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You know, I've been pondering your question for the last few minutes. It's a simple question, yet a complicated one.
I've lived in a state I don't particularly care for, for quite some time. I did attempt to move away before, right out of high school. And that was such a negative experience (long story there), that I think maybe it traumatized me more than I realized? lol Maybe in the back recesses of my mind, I've been afraid of screwing up again if I try to move away again, although I know logically I'm capable of taking care of myself now.
Also, life just goes on. I moved back here, almost got engaged. During that time I had started establishing a life here, meeting more people, and whatnot. The relationship ended and I just resumed my work and stuff.
I had it in the back of my mind all the time that I wanted to attempt the move again, to the same place. But at the same time I also wanted to resume school or some sort of training. I figured I could start saving for a move while working full-time and living on my own, but in doing that, who knows how long it would take to save? So THEN I thought, "Maybe I should get into school part-time? Take a few classes?" So I made a few different attempts to enroll in school, but I always gave up on it. In the back of my mind I knew I didn't want to commit to another couple of years here (minimum). And if I got into school, that's exactly what I would be doing. That's why I didn't go through with school. I would've literally been locking myself into living here... like a contract.
Then it reached the point where I stopped attempting to make friends, I shunned meeting guys, etc. But that wasn't something I consciously realized I was doing, until fairly recently. And the reason I did that was because, again, it was still in the back of my mind that I would be leaving, so why tie myself down?
Very messed up. But it finally dawned on me I need to make the move. You have to let life unfold and follow your instincts, and not ignore them. I know where I need to be. School, and whatnot... that'll come later. And I'm more excited at the prospect of doing that in an environment where I'd be open and willing to meeting anyone and everyone and settling down. I wouldn't want to get involved with anyone from this state (the one I'm still in that I don't care for) because I don't want anymore ties to this place. That's how over it I am.
The place I'm moving back to - will I live there forever? I don't know. I'm going to become more open to embracing change from now on.
There wasn't really a single event, more like a realization.
At the urging of my family, my wife and I bought a house in 2005. We weren't looking for a house, the house found us. Great starter house, they told us. Being 2005, and not actually being prepared to buy a house, we got in with no money down. I tend to be financially risk averse and didn't think we could afford it but everyone said we'd be fine. The banks wouldn't make the loan if they didn't think we could pay it back, right? lol
Things went OK at first. The mortgage consumed a very large and dangerous percentage of our income but we got by. Since the house was in poor cosmetic shape when we got it, we got a "deal" on it and after fixing it up, we were assured it was worth more than we paid. The overall market continued to appreciate for about another year before stalling.
It was around that time (2006) that things started to sink in. We'd been living paycheck to paycheck for a year. We were spending way too much every month on a starter home that really wasn't big enough long-term. While the square footage was OK, it was only two bedrooms. We slept in one and I needed the other for my home office. What about future kids? We could have added on, but that would have taken lots of cash (didn't have that) or more debt (couldn't have afforded that even if we could have gotten a loan). A 3-4 bedroom house in the same neighborhood would have been $100-200K more than ours. Not to mention the extra expenses of the kids aside from housing.
So we decided we needed to leave, but where to? That's when we mentally made a list of any place we'd been to or had any kind of connection to. Since I have family in Austin, we made a trip there in August 06 to check it out with an eye to moving there. If it weren't for the brutal summers, we'd probably have picked it. When I came back, a customer told me about the Denver area.
I began researching it online and we made our first trip in the spring of 07. Unfortunately by the time we fully committed to leaving the area, the real estate market had collapsed. Our area wasn't hit as hard as others but we still wound up selling the house short.
That was June 08. Since then, we've been living in an apartment paying off bills and rebuilding our credit. Even though the real estate market is still depressed, the overall equation hasn't changed. The middle class lifestyle that's available in the rest of the country just isn't possible here without two six figure incomes under one roof unless you want a tiny condo or an insane commute.
Although I haven't moved yet, I fully intend on moving from Southern NJ to Delaware (or to MD/DC metro area) 100%. I cannot live with my parents after I graduate from college in May, they will drive me crazy. I like to have my freedom, no matter what the cost will be. Plus, I do not like being dependent on my parents, I want to be able to live on my own and not have to live with them like my older sisters have had done in the past. I guess these are the two forces that are driving me to want to be out there on my own. Even though I do get homesick sometimes while up at college (in central NJ), I've gotten less of this feeling the longer I've been up there. Hopefully everything will work out, I want to start a happy new life!
