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The bolded was your mistake. My parents' neighborhood was like that to some extent. Everyone would invite everyone else to the occasional cocktail party or dinner party. Non-working moms would visit each other during the day, or on weekends. There were occasional street parties. No one shared deep, dark secrets, though. It remains a close-knit neighborhood, no issues. It is possible to achieve this, as long as the families stay put long enough to raise kids. What makes it so hard these days is that everyone's so transient, relocating to look for jobs.
Haha! I agree. It wasn't really my idea, but a I seem to have a gift where people just feel comfortable telling me things... things I would really rather not know much of the time. Me, I'm just typically an open book. People can sometimes be put off by that and other people find it really refreshing. It is what it is. Lesson learned.
I think it's "not just Seattle" either....and I suspect the economy has a lot to do with it..you have to work so hard to make ends meet these days or get ahead, that free time is scarce and what little you may have, some people just don't want to spend it socializing.
There can be a double-edged sword in being hyper-friendly or uber-neighbor, WHEREVER you live....it carries obligation, obligation that some folk just don't have time for, even if they have the personality for. If I go to Party Neighbor's event, I will then (usually) be expected to reciprocate...and does it EVER end? Being friendly (in our experience) seems to invite constant invitations, suggestions for more get-togethers, pushes to take-the-relationship-further, and assumptions that *everybody* is into that sort of thing/and/or has time for it. I have some neighbors who have the time and would love nothing more than to hang over the back fence every afternoon at 4:00 and chat for at least an hour...if I were one to participate. Um, I don't have time for that. If you work from home, like I do, neighbors get the mistaken idea in their heads that you're *always there*, *always available*, and have as much free time as they perhaps do, and as much predisposition to be a yakker or visitor. Then if you don't, and they are insulted by you rejecting their advances (even by politely saying "Sorry, I can't!"), they label you *anti-social*. MEH! Can't win. I'm not knocking those who view socializing as building blocks to strong relationships and neighborhoods...I *get* and can value that. But it's not always just about a personality-disposition, or a choice to be highly social or not. Some are just working their arces off and too tired to expend energy on broadening their social circle.
My husband and I both work a lot of long hours at our dayjobs, each with our own businesses...easily 12-14 work days at least 6 days a week, ....because it takes that long to keep up with everything, as well as make ends meet, so when we do have free time, honestly, the last thing on my mind is hanging with my 'hood-mates. I want to be with my husband or family, or doing things I like to do that are not work-related. Some call that being an introvert. I dunno. I think I'm just exhausted from working all week and want to be left the hell alone...heh heh. Sometimes if you DO get-together with people, it can end up being nothing more than a big gossip-fest, and I have no desire to partake in that mess either, end up wishing I'd stayed home! I can be the life of the party if I do show up at one, but am usually also throwing my pantyhose off out the window speeding home, saying "Thank God THAT's OVER and we won't have to do it again till next Xmas!"
So, playing Devil's Advocate here....I can actually see advantages to living where people are supposedly *freezy* and not in your face all the time. Whether that's in the PNW, or, well, ANYWHERE. But just not sure it's fair to label people because they aren't doing what you want them to do, or letting you into their lives as expected in some certain way. Respectful boundaries. Maybe what some are upset about people is more about their own expectations or needs, than "something wrong with others"??? Too, I think at different times of people's lives, they have different expectations and needs. A widow, widower, or divorcee may find themself suddenly far more into looking for friendships and socialization once their spouse has passed, than they did while still married. Newcomers to an area may seek friendships and associations more just to get a feel for the area and develop ties, feel they belong in their new digs and are welcomed. Obviously someone looking for a partner or spouse wants a reciprocal dating experience. And people who may feel they are fringe society, often seek more folk with similar interests to find and feel a sense of belonging. Problem is, if you weren't particularly outgoing before, and suddenly start to be, you may have already established a precedent about yourself and find it harder to crack into the Friendly Sector.
