Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
What does competing with the siblings have to do with getting her an engagement ring, though? Isn't it a little silly at this stage in the game to be competing with siblings over who has what? Aren't you then partly feeding into this by saying what you can afford now isn't good enough or that she should take her ring and then compare it to her siblings' rings? (In fact, in my family, there might be a little more judgment over one of these things is happening out of order than an engagement ring though probably more from the older members)
You can either a.) wait and buy her what you want (but kids/homes/weddings are expensive as well) or b.) get her something you can afford now to show her you want to make the commitment now.
None of us can tell you the right answer to that other than it really should be about the symbol of your commitment to her and the kid than it is about the $, size, etc.
This is the reason i wanted to get something nice. Most girls i think would be cool with what you give them and i knew my fiance would love anything i gave her. But the reality is from the minute they get it they will be comparing rings with every girl they see. And you don't want her feeling self conscious about the ring.
Still you can find something really nice in your price range.
For example here is a nice stone and its .95 carat, excellent cut H color SI1 and under 5k. So there are plenty of options in your price range. if you go .75 carats you should be able to find something even cheaper.
I tend to agree with this.
Except for one friend, most people I know have rings that are 1 carat or less. I think mine is .85 carats and on my finger, it looks huge. Finger size will matter in relation to the size of stone, thickness of band, etc.
And don't forget, the quality of a ring is not dependent on size but cut, color and clarity. A 'perfect' .5 carat diamond will cost more than a more "flawed" larger diamond if it has visible inclusions, has a yellow tinge. Mine cost more because it's a Canadian-mined diamond so there is also that to take into consideration.
I'm not a fan of buying cheap and upgrading. Maybe be more realistic about what you truly feel you need to spend on a ring (i.e. $3,000 instead of $9,000) but I would give what you want to give and not feel you have to make up for it down the road.
If she really loves you and wants to marry you she will be thrilled with whatever you get her. My husband used my grandmother's diamond (which is small) & customized it with a new setting & 2 small blue stones on either side. We then used my other grandmothers' wedding band diamonds as my wedding ring. It's very sentimental to me and I don't care that it's small.
Now, my sister on the other hand, basically REQUIRED a giant rock. She flat out told my mother she didn't want my grandmother's diamond. But she was clear about this & her husband knew this going into it. It sounds to me that your girlfriend is not like my sister
What does competing with the siblings have to do with getting her an engagement ring, though? Isn't it a little silly at this stage in the game to be competing with siblings over who has what? Aren't you then partly feeding into this ...
You can either a.) wait and buy her what you want (but kids/homes/weddings are expensive as well) or b.) get her something you can afford now to show her you want to make the commitment now.
None of us can tell you the right answer to that other than it really should be about the symbol of your commitment to her and the kid than it is about the $, size, etc.
I know there isn't a "right" answer. That's why I was asking for opinions on how different people would feel
I feel the same as you about the competition thing being silly. For that matter, my girlfriend does as well (though she enjoys seeing the people dressed up nice, etc.). However, let's be realistic here. As pinkydapimp said, she IS going to be showing it to her friends and family; they WILL judge it, even if subconsciously; and people WILL be seeing it for the rest of her life. How would she feel if her sisters and brothers make comments like "That's it? Your husband makes that much and that's all he gets you?" What if they keep making those comments, raising eyebrows, etc.? That will obviously make her feel bad.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
...Finger size will matter in relation to the size of stone, thickness of band, etc.
And don't forget, the quality of a ring is not dependent on size but cut, color and clarity...
I'm aware of the 4 Cs & quality vs. size. I already did a lot of research about this She does have thin fingers. Her ring finger is about the diameter of my pinky (size 6), so that will help me out some.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
I'm not a fan of buying cheap and upgrading. Maybe be more realistic about what you truly feel you need to spend on a ring (i.e. $3,000 instead of $9,000) but I would give what you want to give and not feel you have to make up for it down the road.
Thank you for being one of the few to directly answer the question
Again though, it's not about what I can afford as much as it is about the distribution of the money. $1k, $3k, $5k, $7k, whatever. I have the money for it. The problem is that it comes directly out of the down payment, which takes me that much further from the coveted 20% equity mark needed to get rid of PMI. Also, if the purchase is made before the purchase of the home, it will affect my mortgage credit score, because it will either be that much more on credit or that much less in my accounts. Although, I did find out yesterday that my mortgage score is sitting at 770 so that may not be as important as I previously thought.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jrsydevil82
If she really loves you and wants to marry you she will be thrilled with whatever you get her. My husband used my grandmother's diamond (which is small) & customized it with a new setting & 2 small blue stones on either side...
...Congrats on the baby!
As stated, she will be happy with whatever I give her. It's a combination of my not wanting to be cheap with her and how it will look to everyone else when she inevitably compares it to her friends and family. She takes family very seriously, and getting negative comments would hurt her a lot. Unfortunately, I checked and there is no jewelry from my grandparents that I can use for this. Also, while being very sentimental, she likes things being new, in modern styles, etc.
