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Good morning to the best bunch of friends a person could ask for!
I'm still fighting this silly cold...and the weather is cold still too. Did bring the dog in for a little while at a time until he got bored and wanted back out to keep an eye on things outside--silly guy! He did stay out all night but I made sure he had his cat with him---ha--with the 2 of them inside the dome in the playhouse with tons of warm blankets they seem to be quite comfortable! I still wake up and worry during the night but if I go out and disturb them they will come out of their warm cozy bed! The back of this house is just so cold--I probably should give in and have the propane guys come out, check out the heater and give me some gas. It's all there but gas scares me and it's in the attic and the heater is already not been turned on for over 2 years. Woke up to my hot water pipes frozen--I'd left the water running last night but apparently not enough of the hot water was on. This is not the first time but I always had my DH here for advise before now I just have to do my best. Then I remembered I hadn't covered the outside faucets--oh winterizing--what fun! Not sure when I've really had much time to grieve...between trying to keep DH's ebay business up and going, pay bills, trying to sell the transmission items in the shop, trying to sell my truck for a small car--well my time has been pretty busy. My poor critters suffer because I don't even have time to just sit and love on them. Hopefully things will slow down once I get myself better organized. I do believe the items in the shop are sold--not for a lot but it will be better then metal weight, still have people watching for a car for me that I can do an even trade for my beautiful truck--will miss the truck but not the gas it uses. I feel terribly overwhelmed that by 5-6pm I am exhausted. And cry, yes I cry a lot! I yell and my poor critters look a t me like I'm upset with them so I assure them it's is not their fault! But it all does help release so much anxiety and pain built up inside of me. Both my son and my daughter have called regularly and my son is taking some vacation time to come over and help out with whatever I may need help with. That helps and make me feel good that they care but I still am lonely. I see the man in front of me at church with his arm around his wife and it make me feel sad....I miss that hugging and holding. So much to adjust to and not sure how or when it will happen.
Good morning to the best bunch of friends a person could ask for!
I'm still fighting this silly cold...and the weather is cold still too. Did bring the dog in for a little while at a time until he got bored and wanted back out to keep an eye on things outside--silly guy! He did stay out all night but I made sure he had his cat with him---ha--with the 2 of them inside the dome in the playhouse with tons of warm blankets they seem to be quite comfortable! I still wake up and worry during the night but if I go out and disturb them they will come out of their warm cozy bed! The back of this house is just so cold--I probably should give in and have the propane guys come out, check out the heater and give me some gas. It's all there but gas scares me and it's in the attic and the heater is already not been turned on for over 2 years. Woke up to my hot water pipes frozen--I'd left the water running last night but apparently not enough of the hot water was on. This is not the first time but I always had my DH here for advise before now I just have to do my best. Then I remembered I hadn't covered the outside faucets--oh winterizing--what fun! Not sure when I've really had much time to grieve...between trying to keep DH's ebay business up and going, pay bills, trying to sell the transmission items in the shop, trying to sell my truck for a small car--well my time has been pretty busy. My poor critters suffer because I don't even have time to just sit and love on them. Hopefully things will slow down once I get myself better organized. I do believe the items in the shop are sold--not for a lot but it will be better then metal weight, still have people watching for a car for me that I can do an even trade for my beautiful truck--will miss the truck but not the gas it uses. I feel terribly overwhelmed that by 5-6pm I am exhausted. And cry, yes I cry a lot! I yell and my poor critters look a t me like I'm upset with them so I assure them it's is not their fault! But it all does help release so much anxiety and pain built up inside of me. Both my son and my daughter have called regularly and my son is taking some vacation time to come over and help out with whatever I may need help with. That helps and make me feel good that they care but I still am lonely. I see the man in front of me at church with his arm around his wife and it make me feel sad....I miss that hugging and holding. So much to adjust to and not sure how or when it will happen.
