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You will have good days and bad. Ups and downs. It is a rollercoaster for at least the first year. I don't remember too much of the first year except the pain and anguish of the first 5 months. Then it really is a blur. The 2nd year was almost harder because I was living in reality then. Year #3 is going much better.
I know--everyone tells me the same thing but it is so hard to realize you really don't have all those friends you thought you had--the ones that cared and would be sure you were okay. I know I would check in on my friends--I guess that is a part of my pain today. I moved from CA and was basically forgotten.... Especially when my DH passed people just don't want to be involved--they don't know what to say I guess. Still, I would call just to let them know they are loved. I am blessed for the couple of people who do keep in touch and then of course all of you---this place saves me!
I understand the feeling, Cyn. Ever since Miranda got sick, some people just disappeared, they don't even send an occasional message to see if we're doing fine. Even people who live closer, actually. And if I take that first step to get in touch, I get no answer...
We feel forgotten, often. But that's life, so I've learned not to make a big deal out of it, even if some days it does feel like a big deal.
Big hugs my Cyn.
I'm going to go and lay down in my bed---I try not to fall asleep cause it's to early but tonight I feel like I just need to escape this day. So if I fall asleep then so be it. I'll just get up earlier---like midnight! Ha!
So much going my on in the 2 days! I missed reading this space for 2 days. Cyn, we all long for some sunshine. Things somehow fall in place once that sun shines bright and warm.
Including your sleep. Soon you will only wake up at 7:30 am or when your critters wake you up when they are hungry in the morning!
Try to stay warm until then. Today hasn't been a great day for me either Cyn. tomirrow is another day. Let's hope it's better.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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I wish I'd been told not to make any decisions for a year, but I wasn't, and in reality, I couldn't maintain two homes 900 miles apart. So, I flew up to CO three months after Bob died, and spent 10 days with my daughter (the one who embezzled everything worth anything) and made piles ~~ to AZ, to storage for oldest daughter, to Goodwill, to the Estate Auction people, and finally to the construction sized dumpster in the front yard...
I moved to Tucson not knowing a soul. I was literally a stranger in a strange town. I started from scratch. It is the complete opposite of my small town in the mountains of CO. Hard to get used to...
I also had to go through Bob's office and decide what to do with his office furniture, his paintings and pictures, plants, knick-knacks and all the stuff in his desk and console drawers. Fortunately, his law books, AmJurs and other books were old, so we gave them to the library and the Estate attorney kept all his files and his computer hard drive. Then we sold his building. This past November was five years, and I got his hard drive back from the attorney. It not only has his legal files, but all his emails, and stuff most computers have. Reading our old emails is really hard. It's like finding a box of love letters and reading them.
Tami's right. The first year is a total blur. The second year is when reality hits like a sucker punch in the gut and holidays are hard, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. The third year you finally see some light at the end of the tunnel, and by the fourth year, you settle into who the new you is. Now, I'm in my 5th year, and doing okay. I'm content. Not happy, not sad, but okay content. I enjoy living alone with my critters. I'm 63 and there has not been a man in my life. I don't want one. I'm not interested. I had the best for 36 years, and I'm fine living out my life as an old spinster.
I am the same age as you Marcy....I hope I don't feel like this for so long....but it sounds typical. These cloudy cold days are especially difficult. I did go to Sunday School this morning but missed church because I was concerned with the road conditions as it is freezing rain. I don't watch tv so here I sit. Getting use to being alone is very very hard for me since I have never been alone. I miss my DH so much----am considering cleaning out the ebay room---it's so cold in there but it will keep my mind busy! I am just so tired of being sad...
If you stay in NC.....at some point you might think about getting a kitten or puppy ..... you have been surrounded with death and dying.....so perhaps a baby critter would be a good change. Not that you need any more responsibility...and also you don't need any more anchors that limit your freedom of movement. Maybe not such a good idea.
A pet does wonder for the soul. For one thing they love us whether we are depressed or not. They are wonderful to cuddle with. Pets take us out of ourselves and sometimes that is something we really need. When we have a pet we are never alone. I love dogs but I would recommend a kitten for Cyn. They are independent little souls but they are always there waiting for a hug.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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^^Very true. Right after I got back here from my "house cleaning" in CO, one of my Yorkies began to get sick. She was 14 and developed kidney disease. She went downhill fast, so six months after Bob died, and three months after cleaning out our home of 35 years, I had to make the decision to put my baby to sleep. We had gotten her a "sister" in 2006, so I still had the younger Yorkie and my son's two cats (no pets allowed in his apartment). In November 2013, I finally decided to get Cassidy, a baby "sister" and found a super cute six week old Yorkie for her. They are super best buds, and I absolutely love seeing them play together. Cassidy is almost 9, and Tango will be 2 in August. Training Tango and going through the puppy chewing stage, and house training was a pain in the patootie, but worth it. All my electrical/compter, phone,TV, iPad cords were replaceable. The cats are 11 and 13, and seem to be healthy, but they won't last forever, and that will be hard. I love those kitties!
If it weren't for having to get up every day to take the dogs for their walk, and during the day, I would never have gotten out of my funk, and I would never have met some of the people in my condo complex. Having pets really does do wonders for you. Just having someone so happy to see you when you come home from the grocery store makes you light up. Hugging them, petting them and playing with them gives you something/someone else to think of instead of dwelling on yourself.....
I have a Basset Hound and 5 outside kitties that found me so I had them spayed and neutered years ago and 4 inside cats aging quickly. I had my 27 year old cat put down last year..sigh..that was hard but the worst of all way my Taz...my love of 23 years I had to have put down just a couple of months after my DH passed. She left me feeling empty because we were so close. The dog was my husbands but we are bonding now. He still looks for my husband. My animals are my life. I love them all and do everything I can for them.
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Especially when my DH passed people just don't want to be involved--they don't know what to say I guess. Still, I would call just to let them know they are loved. I am blessed for the couple of people who do keep in touch and then of course all of you---this place saves me! 
