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I can't say I see that trait much in people in this day and age. It doesn't matter where you are most don't talk. I notice it so much because I am the exact opposite. I talk to strangers where ever I am. I am glad I have that trait.
Come on down to Texas - you'll fit right in!
Here in northeast Texas, people are generally gregarious and friendly. It's not at all unusual for a total stranger to strike up a conversation while standing in line or even just out and about.
When we were visiting London a couple of years ago, my husband was wearing a Texas Rangers T shirt. We were in Trafalgar Square and suddenly we heard a familiar accent from about ten feet away. It was another couple visiting from Texas and they were approaching us with grins on their faces. We had a very enjoyable few minutes with these complete strangers, discussing what we had visited, where we were going next, etc.
Though I found the British to be quite pleasant, this was a fun and unexpected taste of home.
I can't really stand people who refuse to talk. They just seem suspicious to me. I never knew northerners thought the opposite. I really don't see how talking would be rude. Why be ignored?
Here in NC, it's not unusual at all to converse with "strangers", depending on who you consider a "stranger". At a checkout counter, in line somewhere, if a situation or something casually comes up, it's very natural to say a little something in a friendly, relaxed way. You can usually tell then who's from here and who isn't. Natives will usually respond very positively and newbies sometimes look at you like you're from Mars, lol. But it's not like you're cold-starting a conversation from out of nowhere. That's kind of weird. But I really like the friendliness. My wife's from MA and likes it as well.
I can't really stand people who refuse to talk. They just seem suspicious to me. I never knew northerners thought the opposite. I really don't see how talking would be rude. Why be ignored?
Traditional New Englanders were “town-born†and thus attentive to their neighborhoods and local associations, and more often than not rather interested in the affairs of the comity. This made them good neighbors but not always good friends. They might have to stand up in the Congregation and accuse the person next door of some breach of individual or community morality, which called for a certain reserve. As the half-savage neighbor in Robert Frost’s “Mending Wall†says, “Good fences make good neighbors.â€
Frost also wrote (in “A Considerable Speckâ€),
I have none of the tenderer-than-thou
Collectivist regimenting love
With which the modern world is being swept.
Until well into the 20th century even Massachusetts (certainly the rest of New England) would have been a red state, and a large part of that would have been due to the need to be neither “too far out nor too far in.†Frost wrote in “Build Soil,†“Don’t join too many gangs.â€
The story of Jonathan and David was never very popular in traditional New England, even as attached to the Bible as those hardy folks were. They preferred the dutiful reserve they found in Joseph (that is Mary’s Joseph); there has been a Joseph in my family every generation since 1634. Mrs. Stowe often said that the underlying foundation of New England life was a “profound, unutterable, and therefore unuttered, melancholy, which regarded human existence itself as a ghastly risk,†which is not an attitude conducive to forming loving friendships outside the family, nor to being sentimental about larger collectives.
My father (the last of the old time country doctors) and mother were loving and open and without guile, but had few friends. Willsons are a friendly bunch, but neither I, nor my brothers, nor my sister have had many friends. This Yankee trait still gets transmitted long after the culture (and the cult) that nurtured it has withered. Sometimes I admire the rituals of friendship that certain Southerners cultivate (they, after all, invented fraternities); more often, not. Grandma(s) said, “family first.â€
The historical reasons for people of Yankee stock having few friends has been lost with most of Puritan morality, but the legacy lingers on.
2. When people do actually talk to you, they're usually doing so with some ulterior motive, or aren't altogether with it. This means when a stranger speaks to you your guard naturally rises.
I spent all of my life in SoCal & was used to people being friendly & always open to casual conversation. Now after living in Western Washington for several years, spouse & I feel quite isolated due to the cold, aloof, distant people here. I actually had one old guy bolt away from me in the local Walgreen when I commented to him that they seemed to be out of nonfat milk!
Also, we learned that if our neighbors speak to us, it's not to be sociable, but because they want something.
I have noticed that one of the cultural things which varies pretty dramatically in the U.S. from region to region is whether or not people make causal conversation with strangers.
Growing up mostly in New England (as I was), you are impressed upon the idea that it's intrusive and rude to speak to someone who is minding their own business unless you have some pressing reason to do so. There are appropriate times to speak to someone (such as when being introduced by a mutual friend, or if you have to conduct business with them) but just going up to a random person and starting conversation simply isn't done. If a stranger does talk to you, it's generally safe to presume they are asking you for money, proselytizing, or just crazy.
As I got older and traveled around the country more, the more gregarious nature of people elsewhere (particularly in the Midwest and South) really took getting used to. I realized I had a natural "guard" up when people talked to me, because I presumed that any stranger who was shooting the **** had some ulterior motive (such as looking for money, or to save my soul, as mentioned above). The idea that a stranger would just make conversation for the hell of it was mind-blowing. People from other parts of the country have similarly been shocked when I've told them it's generally considered to be rude to speak to someone you don't know in New England.
Anyway, I'd be interested to hear the impressions from other people across the country on this.
It sounds like you're just an introvert.
I'm a sixth-generation native New Englander, and while growing up in southern New England, I always smiled amicably at and/or greeted strangers, made small talk with passersby and service people, politely held doors opened for people, etc.
However, every area of New England is very different in this regard. Some areas are nicer and friendlier than others.
Connecticut in particular, where I'm guessing you grew up based on your description, is arguably the least amicable, gregarious and polite place in North America. It's sad when people in Massachusetts and New Jersey are friendlier and more polite than you, LOL.
Some of the rudest, least pleasant interactions I've ever had with complete strangers have been in Connecticut (Fairfield, Trumbull and Old Saybrook, IIRC). Thankfully, I didn't grow up there, so I only had to deal with that attitude/mindset on occassion.
The strong maritime culture found in coastal New England, which by its very nature is friendly, could be another reason why much of Connecticut is so unfriendly. Most of the state does not have a maritime culture.
I'm a boater/sport-fisher and from a nautical family, and I've noticed that anywhere from about Waterford, CT to Provincetown, MA along the coast is generally friendlier than the more inland areas.
I'm also 3/4 Italian and 1/4 Irish, which are two generally amicable cultures. Ditto Greek and Portuguese. The ruder parts of New England seem to have more people of English and/or French stock.
Location: The place where the road & the sky collide
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerania
they haven't stood in line by me.
the pennsylvanian
Or me!
I'm a Michigan native. My mother always talkex to strangers in stores. When we moved to South Jersey it continued. I quickly found out that it was the same in Philadelphia. Now I'm in NC & it's the same here. Sometimes the natives are surprised if I speak first or when I respond, but then they can't quite pin down my accent.
I'm a Michigan native. My mother always talkex to strangers in stores. When we moved to South Jersey it continued. I quickly found out that it was the same in Philadelphia. Now I'm in NC & it's the same here. Sometimes the natives are surprised if I speak first or when I respond, but then they can't quite pin down my accent.
i was a bit off balance when i moved to north carolina. it seemed that not many people talked to me when i was out and about. i eventually realized that i wasn't talking to people. hey, i was the yankee with the funny accent; i didn't want to offend anyone. i fixed that problem and everything was fine.
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