We relocated from MD to SC for a job 2 years ago. It was a great opportunity, warmer weather, and a Red state. It was a win-win situation for us. The one downside was moving from family. We got plugged in right away with a church and it made it much easier.
Thanks for your answers. While my dh has not been happy on Long Island for a few years, I am just reaching that point now. Next year we are trying to start selling property and hopefully that will put us in a spot that we can move in about 3 years. We did try to move to NC four years ago, but at that time, real estate sank here so we decided to postpone the move for a few years.
Its not that we arent working ; he has a job that is basically that ; a job. I have a small business and we also have a few rental properties. Its hard being a mum, working, landlord and also going to school full time. So by selling the proeprties, that will cut out the landlord job, in three years I will be done with school ; will be done in May with an associates and so will be willing to move after that. It would need to be a place where I could continue school. I am hoping that it would be a place that dh could transfer his job to until we would get settled and then he could get a better job or go back to school. The boys would be heading into high school at that time also. We dont have family here so thats not an issue.
We moved here to FL two years ago. We needed a fresh start and were sick of the long winters.
Nothing has worked out right here. Jobs dissolved as the economy worsened. My mother in law took advantage of the many foreclosures in the area and bought houses to rent/sell to the family members like us who needed a home. We ended up not being able to afford ours and we hated the area we lived in because it was too crowded. My MIL has asked us to give up our house to another family member who can afford it. That was our out. Where we are thinking of moving is n ot much better economically (no where is these days) but there are less people and housing is more affordable.
It was actually a pretty sharp tipping point for me.
I was passed over for a promotion at work when the new regime took over. They promoted someone with two years of experience, barely enough time to get familiar with the job. It wasn't that they didn't promote me (but yeah, it stung)--rather, they passed up a lot of good people with 10+ years of experience who would have made great bosses. So if I was going to stay there I was going to be stuck in the job I was doing forever. No thanks.
I was starting to be over Miami, too. There are too many people here, I miss my family, I miss the part of the country I came from, and for all the talk of how Miami is a cosmopolitan "world city," it isn't. Your culture choices are various flavors of Latin. Which is fine, but I want more options. I'm not saying Latin = backward, but Miami doesn't have the diversity of NYC, or LA, or San Francisco.
So it's been kind of a perfect storm of discontent. I went back to school and when I'm done with grad school we will go. It can't come fast enough. I don't hate Miami (most days), and I really improved my skill set even before I started school, so it was worth it. But I believe that, like the song says, "the secret to a good life is knowin' when you're through," which I interpret as "be smart enough to move on when you're not happy." So I'm through with Miami. Now I torment myself by reading the New Mexico forum on C-D.
I had finally stopped treatment for infertility. And the longer you are in treatment, the longer it takes to recover from it emotionally. Recovery being a relative term here.
Moving from Chicago to NE FL seemed like a way to force myself out of a deep well of sadness. Husband sought a transfer, he likes his work and doesn't care where. So here I am, seeking comfort in the General Moving Issues Forum - and this helps A LOT.
Here's what I learned:
1. I miss diversity and it's not here, and it's not in the south.
2. It's effing hot here. We have a winter, but by August, it's so hot you want to kill somebody and you can't stop sweating.
3. Moving will NOT hasten or make easy the grieving process. You may not like your old support system, but you will be replacing it with no support system.
I do have 1 totally amazing DS (in middle school) and I am doing what ever I can to make the most of this situation. Game face, attitude adjustment, personal mind control, pretending, etc.
Grow where you are planted: HA! Some people are like weeds, and some need a certain amount of shade, water and sun. Eventually, I will get back to where I want to be. Until then: Florida is awesome, Florida is awesome, Florida is awesome ...
I moved here to AZ when I followed my now ex husband. We both grew up on Long Island and our family is still there. Then I met my fiance and he moved here to AZ from NC. In the time that he has lived here, he has had some very hard times. He hates living here. So we have made the decision to move back to NC. A long time ago, it was a place that I had looked moving to when I felt be a success in NY was going to be an expensive proposition. I am figuring it will also be closer to the rest of my family. It will be nice to have my son have more access to his grandparents and other extended family.
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