multigenerational travel / vacations (cruise, rental, hotel, hotels)

[christina0001]

I'm hoping to start a family tradition of going someplace together once a year. This would be DH and I, DH's son and daughter-in-law (in their early 20s), and their two toddlers.

I've done some online research on the topic of multigenerational travel and I've found plenty of articles indicating this is pretty common, but not really any advice or tips. I would think this sort of travel could present plenty of challenges. For our group, we've got four adults who are used to doing their own thing, and we've got three sets of different age groups and interests. Also being that we are a blended family, I'm thinking that could add another challenging aspect to things.

So DH and I have been planning on a weekend getaway for all six of us. We are going to talk with DS and DIL today about it. We're going to offer to pay for the whole thing; these young parents don't have much extra cash. We're thinking of getting a 2 bedroom suite with a kitchen (the toddlers can sleep in the living room). We've got a couple of activities in mind that we'd like to do with all of us, and we were going to offer to watch the little ones Saturday night so DS and DIL can go out on the town if they want some alone time.

Does anyone else travel with multiple generations? I would love to hear some insight from those who are experienced. Thanks for reading!

[captain_hug99]

We've traveled with three generations to USA and Cancun. I only have one child, but my sister has three. Usually it is my parents, my sister, her husband and their three children, myself and my husband and my one child. Whenever we are at a location that requires a hotel room, we get separate rooms. Many times it is cheaper. My parents have a room of their own, my sister has a room with her family, and I have a room with mine.

This way if everyone wants to do their own thing, no one is going to wake up another by getting back to the hotel room late, even though in a suite you do have your own area the sound may travel.

We'll usually have meals together, at least breakfast and dinner. Lunch if we have one, sometimes is with just with those that are doing the same activity. We'll do lots of things together, but don't force everyone to do so if they aren't interested or just can't.

[firebll31]

We have been on several multi-generational trips, and find them frustrating. It is hard enough to find one couple our own age that we travel well with, and throwing small children into the mix makes it even harder. However, these trips were our only major vacation for the whole year since we can't afford 2 large trips, and it was for a week or more each time. Also, we always had at least 13 people involved with at least 4 children of different ages. We wasted so much time waiting for other people that it was discouraging. We stayed in the basement of a vacation rental with a stairwell open to the living room. The older kids stayed up late playing war video games and fell asleep with the TV turned up loud. The toddlers were up stomping around at 5:30. I'm a light sleeper and got very little rest for 7 days. A few suggestions:
1. Keep to short trips, no more than 3 or 4 days.

2. Try not to cram too many activities into a day. The more people you have, the longer it takes to get organized, out of the hotel in the morning, tables at restaurants, etc.

3. Some people stay up late, some are early risers. Some like to cook on vacation, some take a vacation to get away from cooking. Have a pre-trip meeting to discuss what everyone's expectations are.

4. Find out if the toddlers have a regular routine such as naptime etc. so you can plan activities accordingly. A tired cranky child can ruin the day for everyone.

5. We never had luck with kids on a pull-out couch in the living room. They were scared of the unfamiliar place and ended up in bed with the parents, or a kid and a parent in each bed. A roll-away bed in the parent's room may be a better solution.

Good luck, and I hope you have many great trips together. Make plans but be flexible. And if it just doesn't work out well, don't push it. You may have to wait until the kids are a little older, or maybe you just aren't meant to travel together. People have different ideas of a good time, and that's what makes life interesting.

[brokencrayola]

What I like best about traveling is going someplace new and then venturing out from there to see what there is to offer. Going to the same place year after year would be boring to me.

[StealthRabbit]

Kids of different ages can be a challenge (unless they are from homeschool families and not fixated on generational / school age segregation).

Many National Parks have cabins for families (get at least 2)
We have done similar with RV's (usually 2-3 RV's, or tents for kids)..and grandparents, parents, and kids all have their space when necessary).

Beach destinations are good, and depending on the age you can choose your potent. We did Ocean City, Maryland for a couple weeks one yr and had 3 families (from west coast) participating, each with multi generational clan. We were really adventurous and fit a lot of activities in. Orlando and other destinations also have plenty of variety. (I'm glad I NEVER have to go there again...).

Lake house, working Dude Ranch, Cruises, Farm stays... all are possible and fun. One camp we hosted in Colorado had a lot of repeat families come for 'family camp'. Also did hosting for several yrs in Canada at a sailing camp that had 6 sessions of 'family camp', and a couple sessions of adults and then kids only.

Too many options, too little time... Poof--- kids are GONE, or playing premier league soccer, or baseball, or in 4-H ... then the old folks start getting homebound (or worse).

If you have a good general destination, use the intergenerational vacations to build a family cabin. It's REAL good to get the kids educated early in working side by side with elders. By time mine were in JR high, they built their own houses (to pay for college). Grandpa and Grandma, mom and dad, and uncle 'friends' had educated them well. (and 15 yrs later... STILL offer plenty of help to each other... )

[christina0001]

Wow, thanks for sharing the experiences! I'm a little envious of those of you with large families to travel with, or those who have been able to get away for a couple of weeks at a time. Maybe someday!
Going to take the advice here and keep planned activities to a minimum, and I'll check in with DIL and see how she feels about cooking. I don't mind doing the cooking if she wants a break.

