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I would love to have a nice ring, but I would love more to have someone I love and want to spend my life with. The older I get the more I'm changing my mind and thinking I would be okay with a plain band just to meet the love of my life. I think your girlfriend should definitely understand you want to get engaged, but with the baby and other expenses it isn't smart to spend so much on a ring. Like you said, you can always get her something nicer later, but really it isn't the ring that matters.
I hope you meet someone wonderful soon. Sounds like you have the right attitude to have a great marriage and happy life!
The cost of the ring shouldn't matter. If it does, my best advise is to not bother giving her any and run as fast as you can and don't look back!!
I agree. She's not like that though. If all I could afford was a $50 piece of fashion jewelry, she would take that. The thing is that I can afford more. I make about $100k / year, live in an average COL area now, and am OK with money management. It's just a timing thing. Any money spent on the ring does not go towards the down payment, which took a sizeable hit when we moved earlier this year.
Also, I should mention that she has 8 siblings, 3 of which are married, and they're all competitive over materialistic things (including the spouses). They try to outdo each other with the best clothing at Christmas dinner, etc. She's different (as am I), but I don't want her to be embarrassed either.
Yes, you can buy a "placeholder" ring and upgrade later if you want. Then she can be in on the process.
I feel the need to add, however, that I would WAIT to buy a house until AFTER the baby is here, even a year after, so you can know exactly what you need. Interest rates aren't going to skyrocket anytime soon, and plenty of babies have lived in apartments. But you guys have a LOT going on, and it would be a shame to make a less-than-informed decision under a self-imposed deadline.
Why does she have no income??
Thank you for the advice I won't make a poorly informed decision just to meet a (somewhat) arbitrary deadline though. I'm just not that type of person. Buying a house is something that I've really wanted for several years now, baby or no; and I disagree that the cost of the purchase won't go up a lot in even a year's time. The feds just stopped QE3 and may not implement another economy boosting measure. Mortgages have already started going up a bit. Additionally, the area that we live was hit really hard by the housing crisis but has been rebounding substantially the last year or two (at least from my own observation). I could easily see a house that costs $280k now going for $300k in a year with a mortgage rate 0.5-1% higher. That adds up.
The no income is a long story, but the short version is that she went back to school when we moved to become a licensed massage therapist. She just graduated in August (and is really good), but she's just getting her career going. She has a regular job, but it doesn't pay too well. She's starting her own business too, but it will be a little while until she has a steady stream of regular clientele, especially with everything else going on.
I'm considering getting an engagement ring that is less than what she (and I) would like, and upgrading it in the near future. I'm considering:
1) A small diamond (1/2 carat or so). Maybe adding another small one the next year, and then the year after make a 3-stone ring with both those diamonds and a 1 carat or so in the middle.
2) A moissonite / amora / other fake diamond of about 1 carat and replacing it with a real one of the same size in about a year.
3) A sapphire ring. She loves the color blue, and it happens to be her birthstone as well. I could then use the stone alongside a diamond in the future, either with another saphire beside it, or my birthstone.
Ladies, what would you think if your boyfriend proposed to you with one of these scenarios? I know it's more about what she thinks, but she's hard to read. She's outright said that it's the commitment and stability that matter the most to her, but she often feels differently than what she says. Not even her siblings or parents can figure her out most of the time (going down that road already got me in trouble in the past).
*Background as to why I'm considering this*
I love my girlfriend very much and want to spend the rest of my life with her. I know she feels the same way about me as well because she made that known in a very unsubtle way. I'd like to propose before Christmas. Now here's where the hard part (for me) comes in: we recently found out that she's pregnant , and we've also decided that the area we moved to in January is one that we'd like to stay in permanently. So we'd like to buy a house before the interest rates and housing prices increase much higher - that was the plan when we moved here in the first place - and also before the baby comes (I can't imagine the nightmare of moving with a newborn).
