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So basically the child who lied is unapproachable but yet the innocent child gets to carry it around with him. What is this telling bullies ; go ahead, do what you want and there is no repurcusions. Its also telling the victim that its ok for people to lie about you.
people are so afraid to approach bullies and that is why they get away with it. A simple apology would be fine.
Honesty is not the best policy ; that is what I am learning.
OMG.. people can't look at someone crosseyed these days without someone throwing the "bullied" flag. This isn't even close to being bullying. What exactly is your innocent son "carrying around with him". Its over, he proved he wasn't carrying anything, move on. You are enabling him to be a martyr by your drama. Tell him to man up and get over it....he is NOT a "victim", for goodness sake!!
And even if it WAS bullying... it is NOT your job to approach a school bully, you either call the administration, his parents, or the police, depending on the severity. If they don't handle it to your liking, tough! Thats life. You certainly don't go around confronting children.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sailordave
My, I now see why children's behavior have gotten worse. There was a time when all parents in the neighborhood played a part in a child's disipline and the child's parents were thankful that others were watching out for their child's behavior. Made most children more honest and well behaved. My neighbors were very happy when I personally stopped some boys (either pre or teen age) from throwing rocks at their homes. Yes, I confronted them directly and they've not been seen in our neighborhood ever again. The PE Coach and principal were absolutely wrong, especially the PE coach. Most PE coaches I've known as a student were the worst bullies in school and I hated every one of them.
There is a BIG difference between stopping children from doing something at that time, and confronting/repemanding/demanding something of a child AFTER the fact. It is totally appropriate for you to stop kids from throwing rocks at a house if you are witnessing it. It is a COMPLETELY different story if you decide to go up to your neighbors kids 5 days later after hearing that they were throwing rocks to reprimand them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by okaydorothy
If my son did something that upset a parent, I would of course expect that parent to say something to my son. Its called repsect for your elders and discipline. I have no problem when a parent corrects my child if it is warranted.
My son was told to behave himself at a basketball game once by a parent. I was absolutely fine with it. He is the type of child that respects adults and does what they say.
Your child was said to have been carrying a weapon. How would you like it if random parents started approaching your son to discuss that situation, and demand apologies.... maybe they heard he stashed it before he was searched. The administration dealt with it, I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate other people butting in, especially if they weren't fully aware of the situation.
Again, there is a BIG difference between addressing a situation at the time, and addressing it after the fact.
Actually I have not spoken to my son about it since the day of the incident. I have spoken to this child once ; how is that harrassment?
The child lied ; he denied telling on my son. If it was the wrong child, surely the PE teacher and the principal would have informed me but they did not. If it was the wrong child ; then I am truely sorry, but it was not the wrong child. Maybe my child was not bullied, but he was a child that was accused of having something he did not have and then humiliated by the PE teacher as he was not believed, only to be marched to the principals office where he was terrified he would be suspended. It was prooven that he was innocent.
Quote:
Originally Posted by okaydorothy
Actually the principal and PE teacher told me who made the accusation. My son never said who accused him as he didnt know.
I just think it is horrendous that one child can be hauled to the principals office based on the word of another child who was obviously lying to the teacher and yet we come down on the parent of the innocent child for trying to stand up to a liar.
Which is it - they told you who made the accusation or they didn't? If they told you, which you state they did in the second comment above, then how would it be possible that it was the wrong child?
Right, can't have a parent correct a child's behavior,...not even public school teachers and principals who "ALLOW" bullying and bad behavior by students to continue on school property.
Just curious what you would have teachers do if bullying is reported to them or if they see it happen. They can stop it if they see it (well, in this lawsuit happy world they can't physically intervene, but they can verbally say to stop it), refer it to the counselor, report it to administration... What else would you like them to do? Smack the kids who are doing it, drag them by their collars to the office, or something else? Teachers can talk to students about bullying and make sure kids know they will be reported if it occurs. However, teachers do not decide how bullying is addressed nor what consequences will take place. Rather, that is up to administration. Teachers can't make administrators handle it properly.
Regarding the actual subject of the post... Students are supposed to report it if they see a student with a weapon, and the situation needs to be taken seriously. Students do make mistakes. Maybe he thought he saw a knife or wasn't sure, but wanted to be safe. Even if this boy supposedly lies, it needed to be handled as a possible weapon. What if another kid had a knife and no one reported it because someone's mom told them they shouldn't do that, then the knife was pulled on someone who was then injured or worse? Would that be okay because at least nobody was terrified they would be suspended?
Actually the principal and PE teacher told me who made the accusation. My son never said who accused him as he didnt know.
I just think it is horrendous that one child can be hauled to the principals office based on the word of another child who was obviously lying to the teacher and yet we come down on the parent of the innocent child for trying to stand up to a liar.
