This is why your coworkers aren't your friends

[lovely40]

I'm firm about not seeking friends at work. A couple of happy hours or lunch n awhile doesn't mean we're friends. Once I leave a job, it's a done deal. However, if someone reaches out to me for a peer reference, I'm more than willing to help them out. And I would hope they'd do the same for me. We don't have to be "friends". Yet, a working relationship where we speak to each others' strengths and weaknesses is fine. In fact, I haven't had a "friend" since kindergarten. Get over the friend thing and the world will be a better place.

[Parnassia]

Funny things can happen. There is an admin officer from a previous workplace who has become more of a friend now that we no longer work together. The relationship between our two positions created constraints...it would have been awkward for us to discuss some topics as coworkers, but now that we don't have those constraints we enjoy this new friendship. We talk by phone quite often, laugh or poke fun at the same things, share viewpoints about our professions, the organization we worked for, our former coworkers, and have quite a few non-work interests in common. Neither of us have anything to gain or lose. We never would have met outside that workplace. Guess the bottom line for me is, you never know where a friend will crop up. Its up to you whether to open the door or not.

[treemoni]

Aawww, don't be that way, lovely. Maybe if people cared more about their personal relationships, the world would be a better place. Love just isn't found in families. And it's not a given that you'll even experience love within your family (which is the foundation from which maladaptivity grows. ) The best romantic partnerships are generally built on a strong foundation of friendship. Friendship is important. Honestly, I think all this negativity regarding workplace relationships is a reflection of today's workplace and time. My parents, aunts and uncles always had work friends around when I was younger.

All that being said...I still agree with the overall point of the thread that you shouldn't look for friends at work. It's sad all the same.

[RubyDee]

This is very common. They are called work friends. Once they don't work together anymore the person moves on. There are people who I was friendly with when we worked together but once we no longer worked together I didn't keep in touch.