So that's 3 major expenses coming up in a very short time, not to mention Christmas, which involves over $1k of travel expenses on top of the gifts. She has no real income to speak of right now, so everything comes entirely out of my pocket. Additionally, I'm trying to get my credit score as high as I can so that I can get the best mortgage possible (it's around 750 right now). I could buy her the ring I want, but either the money would come out of the house down payment, or it would impact my credit rating.
I feel bad about skimping on anything. I have some reasonable savings, but don't think that I can go full-board on a $7000 engagement ring, plus a down-payment (and other associated costs) on a $280k house, plus pay for the birth of a child (and other associated costs) in a handful of months
If you are marrying the right woman she is capable of seeing the bigger picture here and will be happy with whatever ring you buy her
And FYI, you can get a heck of a nice ring for under $2000.
You can always upgrade to a more expensive ring for your 10th anniversary.
A ring is about what it symbolizes, not how much you spent.
I equate a large ring with a large truck...what are you compensating for?
hahaha
1c isn't really that large. It's not small, but I wouldn't say it's ridiculously big either
Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlikeme
A beautiful ring does NOT have to be $7000. Mine cost about $1200 including the lifetime warrantee. It would concern me that people equate money spent on an item with how much love the giver has for the recipient.
Now, I don't know your intended, but I would say - if she wants a diamond stone, moissanite, amora, or sapphire will not do. In that scenario, I would get something that is diamond, but has a pretty setting to it.
To be clear, she never picked out any $7k rings or anything. That was my doing from browsing rings online, etc. and finding the ones that I'd like to get her that were at a price that I could afford (at least sans house). I totally agree with the statement about equating money spent, however I'd like to point out that even you mentioned that one of the things that touched you was that he had to save for months to afford it. Buying a $1000 ring would be spending roughly what I was able to save in any given month for the last couple years (except this one due to moving expenses). In other words, not a lot of effort to save.
She's never mentioned anything as far as the actual stone. I expect she wants a diamond due to the symbolism (thank you heavy marketing... ). That kind of thing means a lot to her, so I probably won't deviate, but she might appreciate the sapphire as well due to her heavy favoritism towards the color blue and it being her birthstone. The rings I really wanted to get her actually had both sapphires and a diamond, which is what gave me the idea of working toward that.
That's good to know. I'm not sure how much it will affect my decision though. It's more about the likelihood of her agreeing with my prioritization of how the money's spent.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie
Are you determined to surprise you intended OP?
Yes I am. There's some background behind this that I don't want to get into, but I feel that it's somewhat important that I do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by houstan-dan
I would propose to my gf right now if I wanted to buy a $1500 ring. But I don't.
...I would talk this over with your fiance, and get a feel for her perception...
If I have no problem dropping $8000 on modifications for my truck, buying a $12000 motorcycle, should I really be ok just skimping on a ring when I spend all that money on other things for myself? Seems a bit selfish to me.
...Personally, I don't want to look at her finger for the next 50 years and think "boy, I sure skimped out on that, glad I saved on that ring so I could buy that snowmobile that lasted 4 years."
That's pretty much how I feel. The only difference is that I don't spend large chunks of money on toys for myself. I do have 2 cards, but both were > 10 years old when I bought them for a total of $20,000. I've been putting off getting some repairs and a new paintjob on my good one for years to save more towards the house. I didn't even spring the couple hundred for a game system when we moved earlier this year because I was saving. She did eventually buy me one in August, but I made sure it was a PS3, not 4.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkydapimp
I probably wouldnt do it after a year though. Wait until you could go up to 1 carat at least.
Sidenote: i wouldnt rush to buy a house just because the rates are low. Now if you have the money to do so and it works out financially, then great. But buying now just because the rates are low isnt a great reason to buy and could be a detriment in many cases.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari
Also, if you don't have the money for it now, I am not sure how if in a year and a baby later you will. That is something to think about.
I could probably afford a carat in a year. That would depend somewhat on the baby expenses and her income though.
