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Our children are gifts from G-d, specifically chosen for us (that's scriptural). Anyone who will not see to a child's welfare first is worse than an infidel (that's scriptural).
We are given as parents to these specific children, to represent G-d to them. As ling as your daughter has life, there is hope for her, and she needs love from you as the G-d-representing parent.
I will ask you a question to which I know your answer: When you err, does G-d kick you to the curb?
Seriously? My mother has told me her entire life that God will always come before me. One of my earliest memories is of my mother telling me that sorry, but if it comes down to it, I'm getting thrown under the bus, essentially. I couldn't have been more than four. And she underlined it with the story of The Bible character that was willing to kill his child for God. I cried and begged her but she wouldn't change her mind.
She is 75 now and still acts as if I am a nuisance, an afterthought. God is everything. I must say that my father was firmly in this camp, too. My life was all about honoring them, per the commandments and they said that the husband and wife always took precedence over the child.
I am absolutely stunned by what you write. I am not a stupid woman but I've always assumed that was the Christian belief. Everything is ahead of God and I should be darned greatful to be born. I was raised Lutheran and people didn't talk much about their faith. I assumed everyone believed that.
This is your daughter. turn your back on your illinformed pastor, not your daughter. While she may make mistakes, you can guide her and teach by example.
Her path will be full of pitfalls and won't work, you know that, I know that. if you shun her you won't be there to correct the behavior.
I suggest you need some far more spritual advisors. the ones you have suck.
remember she too was made in the image and likeness, do you really want to fore sake that?
Seriously? My mother has told me her entire life that God will always come before me. One of my earliest memories is of my mother telling me that sorry, but if it comes down to it, I'm getting thrown under the bus, essentially. I couldn't have been more than four. And she underlined it with the story of The Bible character that was willing to kill his child for God. I cried and begged her but she wouldn't change her mind.
She is 75 now and still acts as if I am a nuisance, an afterthought. God is everything. I must say that my father was firmly in this camp, too. My life was all about honoring them, per the commandments and they said that the husband and wife always took precedence over the child.
I am absolutely stunned by what you write. I am not a stupid woman but I've always assumed that was the Christian belief. Everything is ahead of God and I should be darned greatful to be born. I was raised Lutheran and people didn't talk much about their faith. I assumed everyone believed that.
Anyway, it's good to know. What religion are you?
Hiknapster, your story breaks my heart. Certain religions play right into the greed, narcissism, and pure nastiness of the person's hideous heart, while other religions teach the person that there is something greater than themselves that wants to expand their character and teach love and tenderness toward others. Unfortunately, my mother was very similar to yours but bluntly, not quite as bad.
I was given a gift, however: a father who seemed to love me as a child, an ability to hate the wickedness I saw at home, and an ability to see in other parents that there was something more, something better, something purer than what Mother had to offer. My eyes were wide open.
Certainly, G-d is my Father and would take precidence if my children were evil, if they demanded of me that I neglect G-d, if they were wicked and cruel to others, etc., but they aren't! The Scriptural warnings about evil children are often misunderstood.
"Beat the child; he will not die." Written by a wise but self-absorbed man who did not know that today, parents beat their children, and they die -- either physically or emotionally and spiritually. Read his advice -- would you take it all? Read the bitterness of the end of his life; would you follow suit?
The rod mentioned in the Bible for correction: it was rare that the sheep's legs were broken by the rod, although it did occasionally happen. The rod was used to draw the sheep back from danger or to block the sheep from it; very rarely -- extremely rarely! -- to strike it.
Messiah Himself said that it would be better for one to have a millstone hung about their neck so that they would drown in the sea than that they hurt one of the "little ones," which certainly included children. Hurt the child? That doesn't mean just physically but also emotionally and spiritually.
What kind of god did you learn He was? From what you have written, He is not that god. Certainly, He is Judge to the generations who hate Him, but He is love to those who don't.
I am sorry, but your mother was severely mistaken, and you got ripped off. Just love her in spite of her, and build your own life far away. Parents are there to love, to teach, and to give a right understanding of G-d's love to their children.
All i have to say is: he who is without sin, let him cast the first stone and what would Jesus do? remember that Jesus came for the sinners... what about the story of the adultrous woman in the bible? did Jesus turn His back on her? I think unconditional love is the only thing that will get through to your daughter. Love the sinner but not the sin. I pray God shows you which direction to take. also, please remember that the pastor is not God.
Hiknapster, your story breaks my heart. Certain religions play right into the greed, narcissism, and pure nastiness of the person's hideous heart, while other religions teach the person that there is something greater than themselves that wants to expand their character and teach love and tenderness toward others. Unfortunately, my mother was very similar to yours but bluntly, not quite as bad.
I was given a gift, however: a father who seemed to love me as a child, an ability to hate the wickedness I saw at home, and an ability to see in other parents that there was something more, something better, something purer than what Mother had to offer. My eyes were wide open.
