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Thanks for the opinions so far. My parents have never left NY and their parents grew up in NY and so on. My Dad had many opportunities to move throughout his career, but my mom would always hold him back.
They do come down for holidays, but it always ends up being the same old fight. My mother isn't happy unless you do what she says.When we go to visit its the same story. We also never got along when I lived on LI. If she didn't like what I was doing (choices) she would let me know about it over and over again. My mother is the queen of beating a dead horse.
Kind of sounds like my momma . Are we releated? lol
You know what I did?
I joined her to the verizion family plan and packed my %%%% and moved away. Feels good and now she is only a FREE phone call away when we need to talk
People pleasers unite! I feel your pain, that's for sure. We have wanted to move for about 10 years. First I felt like I had to wait until my parents passed. They were both elderly and unwell, and I lived next door and was pretty hands on with them. I also had the only grandchildren and they loved them to death. I knew if we moved, they would have a fit and I would feel awful. When I told them I was leaving my first husband, my mother did not talk to me for 2 years because she thought I was making a mistake, so I lived in fear of what she would do if I told her I was moving away. Call me weak, but I just could not deal with her. So, we waited. 7 years. They died 8 weeks apart to the day. We began to make plans for the move we have always dreamed of, and now my sister has cancer and absolutely hysterical that we would THINK of moving. Would not discuss it, acted like a baby about it - I had to go to therapy to deal with my guilt...it was like dealing with my mom all over again! And you know what? We are moving anyway. FINALLY. At some point pleasing everyone around you - particularly parents - becomes a losing battle, and you realize that this life that is yours is not a dress rehersal. You must suck it up, tell your parents your news, and let the chips fall. You are a big girl now, and I guarantee you that you will feel sooooo great when all is said and done - like a huge burden has been lifted. It will be unpleasant at first - you know that. BUT, after that, you will feel like you are finally living YOUR life, and you will surprise yourself at the confidence this will give you. Please do not do what I did, and wait too long...first it will be your parents, then it will be something else, and the next thing you know, ten years have gone by and your dreams are still on hold. Life is too short for that kind of waiting. Circumstances and people will never be exactly what they want them to be - it is up to us to make our dreams a reality. Start today.
When my mother-in-law saw the 'FOR SALE' sign on our house (my husband didn't tell her it was on the market, he was a scardy cat) anyway she was being driven in a car by a relative and they drove by on purpose because they are just plain nosey, she saw the 'FOR SALE' sign and lost it.
She did the following everyday for about 4 weeks until my husband cracked:
Went to my husbands job with plates of homemade food on a daily basis for weeks on end BEGGING him not to move and putting fear in him that if he moved, that I would leave him for another man... LOL
Would literally sit in her driveway waiting to see if his car came up her road and if he did, she would step out and stop him, begging.
She would call him on his cell phone & send emails hammering him NOT to do it, saying things like he will end up losing his new job (he had a job waiting making more money than here) note: we can both work anywhere.
She even went so far as to tell him that I must have another man near where we were moving to, otherwise why would I want to move there. (note, this is 1600 miles from home)
Berated me me calling me names, and telling me over her 'dead body' would I take her son away from her.
She won. Guess who I immediately cut off, she is not allowed near my house and wouln't dare try to come here, and pray is pushing daisies, asap? I can't move until she kicks. And guess who has been in his own bedroom since? It's been 3 years since this happened.
I tried threatening divorce, among other tactics, and it did not work. Mama has the hold on him NOT me, and we are 50 years old. Isn't that sickening?
My sister and I moved away from where we grew up 40 years ago. Mama wasn't upset in any way. Our brothers were in the Navy and already gone and it just seemd the thing to do, to go be near our brothers. It wasn't long and Mama followed us.
To me, you have raised your children sucessfully when they can go off and make their own place in the world and should be proud of them. My own son and his family moved far away for his job and I had no problem with it. I am proud of the life he has made where he is.
Broke the big new to my parents on Thanksgiving. Well more precisely hubby broke the news to my dad while they were watching football after thanksgiving dinner. Dad decided it wasn't the best time to tell my mom. He offered to break the news to her after they got home (but not during the 1.5 hour car ride home - even he was concerned). Dad was great. Very supportive, as long as I'm happy, he's happy.
An hour and a half after dad and mom left, I get a phone call from mom and the SHOCK of my life. She's just as supportive and even knew that someday we would move south (although she thought FL). Mom's sad but has been great. Very understanding and like i said supportive of our decision. If it's what we want she is behind us 100%. I'm sure there will be many tears shed between now and the day I finally move (staying behind to sell house).
All and all the news was well received by both families. Today I'm telling my boss.
Hubby and I are both very excited but nervous and scared all at the same time. Those that moved already did you go through this? One minute we're SO excited the next, we're wondering if it's the right thing to do then back to excited. Is this normal?
Both sets of grandparents told me the best thing I could ever do was to move away from my parents. I did! I've lived all over the country and have loved the adventure!! I will say my parents refuse to come visit us, or my brother in Texas. We have to come to THEIR house. Well, my comments have been, if you want to see your grandkids, then you can come here. We have bills and committments and it's not easy to make a 12 hour drive to visit. So they just don't see the grandkids...because they're adamant that we do it their way. There are four of us and three live in different states than our parents...and the one who does live in the same town won't speak to them. Gotta love family!
Oh, and I will say that as a kid my father's job moved us every two years. We grew up in a suitcase and moving van. The longest we lived anywhere was almost 4 years!
My mom is a control freak as well, but as time goes by she is learning to let go. Maybe she really does know what is best for each of us, but she also knows we have to find out for ourselves. All of us have inherited some of that control gene to an extent, but I try to beat it into submission.
I joined the Army; Mom protested and tried to change my mind. I got married and lived in another state; Mom protested and tried to change my mind. I got divorced and moved 700 miles away; Mom protested.. etc. I heard about all the family squabbles and feuds over the years and had no desire to take part in it, and I still don't.
When I moved to AL, I had to tell them all, parents & siblings, over and over, "This is where I want to be, and that's all there is to it. I'm an adult, and I can do this, whether you recognize that or not." While that sounds bad, it's what they needed to hear, because they were more concerned about controlling me than whether I'd be ok. They finally got used to the idea that I can actually do something that is right for me without clearing it with them first.
My kids were in grade school when we moved here, and my son is grown & gone now. My daughter is a junior in high school this year. I've always told my kids that I will support & encourage them in whatever they want to do with their lives, and, most importantly, no matter what ever happens to them, they always have a home with me. I think having that option will make exploring life a little easier for them.
My parents flipped when I told them I was leaving Chicago where I lived my entire life, to Denver with my boyfriend. It bothered them more that I was moving with someone I was not married to, and they were afraid I would be jobless and poor. Well it all worked out and I landed a job before I got out there. After the initial shock and madness they had towards me, they realized that I was leaving regardless of how they felt and even helped me out quite a bit. My brother also left so it was very hard for them to see their baby up and leave also.
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. Are we releated? lol
