Evidently, I'm an aromantic. Yay?
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
I hardly know where to start, so I'll just start by saying, "Wow. It's so much more than what you just described."
I've always been very monogamous. Never "cheated on" anyone. And I love being married to another very monogamous person.
Sure - we have a romantic attraction to each other, if by "romantic" you mean enjoying intimacy together on many levels, from sex to simply leaving a little note for the other person to find or sending the other person a racy email, or buying each other presents, enjoying a date night, etc.
But a long term monogamous relationship is a lot more than that. SO much more. It's the accumulation of shared experiences. It's striving toward the same goals together. It's sharing laughs over silly things that other people wouldn't understand. It's sharing our heartaches and tears together during difficult times. It's the TRUST that the sharing of our most private dreams, fears, joys, hopes, heartaches, etc will not be violated. It's knowing that if we get sick or hurt, that our partner will be there for us. It's realizing the satisfaction that comes from being there for our partner as well.
I've never been bored in my marriage. Ever. Not for one second. Just as you can't relate to someone NOT being bored, I can't relate to being married to someone who bores me. Life is interesting. Loving other people is interesting. Setting and reaching goals is interesting. Building a life together is interesting. Raising kids is interesting. Extended family relationships are interesting. Sharing the joy of grandchildren together is interesting.
Note that I didn't say all of it is always PLEASANT but it's very emotionally satisfying to me to share these experiences with someone I trust completely.
I've always been very monogamous. Never "cheated on" anyone. And I love being married to another very monogamous person.
Sure - we have a romantic attraction to each other, if by "romantic" you mean enjoying intimacy together on many levels, from sex to simply leaving a little note for the other person to find or sending the other person a racy email, or buying each other presents, enjoying a date night, etc.
But a long term monogamous relationship is a lot more than that. SO much more. It's the accumulation of shared experiences. It's striving toward the same goals together. It's sharing laughs over silly things that other people wouldn't understand. It's sharing our heartaches and tears together during difficult times. It's the TRUST that the sharing of our most private dreams, fears, joys, hopes, heartaches, etc will not be violated. It's knowing that if we get sick or hurt, that our partner will be there for us. It's realizing the satisfaction that comes from being there for our partner as well.
I've never been bored in my marriage. Ever. Not for one second. Just as you can't relate to someone NOT being bored, I can't relate to being married to someone who bores me. Life is interesting. Loving other people is interesting. Setting and reaching goals is interesting. Building a life together is interesting. Raising kids is interesting. Extended family relationships are interesting. Sharing the joy of grandchildren together is interesting.
Note that I didn't say all of it is always PLEASANT but it's very emotionally satisfying to me to share these experiences with someone I trust completely.
"Wow," indeed. I, too, hardly know where to start.
- Monogamy seems to be a survival trait that favors female, not male, homo sapiens. I personally believe it is an artificial construction, a stricture to "obey," created by institutions of civilization including but not limited to Christianity, Judaism, and Islam. The concept has a purpose, I simply find "monogamy outside of religious or governmental contract" meaningless.
- Leaving notes, presents, or anything else for another person sounds like 1) intrusion into their life (= disruption of their goals) 2) waste of my time and emotional resources (= wasted effort to achieving my goals). Irrelevant.
- The only person I "trust" to work in Blondebaerde's best interests is Blondebaerde. If I want to "share" anything I'll send a Smugmug link of my photos? No further comment required or desired from others, at that point. I don't need "validation" of anything, outside of a work/career context. Irrelevant.
- I look into the eyes of another human being and see an individual, another homo sapiens, worthy of respect, and dignity, same as me. Their rights as a (wo)man are no different that mine, I'm quite egalitarian. Assuming, of course, they are not an opponent or enemy, see below. Courtesy and politics exist so we by-and-large have frameworks for getting along with one another, and those I almost always obey (call it the "Civilizational Compact"). I may compete with that individual for resources, in which case they are an obstacle. If they intrude on my space, they are an irritant or rival. If they try and take via force of arms, they are an enemy and need to be neutralized via lawful use of force, see again "Civilizational Compact". Otherwise, there isn't anything else there really. (Not) relevant.
- I have "almost always" been bored in "relationships." After about the twentieth conversation, or date, what else is there to know that I care about? They are a mostly-understood quantity, and thus slot into the buckets I've listed above: ally (common goals), neutral (in the way, but not causing harm to my goals), opponent (competing for resources), or enemy (actively destroying or disrupting the pursuit of my goals). Irrelevant.
As in warfare, alliances shift based on economics and geopolitical subtleties. Individuals are not nation-states, but we do at the community level compete for resources and opportunities. Local-politically, we form villages for protection against enemies based on common good. That's all.
What does "emotionally satisfying" mean, exactly?
My $.02.
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