Certainly, G-d is my Father and would take precidence if my children were evil, if they demanded of me that I neglect G-d, if they were wicked and cruel to others, etc., but they aren't! The Scriptural warnings about evil children are often misunderstood.
"Beat the child; he will not die." Written by a wise but self-absorbed man who did not know that today, parents beat their children, and they die -- either physically or emotionally and spiritually. Read his advice -- would you take it all? Read the bitterness of the end of his life; would you follow suit?
The rod mentioned in the Bible for correction: it was rare that the sheep's legs were broken by the rod, although it did occasionally happen. The rod was used to draw the sheep back from danger or to block the sheep from it; very rarely -- extremely rarely! -- to strike it.
Messiah Himself said that it would be better for one to have a millstone hung about their neck so that they would drown in the sea than that they hurt one of the "little ones," which certainly included children. Hurt the child? That doesn't mean just physically but also emotionally and spiritually.
What kind of god did you learn He was? From what you have written, He is not that god. Certainly, He is Judge to the generations who hate Him, but He is love to those who don't.
I am sorry, but your mother was severely mistaken, and you got ripped off. Just love her in spite of her, and build your own life far away. Parents are there to love, to teach, and to give a right understanding of G-d's love to their children.
I am in this group... My mom still cuts me off when she feels like it. It is robbing a kid of their mother.
As a grown woman it still makes me angry when my mother says her church advises her to break contact because of my behavior (not attending church and not believing in hell)....
I feel for you both, and am helping my 20 year old sister through it too.
i am a christian. i have been saved for 7 years and until lately was in fellowship regularly. my 19 year old christian daughter was "caught" having an affair with a married man...he has left his wife and child for her...my pastor told me that i was to have nothing to do with her...to cut her out of my life completely until she repents and leaves him...i am not happy with the decision she has made, i have told her that this is not what god wants for her...i cut her out of my life as the pastor instructed (7 months now) and just prior to him telling me to leave the church he told me that i should reach out to her...i did...and now i am being shunned by the members in the church for spending time with her...i guess i should also mention that the guy in question is/was the pastor's son in law...i would be greatful for some direction re: what scripture and God has to say about how i am to treat my daughter...
Wow....you just gotta love THOSE HYPOCRITICAL CHRISTIANS!!!
I am in this group... My mom still cuts me off when she feels like it. It is robbing a kid of their mother.
As a grown woman it still makes me angry when my mother says her church advises her to break contact because of my behavior (not attending church and not believing in hell)....
I feel for you both, and am helping my 20 year old sister through it too.
Your mother "cuts [you] off." -- A grown woman gets "cut off!" Incredible. And yet I get it! I understand way too well! The last time I saw Mother, I was still intimidated by her, and this was only about 14 years ago! She traveled over a thousand miles to be where I was vacationing, and when I heard she was there, I could have spun myself into the ground in a dirvish of anger! I made my little trip over to her site to do my social duty, but when I saw that tiny little woman, my knees went to jelly. I barely survived my 10 minutes with her then did not go back.
This is not the stuff of parenting! I was fortunate that I had two great mothers-in-law who were her complete opposites. I wish for you both that you can find someone who can demonstrate motherly decency and love for you. You may feel like you are old enough that you don't need it, and you likely are, but what beautiful people such persons are!
i am a christian. i have been saved for 7 years and until lately was in fellowship regularly. my 19 year old christian daughter was "caught" having an affair with a married man...he has left his wife and child for her...my pastor told me that i was to have nothing to do with her...to cut her out of my life completely until she repents and leaves him...i am not happy with the decision she has made, i have told her that this is not what god wants for her...i cut her out of my life as the pastor instructed (7 months now) and just prior to him telling me to leave the church he told me that i should reach out to her...i did...and now i am being shunned by the members in the church for spending time with her...i guess i should also mention that the guy in question is/was the pastor's son in law...i would be greatful for some direction re: what scripture and God has to say about how i am to treat my daughter...
Your daughter destroyed a family, and it happened to be the family of the pastor's own daughter, so don't expect the pastor to be happy about it. I wouldn't have asked for his advice knowing he was involved and hurt by the incident. Also, he probably should not have offered his advice for the same reason. Pastors are human too, and he is obviously hurt. Try to find a way to forgive him.
Personally I would not turn my back on a child for any reason.
Last edited by Finn_Jarber; 08-17-2010 at 09:33 AM..
"Does God want me to turn my back on my daughter?"
Oh, yes... and much more than that:
"If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple."
Finn, you act like the MAN involved had nothing to do with this. For all we know, he could of had other affairs before her. That MAN is just as guilty for destroying his family.... Pastors are human too? Not all of them...
Tantal, you are taking that scripture out of context. That`s not what it is talking about. So no, that`s not what God wants the OP to do.
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