I have some neighbors on my street (for example) who I avoid like the plague because they will, not, shut, up and are constantly trying to insert themselves into our lives, to the point of being obnoxious and intrusive. I'm sure if you asked THEM though, they'd say they are just *trying to be friendly*. If you ask us, they are just being Class A JERKS! On the otherhand, we have other neighbors who get it, they understand how busy our lives, they are the same way, are we all are happy just to enjoy a relationship that is "see ya when we see ya" kinda thing, we DO have occasional get-togethers, but it is with the understanding that we aren't obligated to recip. next weekend or any time in the immediate future. The beauty is, any time there is a crisis or anything the least bit worrisome happening in the 'hood, we are all there for each other, in immediate contact, helping each other if need-be. Some folks can work with that, others can't. Again---respectful boundaries. I fully embrace though that you can be friendly to someone without having to have sleepovers! LOL! It's a mutual give & take with people though. If someone draws a line, don't push it.
Last edited by carolochs; 06-17-2017 at 12:41 PM..
BTW...to get back to the very original post....I too baked a bread and made a gift basket for a new neighbor-couple and left a welcoming note. No response whatsoever. About a week in, turned out they were big time tweekers in their poolside backyard, which started around 10:00 each and EVERY night, and didn't start to wind down till 6:00 a.m. each morning when we were getting up from our sleepless night to go to work. We, and all surrounding neighbors, were perpetually exhausted and P.O.'d. Police would come out, things would settle down for about a half hour, then crank (pardon the pun) the loud partying right up again. This went on for months. The couple ended up divorcing and moving, Tweeker Husband lost his job when in addition to coke, he became addicted to online gaming and couldn't pry himself away from it to go to work. Tweeker Wife got pregnant (poor kid!) and suddenly wanted to quit tweeking & working and have hubby support her. Good luck with that, Honey.
My own personal moral of this tale? Wait till new neighbors show who they are before gifting them.
BTW...to get back to the very original post....I too baked a bread and made a gift basket for a new neighbor-couple and left a welcoming note. No response whatsoever. About a week in, turned out they were big time tweekers in their poolside backyard, which started around 10:00 each and EVERY night, and didn't start to wind down till 6:00 a.m. each morning when we were getting up from our sleepless night to go to work. We, and all surrounding neighbors, were perpetually exhausted and P.O.'d. Police would come out, things would settle down for about a half hour, then crank (pardon the pun) the loud partying right up again. This went on for months. The couple ended up divorcing and moving, Tweeker Husband lost his job when in addition to coke, he became addicted to online gaming and couldn't pry himself away from it to go to work. Tweeker Wife got pregnant (poor kid!) and suddenly wanted to quit tweeking & working and have hubby support her. Good luck with that, Honey.
My own personal moral of this tale? Wait till new neighbors show who they are before gifting them.
Ugh! What I take away from that is that I really just don't want neighbors. LOL
That's why I love living in a condo. There's a front desk guy to deal with people like that. Same with some a-hole's barking dog with the window open. Or the party on the deck past a reasonable hour. After a couple warnings the large fines start, so jerks think twice next time. It's much quieter than a house despite being on the edge of Downtown.
Sorry but i blame women here. The stupid "liberal" nonsense. I mean, I am all for rights but its to the point where these people are high strung and very aggressive then wonder why they don't get heard. There is a way of doing things and saying things. What about the average joe straight guy who is down to earth and works hard? Nothing for them and we are the ones to pick up the pieces.
Totally high strung and superficial. Makes no sense. I mean seriously - stop trying to make excuses and cover up the real truth. Actually ACCEPT the truth.... if people were more friendly and open like they were 10+ years ago.... and be more respectful, would never be in this mess.
Yet to talk to a woman really on a casual basis (due to pre-emptive judgement and what not)... and actually spoke to someone casually in a different state altogether in the 5 years I have been travelling back and forth to Seattle (living here for 6 months now). Think about that.
those who say Seattle freeze is a myth. Oh please. It's not. It's real. If an outsider says it is - then it is. accept it.
sorry, I'm just REALLY frustrated with this utter nonsense and game playing crap.
You are not entitled to any woman's time or attention. Perhaps if you divested yourself of these expectations you'd be happier in your situation. Cheers.
