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Now see here Mystic, this is a prime example. You and a few other posters here want to lump everyone together and fly the bigot banner over them, when you have NO IDEA what all of them, LIKE ME FOR INSTANCE, even believe. THAT, is bigotry.
Yes, it is bigotry, and unfortunately it is the par of the course with many posters here.
[This post was originally directed at a person in the comment section of an
article related to Indiana's Religious Freedom bill. It's the first time I've
really gotten everything down, but I felt it was important for me to do, for him.
I wanted him to understand me. It started out as a short post in response, but
grew from there. It became way too much for a comment thread, so here it is.
Here's my story. ]
I've been reacting with the same aggression you've been using toward me, and it's
wrong. Instead of reacting, I need to be responding with love, as Christ would.
Let me tell you my story.
I knew at a very young age I should have been born with a female body. I could
never put that into words, that concept at the time was not known to me. I was
raised in a strict Christian environment, and having these thoughts were sinful,
and the worst kind of wrong. At least that is what I heard in church.
I internalized this sentiment, and it grew into a fierce hatred, most directed at
myself. I prayed to God to make this go away. I prayed for that a lot. I couldn't
be a girl, that was impossible, or so I thought. That hatred quickly over took
me, and when I was ten I tried to kill myself for the first time, because I
thought maybe I needed to do it myself, since God was not taking this away, or
letting me die, I needed to do it on my own. So I tried to hang myself in my
closet, but when I woke up later, the belt I used was hanging around my neck, and
I was laying half in and half out of a box in my closet. I stayed there for most
of my life, in that closet. Alone.
In my teens, I turned to booze and drugs. A lot of each. Nikki Six, a guitarist
for Motley Crue overdosed a few times. At the height of my drug use, had he have
known me, he would have told me to slow down and save some for him. It was that
bad, but it kept me numb, which in turn kept me alive.
In my mid twenties, I think I was 24 or so I was at the end of my rope, again. I
was tired of being strung out all the time, tired of trying so hard to "act like
a man" and failing terribly, tired of dating other women trying to prove to
myself that I could do it, essentially using them to try to "be a guy." They
usually ended because I wouldn't have sex, the very idea of using that thing made
me sick.
So I was standing on an over pass one day, I was going to jump, the cars
on the freeway below were going pretty fast, I figured it would be over pretty
quick. I was finishing a cigarette when this uber preppy looking guy in this
crappy red Nova pulled up. I mention these, because he looked so out of place in
that car, it was kind of funny, like an 80 year old guy in a Corvette. His name
is Bill. He's a great guy, I still consider him one of my best friends, even
though we haven't spoken in years. We lost touch a long time ago, and I really
have no idea how to find him. Anyway, he and his wife were driving on the
freeway. He didn't even see me, but God knew I was there, and told Bill I was
getting ready to jump, so Bill, and his wife Jayne (with that spelling, I'm
telling you those two did not belong in that car haha) got off the freeway, and
came to talk to me.
I couldn't tell them why exactly I was going to jump, so I
blamed it on the drugs, which was true, but not the whole truth. I wasn't ready
to even admit it to myself. I knew that God wasn't going to let me kill myself,
no matter what I tried to do, so that was my last attempt, I think. There were so
many attempts really, it's hard to keep them straight chronologically, and the
drugs kind of affected my memory, so that's kind of shot.
I stayed with them for about a year or so, and got off drugs for awhile,
but the pressure I was under was too much, so I relapsed.
I stayed drugged until I was 35 or 36, when I moved close to my Mom, she had
uterine cancer, and I wanted to be close to her. God helped her beat it, she's
doing really well now, we talk on the phone occasionally, but it's strained.When
I was 38 I was tired of everything, life, trying to live up to everyone's
expectations of me, and I begged God to take this from me or let me die.
I knew that coming out would cause me to lose my family, which had been everything to me
for as long as I could remember, I come from an incredibly tight knit family, we
got together several times a year, we'd come from all over the country and gather
at a state park, or Grandpa's house. I loved those reunions, and huge holiday
dinners. Poker, football, food and beer, you know. I never got into drinking
much, I hate hangovers, but most of my family members are drinkers. Socially, not
drunks, you know. I didn't think I'd survive losing them. But something had to give.
I emailed a close friend, and came out to her, sort of to say good bye, I really
wanted to die. I apologized for not being honest about who I really am inside,
and for causing her pain. We were married about maybe 15 or 16 years before that.
I may have been 24 or 25. It lasted a year. She's really the only person I've
genuinely loved and trusted. Her name is Michelle. She wrote back about a week
later, and told me that I was moving in with her and her family (Her husband, and
boys), and she was going to help me come out and get through this. If I didn't
come out, and live authentically, I didn't want to live at all. So I moved here,
and got into therapy, and slowly started to come out.
