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Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
4,922 posts, read 8,576,783 times
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Our family was "emotional stuffers", too. My dad, I'm positive, suffered PTSD from his WWII service, but those guys were told to "toughen up", deal with it and move on, so he did, and he rarely spoke of his experience other than tell lighthearted stories. He was a medic, so you know he saw some really gruesome stuff. He and my mom were very stoic, and after my mom died when I was 15, I don't ever remember seeing my dad grieve. For that reason, I didn't either. I didn't want to look like a baby and have him say something like, "toughen up", so I just stuffed it. I'm sure that had a lot to do with my acting out, and being a wild child in High School.
When my step-mom died, I lost it, and again a few months later when my dad died, I totally lost it. The reason was that I could lose it in private as I was staying at my parents with just my two little ones. Once they were asleep, I could cry and nobody cared. When my husband died, my youngest son, then an adult, couldn't stand hearing me cry, so again, I stuffed it. I stuffed it for almost four years, and now, I don't know how to unstuff it. Now that my son has his own place, I've been able to play two songs that really get me crying so hard, I'm finally unlocking the grief ~~ "All I Have" by Beth Nielson Chapman about her husband who died very young, and "In This Life" by Brother Iz (a Hawaiian singer who died young of obesity). Those will really open the floodgates, and I'm exhausted after all the crying. It's progress, though....
Those will really open the floodgates, and I'm exhausted after all the crying.
It's progress, though....
I think that exhaustion is called "catharsis", and it is progress. I know the experience of crying it out, thinking you are over, and then crying some more. Then finally you are just tired and maybe feeling finally a bit empty and resigned to things?
I wonder if I have stuffed my partners loss. I have at work, but not elsewhere...for me its more of a sadness. I think I am far enough along that I don't have the random crying things, but the sadness is still there...sometimes more than others.
Our family was "emotional stuffers", too. My dad, I'm positive, suffered PTSD from his WWII service, but those guys were told to "toughen up", deal with it and move on, so he did, and he rarely spoke of his experience other than tell lighthearted stories. He was a medic, so you know he saw some really gruesome stuff. He and my mom were very stoic, and after my mom died when I was 15, I don't ever remember seeing my dad grieve. For that reason, I didn't either. I didn't want to look like a baby and have him say something like, "toughen up", so I just stuffed it. I'm sure that had a lot to do with my acting out, and being a wild child in High School.
When my step-mom died, I lost it, and again a few months later when my dad died, I totally lost it. The reason was that I could lose it in private as I was staying at my parents with just my two little ones. Once they were asleep, I could cry and nobody cared. When my husband died, my youngest son, then an adult, couldn't stand hearing me cry, so again, I stuffed it. I stuffed it for almost four years, and now, I don't know how to unstuff it. Now that my son has his own place, I've been able to play two songs that really get me crying so hard, I'm finally unlocking the grief ~~ "All I Have" by Beth Nielson Chapman about her husband who died very young, and "In This Life" by Brother Iz (a Hawaiian singer who died young of obesity). Those will really open the floodgates, and I'm exhausted after all the crying. It's progress, though....
Marcy....I'm glad you don't feel stifled anymore...I went through delayed grief myself. (Because I had to deal with so many deaths in row.) I played soldier for too long!
Our family was "emotional stuffers", too. My dad, I'm positive, suffered PTSD from his WWII service, but those guys were told to "toughen up", deal with it and move on, so he did, and he rarely spoke of his experience other than tell lighthearted stories. He was a medic, so you know he saw some really gruesome stuff. He and my mom were very stoic, and after my mom died when I was 15, I don't ever remember seeing my dad grieve. For that reason, I didn't either. I didn't want to look like a baby and have him say something like, "toughen up", so I just stuffed it. I'm sure that had a lot to do with my acting out, and being a wild child in High School.
When my step-mom died, I lost it, and again a few months later when my dad died, I totally lost it. The reason was that I could lose it in private as I was staying at my parents with just my two little ones. Once they were asleep, I could cry and nobody cared. When my husband died, my youngest son, then an adult, couldn't stand hearing me cry, so again, I stuffed it. I stuffed it for almost four years, and now, I don't know how to unstuff it. Now that my son has his own place, I've been able to play two songs that really get me crying so hard, I'm finally unlocking the grief ~~ "All I Have" by Beth Nielson Chapman about her husband who died very young, and "In This Life" by Brother Iz (a Hawaiian singer who died young of obesity). Those will really open the floodgates, and I'm exhausted after all the crying. It's progress, though....
Marcy,
As you focus on yourself and your feelings, not helping others, your feelings will come out. Music, pictures, movies...anything you have to remind you may bring a stream of tears. Let them come out. They have been stuffed too long.
Marcy....I'm glad you don't feel stifled anymore...I went through delayed grief myself. (Because I had to deal with so many deaths in row.) I played soldier for too long!
I agree, CA. You played soldier too long potentially because it is what you knew. I'm so happy you've had new experiences this past month!
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
4,922 posts, read 8,576,783 times
Reputation: 8044
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mtn. States Resident
Marcy,
As you focus on yourself and your feelings, not helping others, your feelings will come out. Music, pictures, movies...anything you have to remind you may bring a stream of tears. Let them come out. They have been stuffed too long.
Wishing you the best
MSR
You're right, the feelings are coming out, and just like you said, now that I'm not having to keep things inside to please my son. It's not like floodgates opening, but little things like a picture of Bob that reminds me of a wonderful time or a song (yesterday I heard Celine Dion's "The Power of Love" in the car and almost had to pull over), and ironically, Criminal Minds. The last episode we saw together, Bob said, "Well, I guess we won't be hiring those guys for any remodeling anytime soon" as it was about three guys who were in construction and they killed their boss and drywalled him up between some wall studs. Anyway, they're remodelling one of the condos in my building as the buyer is making major changes, and that episode came to mind, and made my throat tight. Thanks for your wishes! I really appreciate them!
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It Will Come Naturally
Agree
The last episode we saw together, Bob said, "Well, I guess we won't be hiring those guys for any remodeling anytime soon" as it was about three guys who were in construction and they killed their boss and drywalled him up between some wall studs. Anyway, they're remodelling one of the condos in my building as the buyer is making major changes, and that episode came to mind, and made my throat tight. Thanks for your wishes! I really appreciate them!
