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Okay - so I know everyone hates a "brownnoser", but apparently they get all the perks at work. I just started a new position in June and I like the job, but my boss is a bit snappy and rude at times. And when I ask questions, she makes faces at me like I am the dumbest person alive!
Anyways, 3 other analysts started when I did, and one is a very big "brownnoser". But she gets all of the best projects and is always in our bosses office. Whenever I ask a question, even if I genuinely don't know or can't find the answer, I feel as though I shouldn't have asked - by her response or her facial expression.
I'm trying to establish a relationship here - but she makes it pretty darn hard to do so. I've basically cut back talking to her and even sometimes avoid her. I know I shouldn't, but she makes me feel very uncomfortable.
It was suggested that I talk to her about how I feel - but it may be a little soon to be causing so much "trouble". And despite her reactions to my questions, she always tells me that I should always ask her questions! It's quite frustrating, to say the least!
I haven't even talked to her since last week - I sent her one question this week, to which she responded with a one sentence response, no greeting or anything. I think she's basically written me off, and it's making me dislike being in the office and unmotivated to do my work.
With all of that being said, what are some subtle ways that I can put my pride aside, quit being embarrassed and I guess, "brownnose"...but subtly! I'm a very quiet person. I can't just all of a sudden be loud and obnoxious, it will look extremely fake.
First, DO NOT attempt to brown-nose. It is a disgusting behavior and you will lose the respect of your peers.
Second, you must establish a good relationship with your manager (and anyone else you work with). I received some very helpful advice once regarding building relationships. Find at least one thing that you two have in common. This can be kids, dogs, running, born in Florida, love of penguins, love of the Penguins; essentially anything that can match you two. Next time you are in her office, look around. Can you find anything?
Once you find that thing, that is what you should lead with when starting conversations. Since you both enjoy this topic, it should be a fun, fluid, real conversation; not something a brown-noser would have. Then you can go into a work question. You will find the questions will be much better received because you've just had a brief, pleasant, "non-work" conversation.
Do not attempt to force a conversation with a topic you don't care about, but she does. (This is what brown-nosers typically do.) If you really don't care about her kids; don't ask her about them. Your feigned interest will come off as phony. You have to find something that interests you both.
When you find it, you'll find a vast improvement in the relationship.
Do not attempt to force a conversation with a topic you don't care about, but she does. (This is what brown-nosers typically do.) If you really don't care about her kids; don't ask her about them. Your feigned interest will come off as phony. You have to find something that interests you both.
When you find it, you'll find a vast improvement in the relationship.
Thanks for this! This is wonderful advice also! I probably should have mentioned that her and the brownnoser in the office are alum of the same school! So that helps her cause a lot!
Hmmm...
She doesn't really have anything in her office, but we do have a directory with mini bio's in our office, I will read hers again and see if anything strikes a chord.
One last thing I will add is, yes, brownnosing makes your co-workers despise you because they can see right through it, but why can't management see this?!
People who get ahead at work just have a natural charisma, and good looks helps too.
Basically, the things that help you win friends and be popular socially will help you at work: making people feel like what they say matters, but being able to entertain them as well.
Being a boring, yes-man, toadstool and just nodding your head at every the boss says won't get it done. It might get you some extra work, but it won't earn the respect of the whole office and get you promotions.
I like how when people work and try harder at their jobs, so many view it as brown-nosing.
They seek to emulate some fictional behavior rather than the work ethic and spirit of cooperation/teamwork.
Hilarious.
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