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In this Central PA County, I can tell you that those who have heard of it only know of it because I called them wanting help or information. A couple have said "I've gone to class for that". Really? A three hour class? Try LIVING WITH ONE! As many parents of RAD's feel, I feel so alone and in the dark. The discipline is looked at as harsh, they can't understand why we're so cranky (could it be because we don't sleep for fear of getting stabbed to death in the middle of the night?) and at the same time, they blame us. It's truly sad when you know more than the doctors and you can actually ramble off the website by memory of where you get what information because you've been there so much.
Currently, we're attempting to get our child on SSI. It's heading to the appeals process. I'm almost certain it'll be denied yet again. If it's approved, I'll be so shocked that it'll probably kill me. I'm so tired of the doctors, nurses, school employees, snotty people at church and every where else I've been looking at me like I'm insane when I speak of the things our child does.
I would love to have a camcorder to record the things our child does. Maybe then the non-believers here would shut up. I'm just so.....drained.
I would love to have a camcorder to record the things our child does. Maybe then the non-believers here would shut up. I'm just so.....drained.
BTW--I'm new. Just called me TIRED. =)
Hey TIRED!
You aren't alone. There are many out here just like you, some worse, some better but you aren't alone. I just wanted to mention two things.
1.) about your comment above... we bought a small digital recorder (the kind you dictate memos into) for about $30. You can record ~12 hours of audio on it. At the very least you should do this to protect yourself with the authorities. Don't waste time with family and friends... they will choose not to believe you. This I just don't understand.
2.) You sound as though you are at a point of dispair, but don't give up. These kids CAN be helped. There are numerous stories of kids who have killed (pets, stray animals, siblings) that have gotten better, that have learned to love and empathize and have a conscience. It is hard work because it requires us to go completely against our natural emotional protective responses. It requires an amazingly strong person to love and show effection to a kid that is openly hostile to you. If you haven't done so already, read the whole string. There are some really great points by others along the way.
God bless you and I will be praying for you and your family.
You aren't alone. There are many out here just like you, some worse, some better but you aren't alone. I just wanted to mention two things.
1.) about your comment above... we bought a small digital recorder (the kind you dictate memos into) for about $30. You can record ~12 hours of audio on it. At the very least you should do this to protect yourself with the authorities. Don't waste time with family and friends... they will choose not to believe you. This I just don't understand.
2.) You sound as though you are at a point of dispair, but don't give up. These kids CAN be helped. There are numerous stories of kids who have killed (pets, stray animals, siblings) that have gotten better, that have learned to love and empathize and have a conscience. It is hard work because it requires us to go completely against our natural emotional protective responses. It requires an amazingly strong person to love and show effection to a kid that is openly hostile to you. If you haven't done so already, read the whole string. There are some really great points by others along the way.
God bless you and I will be praying for you and your family.
Thanks IHOP.
I actually have friends on my side who have seen what he's done, which is a rare thing I hear. Family too. My SIL has listened to every word I've said about how to deal with him, his punishments and such and she is my respite care. She'll take him atleast one weekend a month for me so I can unwind and gather strength. Actually, she's taking him tonight until Saturday afternoon. I wish everyone had friends as supportive with them and their RAD's as I have. I'd share them with you but you'd have to move here. =)
I'll have to check into that audio recorder. Thanks for the idea! Never thought just audio would help but I guess for his screaming fits, it'll do the trick. Yard sale time is coming up so maybe, just MAYBE, I can score a minicam super cheap. =) Even if it has to stay plugged in...
Yesterday I purchased a bed alarm off of ebay and it should be here soon. Atleast then I'll know when he gets out of bed. He had his own room until a lady at church flipped out since she's unwilling to understand or believe. I've also ordered Nancy L Thomas' one book and that should be here soon as well.
I'm so glad I found this board. I just wish we only needed it to share recipes and cures for the common cold, not ideas on how to keep our kids from killing or driving us to the nut house.
Wondering if anyone has any personal experience with children diagnosed with this ailment/mental issue?
Did your situation ever improve? Is there hope?
My daughter is nearly 8 yrs old and her 3 year adoption anniversary is tomorrow and she had RAD. She rages, lies, hurts herself, and sometimes others, she steals, breaks things, etc
Is there hope? Yes, there is hope - it takes some intense therapy and lots of love even when you don't want to give it. These kids have the self-worth of a slug and expect that they are as worthless to everyone as they see themselves.