I begged God for him to tell me his plan for me, and he's opened doors that I
could never open on my own. Forgiving my Dad being one of those things. He was
incredibly abusive when I was young. He used to beat me with a 2x4. I carried
intense anger for him through most of my life, and one night I was on my bed
smoking out my window (cigarettes...tobacco, not pot), and I just started
sobbing, uncontrollably. I had no idea why. I honestly felt like my heart was
breaking. I was in a panic because I had no idea where it was all coming from.
I realized later after I calmed down that it was 40 years of pain leaving me. It
was just gone. I know that God took it from me, it's the only rational
explanation.
The hate and anger I carried with me through my life was gone, in that moment.
God said I didn't need that anymore. So he took it from me.
I came out to my Mom a few months later, she told the rest of the family, and
they all agreed that they didn't want me home over holidays, they didn't want to
see me. As much as that hurt, God led me through it. That footsteps poem comes to
mind. He really did carry me through it, literally. My friends also surrounded me
and walked beside me too.
Through that process, I slowly began to accept and respect myself, which turned into love. About maybe a year ago was the first time in my life I genuinely loved myself. Which in turn enabled me to love God more deeply, which of course deepened our relationship.
He's guided me every step in the coming out and transitioning process. I know he is with me. When we talk, I feel him physically. I finally have the relationship with him, and Christ that I
have always wanted.
Growing up in the church, I had seen so many great people of
faith, and I wanted what they had. I begged God for that, but until I was ready
to be honest with myself, and live accordingly, my entire life would be a lie,
and God can't move in a person's life, if they can't even be honest with
themselves.
So that's where I am today, very much a woman, and very much a sold out Jesus
Freak, and loving each new day that he gives me. The pain of living in a male
body isn't lessened, but I know God is moving me toward healing, and I can be
patient, and know that my healing will be complete on his schedule, and he's
handling it, it's all more than I can handle on my own, so I just let him take
care of that.
I saw my Mom last year, for the first time in three years. She came
to see me. My family still doesn't want to see me, and I know it was hard on Mom
to see me, but she did it anyway. So I know God is healing that too. But that's
probably going to take awhile. It's ok though. I can wait. If I can at least talk
to Mom on the phone every couple weeks or so, I can live with that.
I'm not using aggression towards you geekigurl, although I can see why to you it might seem that way. Your story is sad and not unlike a friend of mine, and it hurts me to see so much suffering for anyone. It makes me mad, but mad at the enemy of our soul's.
But I hope you can understand that I have to be true to what He has made life in me, because His Truth of His Word, is the only hope this dying creation has. It's not idle talk, I've seen the power of it tangibly and it's power to transform lives in myriad ways, beginning with my own. We serve a G-d of miracles and there is nothing too great for Him. He is getting ready to set creation free, and what a glorious day it will be, for ALL OF US. Peace and blessings to you....
As you know I have personal experience with all of these. It's only by the grace of God I survived my many suicide attempts. You know, I see all of these people here, who know full well the damage they are doing to people, and it reopens old wounds, and keeps some open that will never heal. But then people like you, and Trout, and just so many others are here, and you offer your friendship, love and encouragement. You stand by me, and so many others physically and spiritually brutalized by anti-LGBT animus, some too afraid to speak. You are our voice, and even though reaching people seems hopeless sometimes, that helps give me the strength to keep going. Thank you. <3
My eyes are leaking writing this, so if it's not completely coherent...well, you know.
I had my own, personal Come To Jesus moment during the AIDS crisis. I watched my gay friends demonized by "Christians" before they died of AIDS. I watched gay men be abandoned by their "Christian" families on their death beds. I saw evil I couldn't imagine up to then. I had no idea people would choose what they were told in church over their own sons. I made a promise to them and myself I wasn't going to sit idly by and watch good, decent people demonized because of someone's religious beliefs.
Stay strong. Since the 80's I've watched a sea change in attitudes towards the LGBTQ. I'm convinced in another generation we'll look back on anti-LGBTQ beliefs as we look back on racial segregation. With shame and embarrassment.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 03-15-2016 at 07:00 PM..
LOL, weird timing. Interesting response to my post but if I'm understanding you correctly (I"m in a bit of a hurry) I think it begs the question: Who decides what is "evil biased witchcraft laden rebelliousness?" The Pope? Martin Luther? The popular Christian opinion of the day? You?.. Questioning an understanding and or translation of scripture is not evil by default even if it is a little rebellious at times and rebellion against the popular view of the day is often require to achieve the best understanding. Anyways, I hope to see your response to RomulusXXV soon...you may find there are many things about Romans 1 that are not as cut and dry as they might seem once the historical and moral context is understood.
Who decides? Are you serious? Do you think any of this stuff comes out of thin air? The potter, of course. Rebellion is as of the sin of witchcraft. Witchcraft at it's core, is self will. It's basically the pot saying, no G-d, I don't need you, I can do whatever I want to do and you can stuff it. And He actually let man get somewhat away (sowing and reaping has NOT ended) with that scenario for a season, but that season is just about over.
