Single Gay male looking to relocate (San Diego, Santa Cruz: neighborhood, living in, moving)

[Urban_245]

Originally Posted by legal_eagle

I think the idea of meetup groups is a good one. The gay scene in SF is ridiculous and not a reason to move here.

Thanks for the input. For the few days I was here.. I felt something similar. Seems like there are so many men to pick from.. with so many options, guys tend to be even more pickier?

[04kL4nD]

It all boils down to money. SF is crazy expensive, so the people who can afford to live there feel like they can have their cake and eat it too. From my understanding, the Castro used to be much more working class/blue collar/laid back, but ever since I've lived here, it's never really felt very welcoming. I hardly ever spend time in the Castro anymore, but I honestly don't feel like I'm missing much.

[cardinal2007]

Originally Posted by Urban_245

I am in my early 30's and have some potential job leads in the bay area closer to Oakland. I currently live in twin cities and it's not been the best experience for me. It took me a few years to build a few solid friends and the dating scene has been a huge disappointment. The winters are brutal. Added to that I am not very satisfied with my current job. So, a move seems logical to me but I need to think about it carefully.

I know the bay area has a strong diverse gay community. So, I am hoping I will have more dating options. Am I correct?

I have found that making friends has been a challenge in Minnesota where people have friends from high school and are not generally looking for new friends. So, what's the bay area like? I guess there are many transplants which leads me to believe people are bit more open to meeting someone new. My plan is to build a good support system first and then ease into the dating scene. I would appreciate your thoughts. thanks.

Do you prefer doing more indoor activities like going to bar or clubs, coffee shops, that sort of thing, or outdoor activities like hiking, cycling, running, that sort of thing?

Different parts of the Bay Area cater more to certain personalities, while others cater more to other types of personalities, and you will be more likely to find like-minded people in places that cater more to your interests. I don't think you should worry too much about not finding enough people to date if you stay within the "Inner Bay Area", and even in areas further out, as long as you're not too picky.

[Urban_245]

Originally Posted by calicoastal

It is totally absurd to say the east bay is even remotely close to SF in terms of opportunities for gay people to meet and socialize. Not only is SF over twice the size of Oakland, it also has a much higher percentage of gay people. It is also a much more densely populated city so there are more things going on and more people around. Also absurd is generalizing the SF gay population, which is huge and diverse, into any one type.

If you live in the east bay and are single, I guarantee you will be traveling to SF often. The east bay's gay scene is a couple of ghetto dive bars and a bath house. That being said, living outside of SF but going to SF to socialize is very common, you don't necessarily need to live in SF, but I'd stay reasonably close.

That's good to know. I am not sure if a much higher percentage of guys necessarily translates into a better dating scene. But over all, I am now questioning if the gay scene is a good enough reason to consider a move. From the few responses I got here, it doesn't seem to be the case.

I interviewed at a place in East Bay and wasn't quite impressed with it. My current job in Minneapolis is better that what I might be offered. Also, I will have to start building my support system all over again. I am going to take my time considering the pros and cons. But thanks for your input.

[NotAnother]

Everyone has different interests/tastes but I feel like everyone is making San Francisco sound worse than it actually is! I actually made a similar decision 2 years ago and moved to SF from Midwest. I am also in my early 30's and go out once or twice a week mostly in the Castro or sometimes SOMA. Personally for me, this is the best decision I have made in my life. I cannot think of any reason to move anywhere else or even move to the East Bay... People form their cliques wherever you are but I feel that people are more open to chatting up with a stranger in San Francisco. If you are moving here for a better gay life, I would rather go all in and live in the Castro (which I do). There is a plenty opportunities to meet people (coffee shop, gay sports leagues, outdoor meetups, gay gym - lol, etc). Maybe you can get a roommate in the Castro first (I mean rent is crazy expensive in SF to begin with) and get introduced to his clique. I am actually an introvert but find myself meeting new people every other week or so. I think this over-generalization of awkward techies is over-played (I mean do they even go out?). They sure exist but not to a point where I actually notice them. Like someone said, if you live in the East Bay, you will be traveling a lot to SF for fun gay stuff and if you do not live in the city, you get somewhat written off.

Just my thought.

[Urban_245]

Originally Posted by NotAnother

Everyone has different interests/tastes but I feel like everyone is making San Francisco sound worse than it actually is! I actually made a similar decision 2 years ago and moved to SF from Midwest. I am also in my early 30's and go out once or twice a week mostly in the Castro or sometimes SOMA. Personally for me, this is the best decision I have made in my life. I cannot think of any reason to move anywhere else or even move to the East Bay... People form their cliques wherever you are but I feel that people are more open to chatting up with a stranger in San Francisco. If you are moving here for a better gay life, I would rather go all in and live in the Castro (which I do). There is a plenty opportunities to meet people (coffee shop, gay sports leagues, outdoor meetups, gay gym - lol, etc). Maybe you can get a roommate in the Castro first (I mean rent is crazy expensive in SF to begin with) and get introduced to his clique. I am actually an introvert but find myself meeting new people every other week or so. I think this over-generalization of awkward techies is over-played (I mean do they even go out?). They sure exist but not to a point where I actually notice them. Like someone said, if you live in the East Bay, you will be traveling a lot to SF for fun gay stuff and if you do not live in the city, you get somewhat written off.

Just my thought.

Thank you. It looks like living in Castro is the best bet for better dating options. But I am not so sure how that would work out if my job is in East Bay considering the crazy traffic. I wouldn't want to live in SF and commute to East Bay. If I have a job lead in SF proper, I will definitely consider it.

[04kL4nD]

Where would your job be located in the East Bay? Near a BART station? Depending on where your job is located in the East Bay, a commute from Castro wouldn't be THAT bad if you took MUNI to Embarcadero and then BART, or if you walked to 16th/Mission BART (it's about a mile). Driving would definitely suck though. I don't think I could put up with it.

Either way, of all the reasons to plan a move to the Bay Area, I still don't think the gay scene in SF is a top selling point, but that's just me.

[Urban_245]

Originally Posted by 04kL4nD

Where would your job be located in the East Bay? Near a BART station? Depending on where your job is located in the East Bay, a commute from Castro wouldn't be THAT bad if you took MUNI to Embarcadero and then BART, or if you walked to 16th/Mission BART (it's about a mile). Driving would definitely suck though. I don't think I could put up with it.

Either way, of all the reasons to plan a move to the Bay Area, I still don't think the gay scene in SF is a top selling point, but that's just me.

Thank you. I like driving more than public transport. It's one main reason I am hesitant about the Bay area. Which other parts of California has less insane traffic and a fairly good gay scene? I love the beaches and I am not a huge fan of Florida. Figured California is a good fit for a beach person. I love San Diego and Santa Cruz. I am exploring options there as well.

[Radical347]

Originally Posted by Urban_245

Thank you. It looks like living in Castro is the best bet for better dating options.

I’d actually say “the best bet for better doing options”.

[NorCalLover]

OP, if you live in the Dolores / Church St corridor where the Mission and Castro neighborhoods merge together, you easily can walk to 16th and Mission BART and take BART to work. Assuming your position is by a BART station, of course.