Why is dating so awful here and what is wrong with men in Toronto? (deal, cities)
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I had to do a double take reading this because I once posted the same thing lol.
Here is my story which I'm sure many guys and gals have experienced:
Unrealistic expectations on both ends is why dating stinks sometimes. When I was in the dating world, it sometimes was pretty much mind boggling from a guy's perspective who has his act together, owns his own house, in shape, can carry a conversation, has a great job etc, but I'm average looking.
So I would go out with girls who I had stuffs in common (we at least need to like some things in common). I was not out there looking for a super model. I dated all type of girls, your average looks to your hot one. I would hear them saying I'm such a nice guy etc but nothing after.
One of the girl I was interested in since we both likely kayaking, mountain hiking, sci-fi was this very pretty blonde girl. I went out with her once and she told me that she was also going out with 2 other guys which is fair because we were not exclusive. I saw her about 2 weeks after with this very good looking guy and she saw me too. They were going in her car and she was driving. So she finally sent me a text stating how I was such a nice guy and we had so many things in common but she didn't see the chemistry. Ok at least she was honest.
Fast forward 7 months later, I got a new job with a great pay, bought myself a nice BMW (mind you I had a nice VW before). I went to celebrate with 2 of my closest friend to a nice pub. As I'm parking, guess who I see getting out of her car? Yes, the same girl and she sees me getting out of my car. First thing she asked was 'is that your car'? SO I told her about the promotion etc and I was meeting friends here.
So good music playing, we were standing around and she came to me to talk. She straight forward asked me 'how's dating?' I told her I took a break from it etc... And I asked her the same question. Well when people say alcohol is sometimes the truth serum, they are not kidding, I got the whole run down with the other good looking guy. Basically he had no car so she was driving him around. So I asked her 'well you knew that but still dated him for 3 months?' She said he was so hot...bingo...She didn't care that the guy had a small job and had no car but he was hot. Honestly I even said it when I saw the guy before 'man that a very good looking man' (he was like a Chris Evans (capt America) lookalike). That night she said she would like to have dinner sometimes with me (wow I guess the BMW created instant chemistry) or she has gone through the guys she liked and I'm the backup plan finally !!
Over the months when I resumed dating, I would get the same thing from average looking girls. The went for the looks and $$. I was the guy who had to hear afterwards how some of these guys were a.holes. Well that didn't make me bitter but from then, I let those setbacks make me stronger because I knew that I had a lot to offer and I'm a good man. When I would meet a girl, I wouldn't put in my mind that I wanted her. After dates, I would say 'had a good time', exchange numbers and sent a text if I was interested.
Many girls out there live for the 'women power', 'equality' but then they don't do the first move, they expect the guy to make it claiming oh it's just 'chivalry' the guy has to make the first move.
Some don't even know what they want so they go by the looks.
Some don't have much to offer so they rely strictly on their looks.
I'm sure girls have experienced the same things with guy. So the question is, how come I was not meeting someone like me with real expectations? Well simple, everyone out there has their own definition of what real is. The amount of times I have heard girls complaining that they are not meeting the right guy etc, if I had a dollar every time, I would be rich.
In this thread, the OP doesn't say what she is looking for. Maybe she has been approached by average guys only to turn them down. Many good looking guys and gals know when they are good looking so they feel like they need to find someone as good looking or better than them. See all superficial items.
We old grow old and saggy so that looks will fade and then what else will you have?
OP if you're still around, sorry to hear about your dilemma and I do hope that you did meet a guy that you considered to your standards.
I do not know about finding someone who meets another person's standards lol. I never had a list of things someone needed to be or have for me to be interested in them. I am not that organized or rigid and also end with people that are very different then me. I am critical of the "standards" concept because I know consciously or subconscious everyone to some extent has some basic standards for just about most things, but through my experiences the best experiences I have ever had tend to be ones I just happen to stumble across (sometimes literally). Is it luck, fate or coincidence... I have no idea, but isn't this part of the excitement of living.... never fully knowing what could happen next ? People that like their lives over scripted freak me out because that is usually just not how life works. A great idea or situation today could just not be right five days or five years from now.