If the PE teacher and the principal told you which child made the accusation against your child, they made a very serious mistake. You compounded that mistake by confronting the other child. It is quite possible when it comes out that the confrontation happened because the PE teacher told you who made the accusation, the PE teacher loses their job.
Wow, overreact much? Your son wasn't bullied, or even hurt. The mild outrage at having to go to the principal's office should have long worn off. It is NOT that big a deal. I'm sure the kid and the PE teacher probably now think you're nuts, and everything you do and say will be suspect from now on. Not to mention you have now given the boy, along with other kids, a reason to pick on your son. If that was my son you approached, you would be getting a call from ME, not the teacher, and it wouldn't be very pleasant.
If you aren't at school with your son all day, you're only getting one side of the story. Your son thinks the kid lied just to get him in trouble. It could be that the kid heard from someone else, and just made an honest mistake. To confront a child simply based on what your son told you was using very poor judgment, to put it nicely. Your son was inconvienienced and a little insulted at having to empty his pockets. Big deal. Worse will happen in this life. Are you going to run around confronting people every little time you perceive your son isn't treated as you feel he should be? You kid is in for a lot of embarrassment, shame, and learned helplessness...because of you, no one else. Step off a little before you make his life miserable.
Somehow either people arent reading correctly, or I am not making things clear. The principal and PE teacher told me what happened ; not my son. I am basing my story on what I was told by adults and I am pressuming they are telling the truth.
My son has moved on ; I have not brought it up to him in weeks. He doesnt even know that the PE teacher called twice last week.
The issue I have is that most people are siding with the child who lies ; not the child who was accused in the wrong. What does that teach our children ; that its acceptable to lie and get someone else in trouble? Yes, my son was horrified going to the principals office ; he is a child that does not get into trouble at all. He also told the PE teacher 5 times that he did not have anything ; again he told the truth and that was prooved.
I guess I have old fashioned values and need to change to haveing the new value of dishonesty, lying and teaching my kids that its ok to make things up.
Somehow either people arent reading correctly, or I am not making things clear. The principal and PE teacher told me what happened ; not my son. I am basing my story on what I was told by adults and I am pressuming they are telling the truth.
My son has moved on ; I have not brought it up to him in weeks. He doesnt even know that the PE teacher called twice last week.
The issue I have is that most people are siding with the child who lies ; not the child who was accused in the wrong. What does that teach our children ; that its acceptable to lie and get someone else in trouble? Yes, my son was horrified going to the principals office ; he is a child that does not get into trouble at all. He also told the PE teacher 5 times that he did not have anything ; again he told the truth and that was prooved.
I guess I have old fashioned values and need to change to haveing the new value of dishonesty, lying and teaching my kids that its ok to make things up.
You are assuming this was a LIE. How do you know that child wasn't just WRONG?? Which part of that can't you understand? Maybe he reported it in good faith because he made a mistake?
That is what makes you completely unreasonable.
Additionally, you inability to understand that if someone has even heard a rumor that someone else has a weapon they should be able to report that rumor with no repercussions. Don't you understand that concept?
Last edited by toobusytoday; 05-28-2012 at 08:35 PM..
Reason: removed rude comments
Somehow either people arent reading correctly, or I am not making things clear. The principal and PE teacher told me what happened ; not my son. I am basing my story on what I was told by adults and I am pressuming they are telling the truth.
My son has moved on ; I have not brought it up to him in weeks. He doesnt even know that the PE teacher called twice last week.
The issue I have is that most people are siding with the child who lies ; not the child who was accused in the wrong. What does that teach our children ; that its acceptable to lie and get someone else in trouble? Yes, my son was horrified going to the principals office ; he is a child that does not get into trouble at all. He also told the PE teacher 5 times that he did not have anything ; again he told the truth and that was prooved.
I guess I have old fashioned values and need to change to haveing the new value of dishonesty, lying and teaching my kids that its ok to make things up.
So...if your son had moved on and hadn't even mentioned this incident in weeks, why on earth did you feel it necessary to approach this child and demand an apology from him? If your son has moved on, that's a huge clue that it's time for you to move on as well.
Maybe this child does lie, I don't know, but whether he lies or not, the teachers have a responsibility to make sure no child has weapons at school. If everyone believes this boy is as big a liar as you say, I find it hard to believe your son would be treated as horribly as you believe he was. He was called to the principal's office, proved he didn't have a knife, and left. Again, big deal.
It is not your place or your job to teach values of truth and honesty to anyone else's child. Bottom line is, you had absolutely no right to confront this child and demand anything from him. It amazes me that you continue to see wrong in everyone else's actions from the PE teacher to the principal to the little boy, but you don't see anything wrong about the way you behaved. It also amazes me that something so silly has you so upset. Get over it.
The flat fact is that, you will never know who was telling the truth or who was lying.
You will have to live with that. Nonsense like that happens all the time. Just let it, be
forgotten.
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