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Yeah, you really are. Everyone else gets it, but you don't. I guess that makes you special, doesn't it?
If I were a teacher in this "no child left behind" day and age, I may dumb it down to a "yes" or "no" answer. But since you want to talk academic pedigrees, I think it's fair to let you get it or not get it on your own. It looks like you don't get it. Sorry, but you brought your academics into it, so I think it's fair to hold you accountable for understanding the central them and purpose of a relatively short post. But it's not too late. You may think my frequent reference to community college is meant as a slight, but it really is a recommendation. When does the next semester start? January? I'm sure it's not too late to get in.
Your silence on the matter speaks volumes. You've been given multiple opportunities to answer a simple, direct question. Your refusal to do so gives us our answer. So no, I will offer no retraction. I stand by my statement. In fact, I'm more convinced of it's accuracy now than before. It is clear that you are less than thrilled with your wife's weight loss. I think that's tragic.
Everybody else has no problem getting his intent, except you. He's explained it, but you refuse to get it, either because you don't want to, or because it's beyond your capability to understand.
He is capable of loving his wife as a person, not just a pretty "something" which checks off all the right "this is pretty to me" boxes. So it's not a stretch to imagine that because he loves HER, he will see her as beautiful, as the years pass and as she changes (as we all must). Furthermore, he is motivated to expand his horizons, and to objectively see her new outside appearance as beautiful. This is something that most intelligent people are capable of doing, if the motivation and love are there.
It's not a rare phenomenon, that love "makes" a person beautiful to the ones who love them. There are actually people out there who view their spouse as more than just a pretty accessory.
Everybody else has no problem getting his intent, except you. He's explained it, but you refuse to get it, either because you don't want to, or because it's beyond your capability to understand.
He is capable of loving his wife as a person, not just a pretty "something" which checks off all the right "this is pretty to me" boxes. So it's not a stretch to imagine that because he loves HER, he will see her as beautiful, as the years pass and as she changes (as we all must). Furthermore, he is motivated to expand his horizons, and to objectively see her new outside appearance as beautiful. This is something that most intelligent people are capable of doing, if the motivation and love are there.
It's not a rare phenomenon, that love "makes" a person beautiful to the ones who love them. There are actually people out there who view their spouse as more than just a pretty accessory.
"Sadly, society also has it in for men who may not mind dating chubby women. In a study conducted at the University of Liverpool in England, a man photographed with a heavyset woman was rated 22 percent more negatively (including be called “a loserâ€) than when the same man is pictured with a svelte date by his side."
I would love to read that study. If I am able to find it I will post a link to it.
"Sadly, society also has it in for men who may not mind dating chubby women. In a study conducted at the University of Liverpool in England, a man photographed with a heavyset woman was rated 22 percent more negatively (including be called “a loserâ€) than when the same man is pictured with a svelte date by his side."
I would love to read that study. If I am able to find it I will post a link to it.
See that's just sad. The fact that someone is a "loser" based on their dating preferences speaks volumes about the people who share that opinion more than it does about the men dating bigger women. I *prefer* smaller women but I won't lie and say there weren't some larger girls that I thought were attractive. Yes I have dated them, too. But not because I felt desperate, but because I think women can be beautiful in many sizes.
See that's just sad. The fact that someone is a "loser" based on their dating preferences speaks volumes about the people who share that opinion more than it does about the men dating bigger women. I *prefer* smaller women but I won't lie and say there weren't some larger girls that I thought were attractive. Yes I have dated them, too. But not because I felt desperate, but because I think women can be beautiful in many sizes.
Let,s not use the term 'fat'... instead let's use the medical terms of 'average', 'overweight', 'obese', and 'morbidly obese'
Given the laws of thermodynamics, ignoring the psychological issues, excessive bulk is a personal choice.
There is a trend (at least in Boston), but I am now in the Far East, (where most of same trends apply)....
If you are bigger than size two, and don't have multiple advanced degrees, (then you are not desirable by anyone decent), unless you are a blue-collar or white trash rich 'loser', and want an Asian slave, which is lower than anything I can mention, but then I can have a good laugh.
In my case, I married a woman with a good build and we were similar size. 19 years and 2 babies later, she's much more out of shape than I am. Is this my fault because i stay active or have I not taken the reigns enough in our relationship to help out around the house? I hope I've helped her raising these kids. Dropping them off at school, doing my part at dinner time, etc. But also, she's just never cared for physical fitness. Never been a priority. I am trying to stress to her how much it should matter to her for her health and self esteem, but we just fall out.
we have had some marriage trouble too. various things, but i'm committed to her. And committed to her getting in shape. After our 2nd child was born, she stayed home for three years, and I got her a baby jogger and we still had a gym membership. She just didn't have the motivation. I don't think she was depressed really, just unwilling.
In my case, I married a woman with a good build and we were similar size. 19 years and 2 babies later, she's much more out of shape than I am. Is this my fault because i stay active or have I not taken the reigns enough in our relationship to help out around the house? I hope I've helped her raising these kids. Dropping them off at school, doing my part at dinner time, etc. But also, she's just never cared for physical fitness. Never been a priority. I am trying to stress to her how much it should matter to her for her health and self esteem, but we just fall out.
we have had some marriage trouble too. various things, but i'm committed to her. And committed to her getting in shape. After our 2nd child was born, she stayed home for three years, and I got her a baby jogger and we still had a gym membership. She just didn't have the motivation. I don't think she was depressed really, just unwilling.
It comes down to her finding the motivation.
Interesting post. You make a very good point that it is all about her finding the motivation and doing for herself. "Encouraging" her may be taken as "pressuring" or "nagging" so you absolutely have to tread lightly.
My wife wanted to lose weight for a long time and for a long time wanted me to support her efforts. The problem was I couldn't support efforts that didn't exist. She spun her wheels with her efforts for a while and I spun my wheels supporting her. She'd want me to help keep her honest, but if I did it led to a fight. She'd want me to encourage her to workout, but when I did she wasn't in the mood. The problem with this relationship was she put the onus on her weight loss on me.
Once that changed she gradually began to make some progress. It is VITAL someone takes ownership for his or her own weight loss efforts. I refused to nag her about it, and when I did what she wanted and was greeted with unresponsiveness I gave up. Once I figured she was serious it was easy to support her because she was doing it for herself.
You are in a tricky situation, and I wish you the best of luck. It seems your goal should be to somehow get your wife to see she should do this for herself. Maybe in doing so it will fix some of the other problems in your marriage you mentioned. If you are pursuing something together it will bring you closer. It did for my wife and me.
Let,s not use the term 'fat'... instead let's use the medical terms of 'average', 'overweight', 'obese', and 'morbidly obese'
Given the laws of thermodynamics, ignoring the psychological issues, excessive bulk is a personal choice.
There is a trend (at least in Boston), but I am now in the Far East, (where most of same trends apply)....
If you are bigger than size two, and don't have multiple advanced degrees, (then you are not desirable by anyone decent), unless you are a blue-collar or white trash rich 'loser', and want an Asian slave, which is lower than anything I can mention, but then I can have a good laugh.
who are you kidding? of course society does. Different people may think differently, but in the whole it's looked down upon.
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