF's black population dropped that low? what a shame. Blacks used to be one of the main stream groups in San Francisco.

[04kL4nD]

That's because black people would rather live in Oakland. SF is way more segregated and far less diverse.