Were some of you guys raised by wolves or what? Did you not have a parent that put limitations on you, not because they were being "mean", but because they LOVED you more than themselves and were willing to take some disgruntled threats and temper tantrums from you (I'm gonna run away and live with Brian's parents, cause they let him do whatever he wants!) to do what was RIGHT and in YOUR BEST INTEREST?
Yes? Then is man more righteous than G-d? Are we now to assume that because of the age of our flesh, the Spirit which is eternal, doesn't know as much as WE do about the general make of things and what is best for our ETERNAL state? Come on guys, think!
And you might be surprised that there are many things that are just that cut and dry once the historical and the moral context is understood with the added spiritual principles in place.
ASAP on the reply to that, but may have to delay another day as I just found out I have to take my daughter way out of town tomorrow for an appointment. Peace
As you know I have personal experience with all of these. It's only by the grace of God I survived my many suicide attempts. You know, I see all of these people here, who know full well the damage they are doing to people, and it reopens old wounds, and keeps some open that will never heal. But then people like you, and Trout, and just so many others are here, and you offer your friendship, love and encouragement. You stand by me, and so many others physically and spiritually brutalized by anti-LGBT animus, some too afraid to speak. You are our voice, and even though reaching people seems hopeless sometimes, that helps give me the strength to keep going. Thank you. <3
My eyes are leaking writing this, so if it's not completely coherent...well, you know.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn
I had my own, personal Come To Jesus moment during the AIDS crisis. I watched my gay friends demonized by "Christians" before they died of AIDS. I watched gay men be abandoned by their "Christian" families on their death beds. I saw evil I couldn't imagine up to then. I had no idea people would choose what they were told in church over their own sons. I made a promise to them and myself I wasn't going to sit idly by and watch good, decent people demonized because of someone's religious beliefs.
Stay strong. Since the 80's I've watched a sea change in attitudes towards the LGBTQ. I'm convinced in another generation we'll look back on anti-LGBTQ beliefs as we look back on racial segregation. With shame and embarrassment.
What few words I have are completely USELESS.
No human deserves to these events in their lives. Let alone when they are agitated by a third party.
Knowing this continues (to any degree to anyone for any hateful reasons) causes me to question my civility and makes me realize I am much more like Peter than I will ever be like Christ.
Mercy, Justice and Compassion---why is this so elusive?
No human deserves to these events in their lives. Let alone when they are agitated by a third party.
Knowing this continues (to any degree to anyone for any hateful reasons) causes me to question my civility and makes me realize I am much more like Peter than I will ever be like Christ.
Mercy, Justice and Compassion---why is this so elusive?
The fundamentalists in Israel killed Jesus for all those traits. If we try to speak His language, we may not receive the same treatment, but we will have bigots calling us bigots toward their dominionism designs.
I'm not using aggression towards you geekigurl, although I can see why to you it might seem that way. Your story is sad and not unlike a friend of mine, and it hurts me to see so much suffering for anyone. It makes me mad, but mad at the enemy of our soul's.
But I hope you can understand that I have to be true to what He has made life in me, because His Truth of His Word, is the only hope this dying creation has. It's not idle talk, I've seen the power of it tangibly and it's power to transform lives in myriad ways, beginning with my own. We serve a G-d of miracles and there is nothing too great for Him. He is getting ready to set creation free, and what a glorious day it will be, for ALL OF US. Peace and blessings to you....
Aggressive, no. Microaggressive, yes. You flat out refuse to see my story, my life's journey for what it is.
I am desperately trying not to offend you, but you are as dense as a London fog. I just told you straight up that God DID change me. He DID transform me. AFTER I CAME OUT!!!!! My God in Heaven. It's like I'm talking to a brick freaking wall. STOP LOOKING AT THE BIBLE LONG ENOUGH TO LOOK AT ME!!!!!!!!!
There is nothing whatsoever sinful about being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. Nothing. My life. What God has been doing in my life since I came out is a living testimony to that. Look at me. Stop looking at the Bible long enough to look at me. There is nothing sinful about me being a transsexual, or seeking loving commitment with another woman. At all. If that's what God has for me.
"Oh wow, that is really horrible and wrong what your family did to you" would have gone a long way toward proving to me that you have nothing against LGBT people, or our relationships. But you didn't say that.
No human deserves to these events in their lives. Let alone when they are agitated by a third party.
Knowing this continues (to any degree to anyone for any hateful reasons) causes me to question my civility and makes me realize I am much more like Peter than I will ever be like Christ.
Mercy, Justice and Compassion---why is this so elusive?
You have judged what is in your own flesh more accurately than you know. There is only High Priest and ever has been. The others were just figures of the True. When the servants of the High Priest came TO TAKE THE FLESH AWAY, Peter thinking he was doing good, tried to cut off the ear (bring death to the hearing ear of the servants).
What looks good is not always good, and what looks evil is not always evil. This is why we need to hear what the Spirit is saying, to keep us from eating of the tree of GOOD and evil.
Righteousness and holiness (without which NO MAN may see G-d and live), why are is this so elusive? Peace
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