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Thanks for this! This is wonderful advice also! I probably should have mentioned that her and the brownnoser in the office are alum of the same school! So that helps her cause a lot!
One last thing I will add is, yes, brownnosing makes your co-workers despise you because they can see right through it, but why can't management see this?!
It's possible that your "brown-noser" may not be one at all; just someone who has already formed that bond and relationship (luckily for them they are alums of the same school). But, if they are actually "brown-nosing", management puts up with it for a few reasons (not necessarily valid ones):
1) People like to be told they are great. Brown-nosers tend to provide that validation.
2) It's much easier to give a good project to the person in your office who is, essentially, demanding it.
I cannot stand brown-nosers and am thankful I do not have any for employees. But, I certainly noticed that I tended to be "closer" to my employees who possessed common interests with me. I found that I was a better manager (easier to praise, easier to provide constructive criticism) because we were friends. I wanted that same sort of relationship with all of my employees. Since getting that advice, my relationship with all of the employees (well, one I'm still working on) has gotten much better.
People who get ahead at work just have a natural charisma, and good looks helps too.
Basically, the things that help you win friends and be popular socially will help you at work: making people feel like what they say matters, but being able to entertain them as well.
Being a boring, yes-man, toadstool and just nodding your head at every the boss says won't get it done. It might get you some extra work, but it won't earn the respect of the whole office and get you promotions.
I agree with the above. But I'm sure many people have pretended to be something they are not at one time or another. I'd rather pretend to get along with her, than add tension to an already uncomfortable situation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by spencgr
Since getting that advice, my relationship with all of the employees (well, one I'm still working on) has gotten much better.
Can you talk to my boss for me?
This is the first time she is managing a group, so I'm sure she could use the advice.
Sometime people just do not click. Brown nosing will not change that. But if you want to brown nose you just need to turn to a few psychology books that tell you how to deal with narcissist. In same cases you should do the opposite of what they advise, though. Whether your boss is a narcissist or not doesn't matter. The techniques can be used on anyone, really.
You can just be a nice person and not be a complete brown noser. The key to any good relationship in a working environment is being able to chat people up. Remember their names and lame facts about them that you can bring up in a later conversation (Susie has kids who play soccer, "hey Suze how are the kids doing in soccer this year") works WONDERS. People love when you remember small things about them.
I've come to recognize that I am of the minority in my beliefs, but here is how I view management. As a manager/ leader of a person/ group, my role and responsibilities are:
1) Train my employees so they can do their job effectively. If something goes wrong, it is usually because I haven't trained them right. (I always defend my employees to others, even if I may need to discuss poor actions with them personally.)
2) Provide them development opportunities so they can grow in their current job, or another future job.
3) Remove any obstacles or hurdles that may be in the way for them to do their job effectively.
You said your boss makes faces when you ask questions. That sounds terribly rude and intolerant. Can you give some examples of the questions you ask and how you ask them? Is she thinking they're stupid? Maybe there's a different way you can present these questions.
Okay - so I know everyone hates a "brownnoser", but apparently they get all the perks at work. I just started a new position in June and I like the job, but my boss is a bit snappy and rude at times. And when I ask questions, she makes faces at me like I am the dumbest person alive!
Anyways, 3 other analysts started when I did, and one is a very big "brownnoser". But she gets all of the best projects and is always in our bosses office. Whenever I ask a question, even if I genuinely don't know or can't find the answer, I feel as though I shouldn't have asked - by her response or her facial expression.
I'm trying to establish a relationship here - but she makes it pretty darn hard to do so. I've basically cut back talking to her and even sometimes avoid her. I know I shouldn't, but she makes me feel very uncomfortable.
It was suggested that I talk to her about how I feel - but it may be a little soon to be causing so much "trouble". And despite her reactions to my questions, she always tells me that I should always ask her questions! It's quite frustrating, to say the least!
I haven't even talked to her since last week - I sent her one question this week, to which she responded with a one sentence response, no greeting or anything. I think she's basically written me off, and it's making me dislike being in the office and unmotivated to do my work.
With all of that being said, what are some subtle ways that I can put my pride aside, quit being embarrassed and I guess, "brownnose"...but subtly! I'm a very quiet person. I can't just all of a sudden be loud and obnoxious, it will look extremely fake.
I was never into self-help books, thinking they are usually cheesy/corny/whatever and "for other people".
But this classic is actually not bad: How to Win Friends and Influence People - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
It is more than 75 years old is being (updated and) printed again and again.
Sure, some of the points seem obvious. But it is really easy to read and actually reading the explanations and real-life examples in the chapters makes you understand and wanting to try it in your own personal and professinal life.
Some of the advice in this thread is also related to certain points in the book.
Don't brown nose, just do your job well. Quality work that you produce will reflect positively on your boss and she will begin to value you more and more as the "backbone" of your agency. That, combined with the fact that you never kissed her ass will make her realize your value as an employee, and also respect you as a person for having never bowed down to her. Brown nosers make temporarily get some "perks", but ultimately they are never respected.
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