My daughter pushes every button I have - but since we started therapy her rages are less - and she has even shown shame and empathy on more than one occasion.
She is educationally brilliant - and emotionally stunted. She has terrible peer relations....
She is RAD - and we will love her forever, no matter what
Oh My God- Everything described here is what our almost 4 year old grandson that we raise IS! I dont know how we, or he, is still alive! And help? Where do you get that? Not in Arizona! Just call me desperatly tired!
Oh My God- Everything described here is what our almost 4 year old grandson that we raise IS! I dont know how we, or he, is still alive! And help? Where do you get that? Not in Arizona! Just call me desperatly tired!
You need to do some research and find an attachment therapist that you are comfortable with in your area. That is what the best for you and for him is to do.
I don't know that we could do it without our therapist
you all seem to know so much about it.i'm a permenant foster carer to a sib group of 3(been with me 4.5 yrs) 8 and 12 yr old at special schools due to behaviour, neither with a diagnosis ,both normal intellegence.
child and adolesent mental health areteaching me theraputic parenting but have had limited intervention with boys(8yr old seen x1)
some of there behaviours are;-
day and night time wetting....admitted it was b/c cross
weeing on others possesions and piles of ironing
grabbing ladies breasts
pulling down little girls knickers
crawling and hiding in lessons
walking through people
playing with hands
pushing,shoving,hitting,kicking(punched me hard enough to bruise for 4 wks
stareing
lies...lies...lies no matter who witnesses it
fight silently for hrs after bedtime
breaking furniture toys doors etc
repetative noises
hiding under coat
odd gait(almost up on toes)
no friends
8yr old also....has said odd things
.....why aren't you dead yet
.....to cat"i'm going to bone you up the bottom"
......he's going to run you down and make you dead(flat voice)
and when he doesn't realise he's observed.....he watches us all and his eyes look dead.but will hug any stranger
does this sound like attachment/rad or more like asd adhd
other than the 'hurt child' course i'm doing,what else should i do?is it already too late?
i forgot the 8 yr olds' pay backs;
snotty tissue round tooth brush head
spitting in drink
scribbling on homeworks
all furniture has now been drawn on
in public...drop on floor and shout ow
...scratt head
....hand in underwear rumageing about
and 12 yr old also ...eats desk chewing gum
food out of bins
rubbish in street
twigs and leaves
It sounds alot like RAD to me. Only you or a qualified therapist (one who specializes in attachement) can really answer that. There is a lot that goes into that question, what was their upbringing like, that kind of thing. There is more to RAD than just behavior. If it were behaviour only, this wouldn't be such a bad issue to deal with. My suggestion, get the kids evaluated... DEMAND it. If you are only a foster, do some serious research on RAD and consider if it is in your best interest to keep these kids. For your sake I hope they don't have RAD. It sounds like you are in a bad situation. Best of luck and I will be praying for you.
c.a.m.h.s have me on a course healing the hurt child and have talked of dan hughs a lot.when the 12 yr old was out of school for 11 mths they saw him 6 times but the 8 yr old only x1,the 8yr old is the one i'm most worried for as all his emotions seem fake.from 4 till 7 he never cried even when hurt.on some of the sites i've been on'they talk about attachment therapy but i don't think they do it in the uk.
the children had 18 moves between birth family in 8 yrs that social services know of but recently the children told me that the last 3 yrs before they came to me(4.5 yrs ago)their seperated parents would swop children on an almost weekly basis i.e. mum 1-dad 2,mum`-dad 3,mum2-dad1etc
there was quite bad neglect emotional abuse and some physical.dad was in a
relationship with a 14 yr old.
can anyone reccommend any books ,i have dan hughs..building the bonds
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These kids CAN be helped. There are numerous stories of kids who have killed (pets, stray animals, siblings) that have gotten better, that have learned to love and empathize and have a conscience. It is hard work because it requires us to go completely against our natural emotional protective responses. It requires an amazingly strong person to love and show effection to a kid that is openly hostile to you. If you haven't done so already, read the whole string. There are some really great points by others along the way.
Therapist