[StealthRabbit]

Originally Posted by christina0001

Wow, thanks for sharing the experiences! I'm a little envious of those of you with large families to travel with, ....

Ha.. not all is as rosy as it seems (for many of us). Fortunately we found 'adoptive' / surrogate grandparents for our kids, as their 'blood' grandparents hated our kids as much as they hated their own children (us parents) I even had a legal 'dis-inheritance' served to me by the sheriff and was threated by a parent to have me killed.

Families... spare me the DRAMA... Thankfully there are folks that open their homes and arms to others.

We traveled via 'private guest homes' and hosted many international travelers into our own home + had foreign work assignments. Kids make it REALLY ez to meet people while traveling, especially in Europe and Asia. Guest home directories have a 'profile' of hosts, so you can pick spots with other families (We usually do farms). There are many venues that can take multiple guests. REALLY fun when you bring Multi Generation visitors into a Multi generational household. This happens a lot on dairy farms.

Involve the kids in the planning, shopping, and the cooking, that will go a long way to making a more memorable and engaging time together. Plan certain 'cross-family' cooking / cleanup crews, it is a good way to keep siblings from sparing and 'other kids' always work better for someone besides their parents ('deaf ear syndrome' to parents and spouse). Kids really enjoy whipping up their favorites for others and it keeps them from being 'entertained' and gives them a task / purpose. Rotate work crew members everyday. (Might draw names the night before, then the others know they have a free day ahead of them!)

Toddlers bring a special challenge, but they need to get trained / learn early. There is an amazing amount they can do, and they are very creative about helping. I enjoy 'learning' from them. Especially as they get their favorite books memorized they LOVE to 'read' to adults! It can be fun to play toddler games and act out their stories in the evening before bedtime. I have been a donkey (Eeyore), Elephant (Babar), or a Berenstain Bear more than a few times.

[firebll31]

We had a very difficult time deciding where to do the family vacation. Two members absolutely refused a cruise, Two more vetoed the all-inclusive resort, we love hot weather and beaches, my mom can't take heat and is scared to fly, but in the end she took meds and we flew to Puerto Rico. The cooking was a big issue with us as we are foodies and trying local specialties and food trucks is a highlight of travel for us. Here we were surrounded by fresh seafood (expensive and hard to get in Missouri) and we only ate out twice. The rest of the time we were back at the rental house early so someone could cook food we eat all the time. We also like to get up, eat a quick breakfast and head out to spend all day sightseeing or at the beach. We use the hotel mostly for just sleeping. Some of our group didn't get up until 9, then fixed a huge breakfast and we didn't leave until 11. Then back at the house by 5:30 to start cooking. NOT our ideal vacation! We did a lot of fun things, but I felt most of the time was spent sitting around just WAITING. We had a few issues with a controlling member of the family trying to run things as well. I am glad we had the chance for the whole family to get together for my parent's sake-they had never been out of the country or had an extended family vacation. But we can't wait to go back and see and do all the things we missed. And I don't think we will be traveling with that many people again in a rental house.

[L2DB]

We've done this the past 3 years or so. My in-laws paid for it all (which is great) and it's them, my wife and I, our 2 kids (3 yo and now 4 mo) my wife's sister and her husband and their son (1.5 yo).

Hotels are hard because kids going to sleep at a normal bedtime (7:30 to 9 or whatever) basically force the parent/someone to be in the room with them. Suites are a little better, but not great. Because of this, we've always ended up doing beach houses. The beach right there is a standard default activity and the house (if right on the beach) is close enough to go in and out easily for snacks, naps, meals, a break from the beach, etc.

Where we've struggled is in coordinating activities and schedules. That's partially due to having kids of different ages, but also because of different vacation preferences. My FIL will happily go down to the beach in the morning, come back to the house for lunch, go back to the beach in the afternoon and rinse/repeat for the whole week. My wife and I like to do some other things off the beach (aquariums, boardwalks, etc.) My sister and her husband like to go out and have drinks at a beach bar (w/o kids, LDO). You have to be willing to do your own thing, be responsible for your kids first and foremost, and then try to help out with other kids, do things as a group, etc. (As the grandparents, you've got it the easiest. You do whatever you want and whatever help you can give with watching the kids and giving their parents a break will be very much appreciated.)

Edit: The hardest balancing point is perhaps at night after the kids are asleep. At that point, everyone feels free to do whatever, but if whatever is not something at the house, then at least one person ends up staying at the house because of the kids and everyone else goes to get drinks, go to a movie, whatever. Make sure to rotate this person out or that they're okay with this (i.e. natural introverts may want time away from everyone else to just relax and watch TV).

[Chava61]

A cruise is a good idea for a multi-generational vacation as they have activities for all different age groups.