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Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv
I read an article earlier today about the "pyramid of grief". According to "it", I'm not doing so well in the acceptance dept. According to "it", 1) I'm supposed to go out and find a job or go volunteer someplace, 2) I'm supposed to socialize, 3) I should not isolate myself and 4) I should rely on my "network".
Wellllll......1) I don't want to go out and find another minimum wage job and be worked to death for it, 2) I don't want to socialize, been there done that, 3) I like my home. I am comfortable in it! I like the peace and quiet more times than not. 4) I have NO NETWORK!
So guess I'm in pretty rough shape according to "them". I'd bet "they" would say I'm still in denial. I DO agree that if someone is having a really difficult time coming to grips with a death, they should seek therapy BUT I think these "experts" should stop telling people how to grieve.
Oh, "they" also said that symptoms of grief usually run from a few months to 2 years. Nothing like putting a time frame on it. Bah, just do what feels right for YOU. Bah-humbug.
What's a network? I like being a hermit and was one from the day I was born (only child)~~~has nothing to do with being a widow. I love my home, love living alone, so I guess I'm in rough shape also.
You eloquently summarized what I was trying to say. I wouldn't be able to marry someone who wasn't my best friend, yet many do. I'm not judging anyone, just saying every marriage/ relationship could be different than what some have.
It makes me wonder if those who divorce rather quickly had any friendship or other ties that connected them to the other person.
Thanks for telling me I belong here. Yes, Crick was a "one and only" package of many things.
MSR
I put most of my "eggs" in "one basket" when my husband was alive. (Except for my sons.)...I had a few close friends but we didn't see or talk to each other all the time...My husband was my best friend. We were "everything" to each other. (All rolled into "one!")...Some of the couples we knew split-up according to gender. There was a definite "line" drawn down the middle between men and women and husband and wives, etc. (Segregation based on gender!)...But my husband and I didn't operate this way. He didn't spend all of his time with "the guys." And I didn't hang-out with "the gals!"...We had "common ground" between us and mutual and shared interests...Actually, my Mom and Dad were like this too. (Even way back in the 40's and 50's!)
I read an article earlier today about the "pyramid of grief". According to "it", I'm not doing so well in the acceptance dept. According to "it", 1) I'm supposed to go out and find a job or go volunteer someplace, 2) I'm supposed to socialize, 3) I should not isolate myself and 4) I should rely on my "network".
Wellllll......1) I don't want to go out and find another minimum wage job and be worked to death for it, 2) I don't want to socialize, been there done that, 3) I like my home. I am comfortable in it! I like the peace and quiet more times than not. 4) I have NO NETWORK!
So guess I'm in pretty rough shape according to "them". I'd bet "they" would say I'm still in denial. I DO agree that if someone is having a really difficult time coming to grips with a death, they should seek therapy BUT I think these "experts" should stop telling people how to grieve.
Oh, "they" also said that symptoms of grief usually run from a few months to 2 years. Nothing like putting a time frame on it. Bah, just do what feels right for YOU. Bah-humbug.
Great post Tami!...It's hard to just "fall in line" and "say" what people expect to "hear" from me!...I've always been an "oddball" and non-conformist anyway! (All throughout my life.)...And I don't want to switch and change at this "late-date" just to "please" someone else!!
When was your birthday, CA? Belated Happy Birthday wishes. How was YOUR birthday? What did you do to celebrate?
Glad you went to your friend's for Thanksgiving. While potentially not ideal, it is about the memories we create each day now. In another year you'll have a different set of memories, if you want, when recalling this holiday.
MSR
Thanks MSR!...My birthday was right before Thanksgiving and I spent the day alone...Well, I took the friend I've been "helping" to the grocery store in the morning. And he insisted on buying me a small cake (for my birthday) in the store. This was nice! But we didn't share the cake together since he bought a cake for himself too. And we didn't go out to eat...After I dropped my friend off, I went to the other grocery store in our area and bought myself a small ham (with all the "fixins") for my birthday meal...I received a few cards and phone calls from friends who remembered my birthday. This was nice.. Thanks for asking about my birthday! How did you do on Thanksgiving?
Cal, I just sat in my car and watched people enter and leave the restaurant, and I sat in my car for about ten minutes and I started to get flash backs of when we went out and so left. But, truly I enjoyed watching people and their happiness.
Tam, I guess we rate the same on the grief scale.
Mtn. States, you know I have to share this, what a pleasure it is for me to read your posts. You ground me. Thank you for sharing.
Hugs to all and a all goodnite.
Smilin...Thanks for sharing. I always want to be happy for other people too!...I don't want to become bitter or "hard" or "mean-spirited" either!...Nice of you to "support" other people (and families) on Thanksgiving in your own private way!.. Good for you! Right on!!
CA, my daughter's b'day is Nov. 27th. It was the day before Thanksgiving this year. Sometimes it falls on turkey day too. She was born the Saturday after turkey day that year. Went into labor Friday night though.
Thanks, CA, Tami for your kind words. I am not into holidays too much. But, I bought myself a new flat screen television, Smart t.v. with all of the appointments, and so that will keep me company during the holiday season. I am so dang excited. I kinda got carried over-board and bought a much too expensive t.v. (I sometimes forget my income is half what it us to be) and I took it back to Best Buy, THEN left my purse at home. It is only a 30 minute drive to Best Buy, 21 miles, so I put 88 miles on my car today for a television..kept me busy. I am a techie person, thank goodness.
CA, my daughter's b'day is Nov. 27th. It was the day before Thanksgiving this year. Sometimes it falls on turkey day too. She was born the Saturday after turkey day that year. Went into labor Friday night though.
Happy belated B'day!!!
Thanks Tami...Happy belated birthday to your daughter too! Are you going to spend Christmas with your neighbor?...Smilin and I have decided to "get together" for Christmas. YEA! We're both excited about it.
Thanks, CA, Tami for your kind words. I am not into holidays too much. But, I bought myself a new flat screen television, Smart t.v. with all of the appointments, and so that will keep me company during the holiday season. I am so dang excited. I kinda got carried over-board and bought a much too expensive t.v. (I sometimes forget my income is half what it us to be) and I took it back to Best Buy, THEN left my purse at home. It is only a 30 minute drive to Best Buy, 21 miles, so I put 88 miles on my car today for a television..kept me busy. I am a techie person, thank goodness.
Good for you! Great that you decided to spoil yourself!
Thanks Tami...Happy belated birthday to your daughter too! Are you going to spend Christmas with your neighbor?...Smilin and I have decided to "get together" for Christmas. YEA! We're both excited about it.
That is so awesome you two! Sure hope you guys have a good time. Who's doing the traveling or are you meeting someplace 1/2 way?
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