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I've just never heard of it as a custom that is all. It would have meant three or four times the amount of people as we did have at the rehearsal dinner. When you are potentially looking at that many people(maybe 3/4 of potential wedding guests), there weren't that many venues that were cheap to host such a gathering.
Or you can pack all of the wedding party, out of town guests, and close relatives into the grooms tiny apartment after the rehearsal and the future MIL makes sure that everyone has beer or soda to drink and the future FIL bakes lots and lots of pizzas. Great fun and low cost. At least it was when we did it 37 years ago the night before our wedding.
And then you'd have people complaining that after a long day of travel they can't even rest. That they are forced into cramped quarters to eat pizza and drink beer with people they don't know. You can't win. Do what you want.
Or you can pack all of the wedding party, out of town guests, and close relatives into the grooms tiny apartment after the rehearsal and the future MIL makes sure that everyone has beer or soda to drink and the future FIL bakes lots and lots of pizzas. Great fun and low cost. At least it was when we did it 37 years ago the night before our wedding.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom
And then you'd have people complaining that after a long day of travel they can't even rest. That they are forced into cramped quarters to eat pizza and drink beer with people they don't know. You can't win. Do what you want.
Touche'
In our case no one complained, and most of the people know at least a few other people know many people, and everyone had a lot of fun. It was a short party , just an hour and half or two hours so people could get to bed early.
Daughter got married in December and son getting married in two weeks. We included out of towners to the rehearsal dinner for both. With that being said, that only meant about 10 extra people so it wasn't a big issue. I think it's a nice thing to do if you can, but certainly not necessary.
Asking for the reward points is beyond tacky though. Heard another one recently where someone was a guest at a great nephew's wedding and they were asked to help pay for the brunch the day after. Again, tacky
1) If you're coming in from out of town and you'd prefer to do something else, you're NOT obligated to attend the rehearsal dinner. If you're invited to the rehearsal dinner, it's out of courtesy and you're under NO obligation to attend. Don't want to go?? DON'T GO!
2) If you have 100 people coming in from out of town and you feel that you should invite them to the rehearsal dinner, but don't want to spend $$$$$$$ to do so, then have a bbq at your house, have a pizza party, whatever. It doesn't need to rival the wedding reception. You do whatever works best for you and your budget.
3) There's nothing on the books that says you're OBLIGATED to invite out of town guests for the rehearsal dinner. If you have your heart set on the rehearsal dinner being at the swankiest place in town and find out that 100 of the guests are coming in from out of town . . . too bad. Let them find their own food that evening. You don't HAVE to invite them.
We live on the west coast. The bride's family lives on the east coast. DIL's mother asked me very politely if it were possible to have their family members come to the rehearsal dinner, as she had no idea what to do with them that night while we were all going to be at the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner. In fact, she even offered to pay for them. I told her we would take care of it - and then, because I had the bride's family coming to the rehearsal dinner, I felt like I should ask our own out of town family members to attend as well. Upshot? We ended up with about 60 people at the rehearsal dinner. We had a blast and totally enjoyed the evening. I wouldn't change a thing.
Okay, and I agree - reward points? Totally and completely tacky. I'd probably make it a point NOT to use them.
In my area (Midwest) it is customary to include out-of-town guests at the rehearsal dinner. Usually they have come some distance, know no one and are unfamiliar with the area. At the last out-of-town wedding we attended (in the south) we were also included at the rehearsal dinner.
No, you should not. People from out of town, should not expect to attend the rehearsal dinner. Traditionally, the dinner is for immediate family, and the wedding party. Good grief, if you decide to attend an out of town wedding, make sure you have enough money to feed yourself should you decide to arrive a day/s before the wedding. Especially since most of your guests are from out of town.
No, you should not. People from out of town, should not expect to attend the rehearsal dinner. Traditionally, the dinner is for immediate family, and the wedding party. Good grief, if you decide to attend an out of town wedding, make sure you have enough money to feed yourself should you decide to arrive a day/s before the wedding. Especially since most of your guests are from out of town.
I agree with this. Who expects the bride and groom to feed them just because they're from out of town? Bizarre mindset to say the least. You agree to travel, you should make sure you can manage your own needs.
One month before my wedding, I moved from my home state to the state my husband lived in (and his home state). We had a 325 guest wedding and my ENTIRE family came from out of state (with the exception of 5 who already lived in the same state I lived in now). For us to invite every out of town guest to the rehearsal dinner would mean that we were having a second wedding reception. What we did was stated to everyone who asked was there will be a rehearsal dinner and we were paying for the wedding party and immediate family ONLY. If people wanted to attend to mingle or say hi, feel free but please be prepared to pay for your own meal. Funny enough, no one had a problem with it.
I personally think that an invitation to any wedding isn't a mandate to come. You have the option of not going if you're going to complain about the cost involved. Send a gift and your condolences for not being able to attend. People understand. If you're going to show up, don't complain because they don't roll out the red carpet for you. The day is about the bride and groom. Honestly, they'd still be just as married if you had stayed home.
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