I question where most of the so called standards people have come from? Are they imposed or tried and tested (ex I have to marry someone that makes a lot of money because we need to have a nice big house, a luxoury car, 2 kids and a dog in order to be happy). Do people really questions where these ideas come from or challenge what happiness or contenment really means? In reality ... might not be the case. I have no answer. I just question if people question why they want what they want before they put it on their standards list. I always wonder about intension of people who are dating. Are they looking for physical/sexual relationships that are just steping stones until they find someone they think is better (ex sampling) or a solid forever types situation? If the intensions of both people are not the same then someone is going to get hurt or disappointed.
I don't think that the looks are needed if you are loaded.
Like I said I'm average looking but do very well financially. I just drive the beemer and they come hahaha
Oh is that your car ?? nice !!
Just throwing this out there, but the types of places you go or frequent may also place you in higher contact with shallow people. There was another person who posted thoughts to that effect.
For example I tend to go to a lot of concerts and street festivals. The crowds usually appear a lot more down to earth. I also shop in lower as well as higher end stores and areas. Different crowds in both places for sure. In short if you are hanging out in the finanical district after work or certain night clubs that are notorious for having certian crowds (ex higher concentration of flashy people trying to climb up the social and economic ladder) there is a greater chance you are going to run in to these types of people. Also got to mention maybe you are just not noticing other types of people? Maybe you are physically attracted to people that tend to be more likely to have these types of values?
Just throwing this out there, but the types of places you go or frequent may also place you in higher contact with shallow people. There was another person who posted thoughts to that effect.
For example I tend to go to a lot of concerts and street festivals. The crowds usually appear a lot more down to earth. I also shop in lower as well as higher end stores and areas. Different crowds in both places for sure. In short if you are hanging out in the finanical district after work or certain night clubs that are notorious for having certian crowds (ex higher concentration of flashy people trying to climb up the social and economic ladder) there is a greater chance you are going to run in to these types of people. Also got to mention maybe you are just not noticing other types of people? Maybe you are physically attracted to people that tend to be more likely to have these types of values?
I frequent several types of places and shop from walmart to Nordstrom.
Talk to people from all walks of life.
When I was on a dating site, I would message people based on their profile ,character and not just how they look. So she could be a admin assistant, a simple cashier I would message.
So I never understood when I would hear 'you're such a great guy' (and I was single) but then afterwards when these girls probably have exhausted the guys they want, I was the backup plan and it was very obvious lol.
From a guy's perspective, women are generally looking for a good man, a good provider and mind you some attraction has to be there which is understandable but it was mind boggling sometimes That's why when you look at dating sites, one wonder ,what are these women looking for? They all say how they are down to earth and looking for someone to treat them right, has their act together etc... It's like they just put something so as not to sound shallow.
Their real AD would say 'in search of Vin Diesel, captain America, thor, Bradley cooper, Dwayne Johnson, Ice Cube who makes minimum of $200K and drives a nice newer corvette or better with a big house and hopefully a boat and treats me like a princess and obey all my commands and who I can brag about to my friends and show them off too. I'm sure men do it too.
OR
If you're terribly hot, you don't need to have a car since I would put up with all your crap just to say this hot guy is my b/f. Just be hot.
I'm sure some women don't think like this but in my experience and talking to other single men ages 25-40, they noticed the same thing.
One of my good friend is a very good looking man and in top shape and he works at target as an associate. Love the guy but he can be the biggest jerk and pompous too. We go somewhere and women are generally all over him and he is just looking to mostly score. So from a guy's perspective, I still don't know what women want and I never go by what they write (e.g. I'm laid back and looking for a good man, tired of being cheated on etc etc...)
This apply to single,divorced women some of which have kids.
I frequent several types of places and shop from walmart to Nordstrom.
Talk to people from all walks of life.
When I was on a dating site, I would message people based on their profile ,character and not just how they look. So she could be a admin assistant, a simple cashier I would message.
So I never understood when I would hear 'you're such a great guy' (and I was single) but then afterwards when these girls probably have exhausted the guys they want, I was the backup plan and it was very obvious lol.
From a guy's perspective, women are generally looking for a good man, a good provider and mind you some attraction has to be there which is understandable but it was mind boggling sometimes That's why when you look at dating sites, one wonder ,what are these women looking for? They all say how they are down to earth and looking for someone to treat them right, has their act together etc... It's like they just put something so as not to sound shallow.