You both give good advice, but I have the financial means to make the purchase. I wouldn't do so otherwise. The issue here is the timing and its impacts on the house. I either pay for the whole ring at once, which reduces the money available for the down payment by a noticeable amount, or I put it on credit, which may impact my credit score enough to knock me into the second or third tier of mortgage rates. After I've got my mortgage, I don't mind too much if my credit takes a minor hit. Additionally, there are several payments (roughly $1000 / month) that will be disappearing in the next couple of months, freeing up that income as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dmk31088
Just don't buy a house with her until you're married. I'm all for love and all that jazz, but I'm also realistic.
Understood. The house / purchase is being done entirely in my name, and entirely with my income. Aside from the reasons you mention, she'd have to be qualified for the mortgage, and her lack of credit history and income might cause annoying problems. This also allows us to use all of her income as bonus saving & spending money.
Honestly if your girlfriend had the nerve to be upset about a small engagement ring with the birth of a new baby looming on the horizon, I'd rethink marrying her.
For what it's worth, I have a large engagement ring (4 carats) and I never wear it because it's too big and snags on everything. Most of the time it sits in the safe.
If I were your girlfriend, I would forego an engagement ring altogether and just do a diamond wedding band until you can afford to buy something later down the road.
I agree. She's not like that though. If all I could afford was a $50 piece of fashion jewelry, she would take that. The thing is that I can afford more. I make about $100k / year, live in an average COL area now, and am OK with money management. It's just a timing thing. Any money spent on the ring does not go towards the down payment, which took a sizeable hit when we moved earlier this year.
Also, I should mention that she has 8 siblings, 3 of which are married, and they're all competitive over materialistic things (including the spouses). They try to outdo each other with the best clothing at Christmas dinner, etc. She's different (as am I), but I don't want her to be embarrassed either.
This is the reason i wanted to get something nice. Most girls i think would be cool with what you give them and i knew my fiance would love anything i gave her. But the reality is from the minute they get it they will be comparing rings with every girl they see. And you don't want her feeling self conscious about the ring.
Still you can find something really nice in your price range.
For example here is a nice stone and its .95 carat, excellent cut H color SI1 and under 5k. So there are plenty of options in your price range. if you go .75 carats you should be able to find something even cheaper.
It almost sounds as if the amount of money spent on an engagement ring is indicative of the value of the occasion and the relationship. Seems like a typically screwed up consumerist twist to what should be deep personal commitment, IMO. I would have thought that an engagement ring is simply emblematic of your pledge to each other, rather than a blockbuster show-off acquisition.
I am frequently amused at what "traditions" people find important (diamond engagement rings) and what "traditions" are no longer important (having babies before marriage) - I am not a being critical - just amused.
Will your bride be wearing white to the wedding as well?
I would go with the birthstone ring for the "engagement" ring. Never "upgrade" to diamond - it is a waste of precious financial resources for a couple who will soon be a "family".
For your 25th Anniversary - after your kid graduates from the college you saved for the next 18 years for - you can make a gift of a Silver Anniversary Diamond ring - should you still think that is important.
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I won't make a poorly informed decision just to meet a (somewhat) arbitrary deadline though. I'm just not that type of person. Buying a house is something that I've really wanted for several years now, baby or no; and I disagree that the cost of the purchase won't go up a lot in even a year's time. The feds just stopped QE3 and may not implement another economy boosting measure. Mortgages have already started going up a bit. Additionally, the area that we live was hit really hard by the housing crisis but has been rebounding substantially the last year or two (at least from my own observation). I could easily see a house that costs $280k now going for $300k in a year with a mortgage rate 0.5-1% higher. That adds up.
, and we've also decided that the area we moved to in January is one that we'd like to stay in permanently. So we'd like to buy a house before the interest rates and housing prices increase much higher - that was the plan when we moved here in the first place - and also before the baby comes (I can't imagine the nightmare of moving with a newborn).
). That kind of thing means a lot to her, so I probably won't deviate, but she might appreciate the sapphire as well due to her heavy favoritism towards the color blue and it being her birthstone. The rings I really wanted to get her actually had both sapphires and a diamond, which is what gave me the idea of working toward that.
