RE: Reply here if you are not a fan of having "SMALL TALK"
Posted 03-30-2015 at 04:55 PM by Blondebaerde
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnthonyJ34
More often than not I don't feel like engaging in small talk, but I often do simply to appear friendly and polite. For me, it takes a lot of effort to engage in much of the expected, trivial, superficial social banter that seems to be expected in many day-to-day social interactions.
But I realize the importance of this 'social lubrication' of which you speak: it greases human interaction and helps to keep things civil, pleasant, courteous, etc.
But it does feel like work to me. I am naturally introverted and on the reserved side, so I generally have nothing to say or don't feel like engaging in conversation even when I have something to say. So, I break out my numerous social masks and don them accordingly; I basically pretend to be many things to many different people -- and I don't think I have much choice, unless I want to live as a hermit or be seen as rude, cold, snobbish, etc. And yes, I do care what other people think of me (to a point), and I think most people do; caring what other people think about us automatically puts our behaviors in check.
But I realize the importance of this 'social lubrication' of which you speak: it greases human interaction and helps to keep things civil, pleasant, courteous, etc.
But it does feel like work to me. I am naturally introverted and on the reserved side, so I generally have nothing to say or don't feel like engaging in conversation even when I have something to say. So, I break out my numerous social masks and don them accordingly; I basically pretend to be many things to many different people -- and I don't think I have much choice, unless I want to live as a hermit or be seen as rude, cold, snobbish, etc. And yes, I do care what other people think of me (to a point), and I think most people do; caring what other people think about us automatically puts our behaviors in check.
Thankfully, we don't quite live in a world like that yet. Though the breakdown of social mores in American and other society might be helping contribute to anarchy...never mind, subject for another thread.
Some classic Greek theorist had it figured out what motivates people. My twist on that: three things only, 1) Subjectively rational self-interest 2) Fear 3) Honor.
Assuming that's true, let's forget fear and honor for the moment. That's what police states and armies/groups/cliques/cabals/troikas are for, respectively: fear the State, honor your comrades.
Which leaves subjectively rational self-interest. We work the minimum we must to derive the maximum value we can accept. The "minimum" means minimum energy expenditure. For an Introvert, that means interacting as little as possible with others, to derive maximum value from the transaction (loss of energy is offset by value received). An extrovert would say, I am energized by all transactions and derive more value from some than others, but it is always non-zero. And, n'er the twain shall meet, which is why threads like this spin 'round like tops over and over.
All my interactions with people...100.00%...are a running cost/benefit analysis...also known as "expected value of a decision"... going back to the three precepts I mentioned. Cost if I do something, vs. doing nothing. Doing this, vs. that. Doing a little, vs. a lot. Doing a lot, but gaining hugely larger rewards. That's because dealing with people with game-face, what I might also call false bon homie, is something I've perfected to the point where it can split atoms. As an introvert, I turn on that charm exactly where needed, and no where else, for tangible gain:
- a relationship improves
- a transaction occurs profitable for me, and (preferably) other future business partners, too
- my tribe collectively delivers (something) more-efficiently by the sharing of knowledge.