Thank you for the congratulations. We're both excited!
How would she feel if her sisters and brothers make comments like "That's it? Your husband makes that much and that's all he gets you?" What if they keep making those comments, raising eyebrows, etc.?
Please tell me they would not actually say things like this ^^^.
Thank you for being one of the few to directly answer the question
Again though, it's not about what I can afford as much as it is about the distribution of the money. $1k, $3k, $5k, $7k, whatever. I have the money for it. The problem is that it comes directly out of the down payment, which takes me that much further from the coveted 20% equity mark needed to get rid of PMI. Also, if the purchase is made before the purchase of the home, it will affect my mortgage credit score, because it will either be that much more on credit or that much less in my accounts. Although, I did find out yesterday that my mortgage score is sitting at 770 so that may not be as important as I previously thought.
I wouldn't jeopardize your credit score or have less than the 20% you want. Is there an urgency to wanting to propose earlier, rather than after you get the house and have saved up for the amount you want to spend on a ring?
Please tell me they would not actually say things like this ^^^.
Or is this just your fear??
Honestly - I feel like this is more about his ego than it is about what anyone else would say. Once you get older, you stop caring so much about what other people think and care more about what YOU think.
If you're buying a home for a life together, paying the majority of her expenses, and preparing for to have a kid, couldn't she also just say that to her friends/siblings if they are tacky enough to say anything? Honestly, I am sure that there will be more sincere congratulations than the reaction you're creating in your mind.
That being said - my siblings said nothing about my $1200 engagement ring other than my brother admitted he liked mine better than the one he gave his wife even though he spent a lot more. My friends also did not compare rings/any of that. We have a relationship built on mutual respect, support, and encouragement.
And FYI, you can get a heck of a nice ring for under $2000.
With a real diamond? I haven't seen one unless you're talking 1/4 carat or a modified one...
Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkydapimp
This is the reason i wanted to get something nice. Most girls i think would be cool with what you give them and i knew my fiance would love anything i gave her. But the reality is from the minute they get it they will be comparing rings with every girl they see. And you don't want her feeling self conscious about the ring.
Still you can find something really nice in your price range.
For example here is a nice stone and its .95 carat, excellent cut H color SI1 and under 5k. So there are plenty of options in your price range. if you go .75 carats you should be able to find something even cheaper.
That's pretty much how I feel exactly. Also, those are the kinds of stones I was looking at. However, you take a $5k stone, throw on a $2k band and voila, you're at the $7k I was talking about. 3/4 carat knocks it down to roughly $3.5k, so you're still looking at a $5k ring.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kevxu
It almost sounds as if the amount of money spent on an engagement ring is indicative of the value of the occasion and the relationship. Seems like a typically screwed up consumerist twist to what should be deep personal commitment, IMO. I would have thought that an engagement ring is simply emblematic of your pledge to each other, rather than a blockbuster show-off acquisition.
I totally agree with you. However, people here in the US have bought into the diamond engagement ring marketing hype so much that even if you feel differently, there's no way to avoid the stigma associated with getting an "inferior" ring. Now, if you truly want a different or small stone that's ok, but you have to articulate it, and with passion to all the people that will inevitably ask. She hasn't said anything about wanting a different stone, fake diamond, or bucking tradition.
I am frequently amused at what "traditions" people find important (diamond engagement rings) and what "traditions" are no longer important (having babies before marriage) - I am not a being critical - just amused.
Will your bride be wearing white to the wedding as well?
I would go with the birthstone ring for the "engagement" ring. Never "upgrade" to diamond - it is a waste of precious financial resources for a couple who will soon be a "family".
For your 25th Anniversary - after your kid graduates from the college you saved for the next 18 years for - you can make a gift of a Silver Anniversary Diamond ring - should you still think that is important.
Thank you for the direct answer
I find it amusing / frustrating that any of these (and many others) are traditions in the first place. I somewhat agree with the marriage before baby part because there should be a solid commitment to raising the child together as a family. I would have preferred both a house and marriage before the baby but that wasn't how things happened, and I'm not going to spend one minute worrying needlessly about doing things in a different order. Instead, I'm going to focus on doing what's right for my family.
Oh, and as far as I'm concerned, she can wear any color she wants for her wedding. I don't care if it's angel-white or lime green. She'll look beautiful either way, and the color of her clothing doesn't change who she is in the eyes of God or myself. Talk about a stupid tradition! Wearing white to signify purity / virginity is absolutely no better than wearing the strongest gem to signify the strength of one's commitment.
If she loves blue you could go with the softer blue of an aquamarine ring. I wanted an aquamarine because it has some color, but isn't super bold. From a distance people probably don't even realize it's a different color.
I love my ring. It is similar to this one:
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
She does have thin fingers. Her ring finger is about the diameter of my pinky (size 6), so that will help me out some.