Their real AD would say 'in search of Vin Diesel, captain America, thor, Bradley cooper, Dwayne Johnson, Ice Cube who makes minimum of $200K and drives a nice newer corvette or better with a big house and hopefully a boat and treats me like a princess and obey all my commands and who I can brag about to my friends and show them off too. I'm sure men do it too.
OR
If you're terribly hot, you don't need to have a car since I would put up with all your crap just to say this hot guy is my b/f. Just be hot.
I'm sure some women don't think like this but in my experience and talking to other single men ages 25-40, they noticed the same thing.
One of my good friend is a very good looking man and in top shape and he works at target as an associate. Love the guy but he can be the biggest jerk and pompous too. We go somewhere and women are generally all over him and he is just looking to mostly score. So from a guy's perspective, I still don't know what women want and I never go by what they write (e.g. I'm laid back and looking for a good man, tired of being cheated on etc etc...)
This apply to single,divorced women some of which have kids.
Your mileage may vary.
LOL... the older I get the more I am willing to admit maybe I really do not know much about anything at all . The exact same thing you have said about women I could flip and say about men ( at least most of it). You seem to appear to have pretty broad range of places and types of people you are around. I personally do not even understand what "average" or what the girl or guy next door looks means in general. The way someone perceives themselves and the way the world perceives them can be very different. Also people might say they want someone thing... but not really articulate what they mean properly or just be out right lying.
I have a brother in his early 40s and all his freinds around late 30s to mid 40s were really hard to read. When they were in their 20s and early 30s they really appeared to be chasing after sterotypically attractive people with no thought paid to the average looking girl. Sorry my second nature is to always question if men in this city even notice the other women around or are all just chasing after the same percentage to above average looking women. I guess maybe the same question could be presented to women in the city ex... what does the average man look like? What are you reallying looking for? Very refreshing to hear this from a male point of view. I often strongly question if most men in this city even notice women that do not fit the "I just walked off the pages of a magazine" category.
I actually wish I knew someone I could set you up with lol as you seem like you actually have some depth (I find this quality sort of lacking in many people in this city). I agree with many of your observations. Maybe a lot of finding the right person is luck? This is probably what makes it such a great thing? In that case good luck !
Did you go out with this girl again after that? I hope not! Who the heck wants to be anyone's backup plan. If she was drinking when she said it even worse because that might really highlight her true character as her filters were not working as well. If she wanted a BMW she could actually try and work towards buying her own. I hate people like that. Throw that fish back.
Did you go out with this girl again after that? I hope not! Who the heck wants to be anyone's backup plan. If she was drinking when she said it even worse because that might really highlight her true character as her filters were not working as well. If she wanted a BMW she could actually try and work towards buying her own. I hate people like that. Throw that fish back.
I don't think he cares. I mean a lot of gold diggers are very attractive. And if he is rich and doesn't mind short term flings with hot girls. It's actually a powerful motivator in becoming financially inclined. You may disagree and state how it shouldn't be like that but you are just being dense. The only thing better than being rich and average looking is being rich and famous and average looking. Then you sit higher on the totem pole of these shallow women then even male supermodels. Just the way it is and toronto women are definitely no better than it.
Just when someone male drops a few comments to help someone like me gain a little more hope that all men are not vain, shallow and inevitably just looking for a super model or Demi-super model if he is a tiny bit modest and willing to lower his standards you take the little ray of light and stick a mega dark cloud over it lol. I give up.
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? People that like their lives over scripted freak me out because that is usually just not how life works. A great idea or situation today could just not be right five days or five years from now. 
That's why when you look at dating sites, one wonder ,what are these women looking for? They all say how they are down to earth and looking for someone to treat them right, has their act together etc... It's like they just put something so as not to sound shallow.
Interesting ...
. The exact same thing you have said about women I could flip and say about men ( at least most of it). You seem to appear to have pretty broad range of places and types of people you are around. I personally do not even understand what "average" or what the girl or guy next door looks means in general. The way someone perceives themselves and the way the world perceives them can be very different. Also people might say they want someone thing... but not really articulate what they mean properly or just be out right lying. 