Cyn, your mourning goes on along with all the things you're doing that keep you busy ( and it sounds like you're very busy!), and even as you're doing so well to move on, there are times that the grief rears it's head and seems like it stabs you right in the heart. It pops up unexpectedly sometimes, as in your seeing the displays of affection between the couple in church, and it reminds you of your DH, and how much you miss him. I don't know any way to alleviate that hurt, other than just to know it will happen, and when you're able, to think of a good memory you shared with your DH, and hold onto that.
And crying, screaming, even cussing if you feel like it is a good way to release the hurt and pain inside you, so don't hold it back when you feel like it. I'm sure the good Lord, and anyone else who might catch wind of it would understand where you are coming from it, and sympathize.
It still tickles me when you mention your Bubu ( isn't that his name) dog and "his" cat- what a great friendship these guys must have. And despite your thinking you're neglecting your critters, be assured they KNOW how much you love them with all the care and attention you've given them, and will again when you can. I bet they understand more than you think they would.
Sorry about the problems with the cold weather- frozen pipes and all that- I can understand your fears about gas, would electric space heaters do anything for the rooms in the back of the house that's so cold?
Sorry too, about your being sick- that can't help anything you're trying to accomplish as it lowers your resistance, makes you tired and it's harder to concentrate on anything. I can sympathize as I've had a lousy cold for about the last month or so, and I can't shake it. I thought it was getting better, but then it reared it's ugly head again, and now I'm sniffing again, and have such a barking cough that the alligators out in the mangroves behind our house are looking this way for possible mates, I think! And our lovebird's picked up our sneezes and coughs too- he's not sick, he imitates everything he hears.
I'm glad to hear that your son and daughter are staying in touch, and your son will be around to provide help and moral support when you need it!
Now my Doctor wants me to take Cymbalta, the antidepressant...took first one yesterday and woke up nauseated with a headache. Not a good start. Not sure if I wish to even go there. Have not taken the second one yet....I did start weaning off my ADD meds as I am sure they don't help with anxiety and might even be part of the weight loss problem. Never have been in the past but things change. I have lost 4 more pounds so that is why the doctor put me on the Cymbalta. It scares me too when I keep losing weight. I really have been trying to make myself eat but I guess it hasn't been enough. The man getting the transmission things in the shop is coming tomorrow and Sunday. Even though that is a good thing it to is emotional as well.
Cyn, Give the meds a try, it takes time for the body to adjust. And if you can't eat more, which I can understand, maybe try to eat things that are richer in calories? I so wish I lived closer, I would try to cook for you and make you smile.
Big hugs.
Cymbalta is out! I woke up 2 days so sick and a horrible headache...that with anxiety, a cold and depression--don't think so. Once again my body is not going to agree with this. And in reality there is no such thing as a "happy pill". It my help with some things but for me it's not worth the side effects--again! I am such a slow learner. I decided I am just going to concentrate on eating and am working very hard at giving it over to God---that's hard for me--I am quite bull-headed but I am working on that! Smile! I am also cutting my ADD meds in half as my doctor and I discussed---well I take them every other day now and that seems to work well for now. I refuse to lose this battle!!!
Cymbalta is out! I woke up 2 days so sick and a horrible headache...that with anxiety, a cold and depression--don't think so. Once again my body is not going to agree with this. And in reality there is no such thing as a "happy pill". It my help with some things but for me it's not worth the side effects--again! I am such a slow learner. I decided I am just going to concentrate on eating and am working very hard at giving it over to God---that's hard for me--I am quite bull-headed but I am working on that! Smile! I am also cutting my ADD meds in half as my doctor and I discussed---well I take them every other day now and that seems to work well for now. I refuse to lose this battle!!!
Sorry the pill is not working for you, Cyn. My first pills did not work well either but my 2nd ones did. Yes, there ARE "happy pills" but maybe your system is not wired to taking meds.
A natural calming pill is Saint John's Wort. The only side effect my doctor told me was if you need an operation, the anesthesiologist needs to know you take it. I used to take it before for my stressful job before death plunged me too far down for the natural remedy to work.
I hope you find something that will take the "edge" off. So been there.
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