Minneapolis felt very similar to Seattle. It was much more difficult to break through some people and open them up. Going to bars alone was torture, you try to spark a conversation, and they look at you as if you are a serial killer. I didn't find it THAT bad, but it is definitely more common in Seattle than other cities.
In comparison with other transient cities, going out alone in Denver, Austin, or LA was a night and day difference. You could actually have small talk with stranger, even on public transit or in line at the store, and many people out at the bars were very welcoming and at least were open to a conversation. I've met some of my best friends by just bumping into people.
I don't think it makes Seattle bad or anything. I think that people just like to live around people like themselves. Some people are more introverted, and when many of them live in the same place, it can feel uncomfortable to other who are from areas that aren't the same.
^^This has been my experience, but then I've only been in Seattle for around 6 months and haven't adapted to the car-less lifestyle at all. I think its the combo of the slowness of the mass transit plus the fact that I carry a lot with me for my commute to work. If I had a car I could dump it into the trunk and then go on to a social event, but reality is that I need to take it home , which means I would be starting social adventures late in the evening then wake up early to start the cycle all over again.
One the other hand, I've recently travelled to Denver, LA, and Las Vegas and I met more people in an hour who were like "you're cool, hang out with us" than I have in the last 6 months in Seattle. They asked me "why do you live all the way in Seattle?". A question I ask myself
I think the cost of real estate, transportation challenges, the seldom-sunny weather, and the overall congestion of the area are factors as much as the Seattle freeze is a factor.
If you can bypass/avoid these challenges or you prefer to keep to yourself, then I could see your experience in Seattle being just fine.
We've talked about problems , but not solutions. Does building taller buildings and more mass transit options solve it? Do the older "downtown" hubs need to be bulldozed and rebuilt to become better restaurant and entertainment centers?
I don't know, I'm throwing ideas out. Even if those measures help, will they thaw out the 'freeze" or will be a wasted effort?
^^This has been my experience, but then I've only been in Seattle for around 6 months and haven't adapted to the car-less lifestyle at all. I think its the combo of the slowness of the mass transit plus the fact that I carry a lot with me for my commute to work. If I had a car I could dump it into the trunk and then go on to a social event, but reality is that I need to take it home , which means I would be starting social adventures late in the evening then wake up early to start the cycle all over again.
One the other hand, I've recently travelled to Denver, LA, and Las Vegas and I met more people in an hour who were like "you're cool, hang out with us" than I have in the last 6 months in Seattle. They asked me "why do you live all the way in Seattle?". A question I ask myself
I think the cost of real estate, transportation challenges, the seldom-sunny weather, and the overall congestion of the area are factors as much as the Seattle freeze is a factor.
If you can bypass/avoid these challenges or you prefer to keep to yourself, then I could see your experience in Seattle being just fine.
We've talked about problems , but not solutions. Does building taller buildings and more mass transit options solve it? Do the older "downtown" hubs need to be bulldozed and rebuilt to become better restaurant and entertainment centers?
I don't know, I'm throwing ideas out. Even if those measures help, will they thaw out the 'freeze" or will be a wasted effort?
The Freeze was in effect long before Seattle was congested, and the cost of RE was high. Most people do have cars, so infrequent transportation doesn't affect most. This leaves the weather as a potential factor, which does play a role, I think. People living in sunny climes usually have more sunny dispositions, and are more outgoing.
Older downtown hubs? Downtown has some excellent restaurants and a fair amount of entertainment. What did you have in mind? And which downtown hubs? How would changes to downtown affect people living and working elsewhere in the city? I'm not following your reasoning. How would it affect people's openness to chatting with strangers in stores, theaters, or on the bus?
That said, I do feel that many of the folks coming in from all over the planet to work at places like Amazon are not 100% liberal. They come here for the job and not necessarily for the liberal experience. I'd be attempting to bark up this tree if possible. Also, Seattle is a big city. You just need to find your niche and eventually you'll be able to find like minded individuals to hang out with. Patience is the key to socializing in this city. Eventually it will happen, but it won't be as easy as finding friends/dates in other cities.
It may help if you have a particular interest or hobby that you can share with others.
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