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Cyn, do you think the guy would give you a commission on what he sales for you? Check it out - would not hurt to ask him. Hope you went to Church and feel better today.
He might but I won't even ask---I am just happy to get rid of it. Yes, I can use the money but it's costing me more then money in stress just by having it to worry about. DH's son came over yesterday, grabbed a few interesting gears from out in the building telling me he knew someone who could use them and I asked if he was going to get paid for them...he said he didn't know. Oh well, those couple of items were not worth much and I'm sure just the phone and a few groceries he has dropped off here and there were worth whatever he might get anyhow. He told me I should just basically sell all the things for scrap metal because he doesn't think anyone will know enough to do much with all the things and I'm guessing he sure doesn't want me to ask him for help--which I won't! He is an odd one for sure. Never know what his attitude is going to be. Time to go to my grief group so everyone have a nice day.
I have a lot to think about and consider from my meeting with my new therapist. She may be a lot better then I gave her credit for. Every therapist is so different as is their approach. And of course this whole thing is new for me too--the grief thing. She is starting to dig into my life but in a good way--an interesting way. She is making me ask myself lots of questions about what I want...questions I have been asking for awhile now. At least I have someone to discuss it with now. It does hurt because I am so tired of being so easy and soft--hurt so easily. What happened to my self-confidence? My self worth.....Seems like it just vanished and I am not even sure when. Lots of work ahead for me it seems.
Where is your self confidence? It's still there inside you. You just have to let it come to the surface. Time for you to take charge and do what is best for you. Don't worry about not pleasing everyone. No one can do that anyway.
You have been through a very emotional and hard time of your life. That is in the past and you can't change that or ever forget.
But now you have to brace up and remember the good times but also look toward the future. Although I'm sure you have many friends, right now you are your own best friend. Take care of your best friend.
You can't dwell on the past. None of us can change the past. Remember fondly the good times with your DH and be thankful for the years you had together. He doesn't want you to grieve forever. He wants you to be yourself and regain your confidence and self worth.
Please Cyn, don't disappoint him. The grieving process will take some time. But please don't let it consume you.
The reality is, this is now your new life and future. It is up to you what you do with it.
I know this is kind of a harsh post and I don't want you to take it the wrong way.
From what I've read you're health seems to be pretty good except for all the stress you've been under. You may have many years left to you. Enjoy your grandkids, your kids, your fur babies, and just being alive to let you do that.
I wish you the best Cyn. Remember the past fondly, but enjoy what is pleasant in the present and what may be in the future.
You aren't soft. You have proven that to everyone who has followed all your posts. Now Cyn, it is time for you to prove it to yourself. I know you can do it.
You don't need to rush anything, feelings cannot be rushed anyway. But just know that you haven't changed, only your circumstances have.
So, I can't remember if I mentioned it before but Miranda had surgery yesterday, they removed her port-a-cath, and everything went very smoothly; she ate normally once back home, and was running all over the place last night, lol.
Good to hear about Miranda Sudcaro. She is such a joy to a sometimes downer thread! My little angel!
Robhu, your post was not one bit harsh--just reality and I know that. It is so easy to know it but to practice it can seem so hard sometimes. But as Sudcaro said--it all takes time. I have no interest in finding myself "stuck" in grief. I just have little patience with myself and want to be better now! Ah, all good things take time. Thanks for caring!
Good to hear about Miranda Sudcaro. She is such a joy to a sometimes downer thread! My little angel!
Robhu, your post was not one bit harsh--just reality and I know that. It is so easy to know it but to practice it can seem so hard sometimes. But as Sudcaro said--it all takes time. I have no interest in finding myself "stuck" in grief. I just have little patience with myself and want to be better now! Ah, all good things take time. Thanks for caring!
They sure do, Cyn, and it's obvious that you're plugging along working through that grief,but it's not an instant process, by any means. And you're taking positive steps to get there. But it is a slow gradual process, and I guess that slowness in the process may come through to others when you're writing about the process, your good days and bad days in a forum- so hence the advice you may get which is part of the well wishes and support, I think. I'm struggling to say this right and I hope it makes sense. I guess it's a little like your supporters and well wishers, while we know it's a slow process and we know you have good days and bad days, we wish the bad days would go away right now too!
You write so well, illuminating the very human struggles with your grief and loneliness, and sometimes that feeling you've lost your sense of direction, but your ongoing determination to get through it, and to continue doing what you need to, and to move on- Cyn, this makes those with whom you've shared your struggles and your life admire you more, you've taught us more than you'll ever know, and also given us confidence that you will, indeed, come out wiser and better than you have ever been for the experience. It will take time, but you will get there.
cyn this thread is a cyber journal and journaling has been proven how good it is for all of us in positive ways. So you post away each post sounds a little bit stronger will you have down days sure just part of the process sista.
Sudcaro that is awesome news on Miranda congrats. Do you think she'll get to start some kind of school soon? I bet she'll love being around all those children without hospital gowns on.
It has been 28 months since I lost my husband and only 3 and 4 months since I lost my precious dogs. I am grieving. How can I not grieve, the only family I knew is gone. I have just now found new friends that are loving and caring, I am seeing a therapist and taking a class in how to cope with grief. It is a individual process because every relationship is different. When you are ready to move on in life you will do so. It has only been a few months and to have watched your husband decline in health is very heart wrenching. I know grieving gets old and tiresome. It took me up until this time to get my self worth back, my identity back. It is like learning all over again how to live. You begin to realize you have only yourself to rely on, to make tough decisions. I am landscaping my property and I have to ask people some questions what would they do about this color or that color. You are doing all of the right things to help you get through the grief, it is a process and you are going through the steps. It is like starting life al over again, day by day, step by step. I am awfully proud of you. xxoo
Wrong! You are still a caregiver. A caregiver to yourself. Take time to do a good job. You owe it to yourself.
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