Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My DH has a sister that WANTS to be sick. When I was dx'd with SLE she wanted to know how my Dr. dx'd me & what my symptoms were. Surprise! She suddenly had all the symptoms and said she knew she had lupus but every Dr. she had seen refused to say she had lupus and they were forcing her to seek out new Dr.s for the paperwork so she could apply for disability.
When I ended up in a wheelchair she wanted to know how I "got" my Dr. to prescribe it for me and until she could get him to do it she would just pay for it herself. She didn't want a standard wheelchair, she wanted one like mine (still a manual chair, but lightweight and customized) and was pissed when I told her it was around $1900.
During a visit I discovered 2 of my fentanyl patches were missing from the box. When confronted she admitted she had taken them because she was in so much pain. DH made her give them back (he tore the one she was wearing off of her) and called the MPs to make a report so that I could have it replaced (otherwise I would have been short one). That was the last time she was allowed in our home and when we visit other family members my meds are in a lockbox.
Last year she finally stopped saying she had lupus and moved on to POTS after her cousin was dx'd. It was actually funny/pathetic when the cousin asked about her passing out and before she could finish the question SiL hit the floor.
My mother was like this. She wasn't a hypochondriac - because hypochondriacs FEAR illness. She WANTED to be "sick." Well not REALLY sick, just glamorously sick if that makes sense.
I nearly died when I read what you wrote about a wheelchair, because my mother desperately wanted one. The doctor would not prescribe one to her because - well, because she flat out didn't need one. So she got on the phone and called the church and told them "My husband won't let me get the wheelchair my doctor ordered - can someone help me out?" Not only did this get a lot of people mad at my dad for no reason, SOME do gooder BROUGHT HER A WHEELCHAIR. She met my dad at the door sitting in it, with a triumphant smile on her face. My dad was so furious! He got it out of her - who brought it to her - and called them and told them to come get this stupid wheelchair, which they did very shamefacedly.
Wow was my mom ever mad.
Fast forward a few years later and my mom really did fall and really did break her hip. Now THIS was more than she had bargained for - surgery and actual pain and all that - and then physical therapy! She wanted nothing to do with that - she wanted a "small, sweet little wheelchair so your father can push me around the neighborhood every day." The doctors and nurses kept telling her, "But you don't need a wheelchair - you will be able to walk if you will JUST GET UP AND DO THE THERAPY." She refused - and every time we'd show up, every day, to rehab, we'd find her SITTING IN A WHEELCHAIR. Someone kept bringing them to her - every time she asked - even though my dad and I, and the doctor, kept telling everyone on staff, "QUIT BRINGING HER WHEELCHAIRS!"
Finally you know how we got her up? My dad finally said, "If you don't get up and walk, I am going to put you in a nursing home, because I can't take care of you at home in a wheelchair, and not only that, our house isn't wheelchair accessible." And the doctor said, "If you don't get out of that wheelchair, YOU WILL DIE."
Once again, she was TICKED OFF. But she knew she was beat - so she very angrily got up and walked. And she walked for many more years.
Till she fell again and shattered other bones, because she had osteoarthritis. Then she really DID have to go in a wheelchair, and she was dead in a few months. Not at all her glamorous concept of having someone push her around, while she wasn't actually in any pain. No, she was in significant pain then - because generally speaking, people who are in wheelchairs are pretty darn disabled.
My mother was like this. She wasn't a hypochondriac - because hypochondriacs FEAR illness. She WANTED to be "sick." Well not REALLY sick, just glamorously sick if that makes sense.
I nearly died when I read what you wrote about a wheelchair, because my mother desperately wanted one. The doctor would not prescribe one to her because - well, because she flat out didn't need one. So she got on the phone and called the church and told them "My husband won't let me get the wheelchair my doctor ordered - can someone help me out?" Not only did this get a lot of people mad at my dad for no reason, SOME do gooder BROUGHT HER A WHEELCHAIR. She met my dad at the door sitting in it, with a triumphant smile on her face. My dad was so furious! He got it out of her - who brought it to her - and called them and told them to come get this stupid wheelchair, which they did very shamefacedly.
Wow was my mom ever mad.
Fast forward a few years later and my mom really did fall and really did break her hip. Now THIS was more than she had bargained for - surgery and actual pain and all that - and then physical therapy! She wanted nothing to do with that - she wanted a "small, sweet little wheelchair so your father can push me around the neighborhood every day." The doctors and nurses kept telling her, "But you don't need a wheelchair - you will be able to walk if you will JUST GET UP AND DO THE THERAPY." She refused - and every time we'd show up, every day, to rehab, we'd find her SITTING IN A WHEELCHAIR. Someone kept bringing them to her - every time she asked - even though my dad and I, and the doctor, kept telling everyone on staff, "QUIT BRINGING HER WHEELCHAIRS!"
Finally you know how we got her up? My dad finally said, "If you don't get up and walk, I am going to put you in a nursing home, because I can't take care of you at home in a wheelchair, and not only that, our house isn't wheelchair accessible." And the doctor said, "If you don't get out of that wheelchair, YOU WILL DIE."
Once again, she was TICKED OFF. But she knew she was beat - so she very angrily got up and walked. And she walked for many more years.
Till she fell again and shattered other bones, because she had osteoarthritis. Then she really DID have to go in a wheelchair, and she was dead in a few months. Not at all her glamorous concept of having someone push her around, while she wasn't actually in any pain. No, she was in significant pain then - because generally speaking, people who are in wheelchairs are pretty darn disabled.
UGH.
Amazing, isn't it? It simply confounds me that there are people like this who would rather have attention from total strangers than the respect and love of their family and friends.
Amazing, isn't it? It simply confounds me that there are people like this who would rather have attention from total strangers than the respect and love of their family and friends.
That was my mom!
She thought being in a wheelchair and having her husband push her around would make her look brave and heroic.
Funny how when she really did end up in one with a real condition, she didn't seem that jazzed about it. Probably because she was actually in pain at that point. Sad.
I know someone who has struggled (fighting a long, losing battle with metastatic cancer) with health issues for 20 years. I mean, these are real, serious health issues and she has run the gamut of procedures.
But I was gobsmacked when she told me yesterday, "At first it was fun. I enjoyed the attention."
I mean, she was honest at least. But dang. When she was initially diagnosed with breast cancer, it was fun?????? She enjoyed the attention???? That was food for thought, believe me.
I'd suspect she didn't mean the cancer part was fun, but rather the resulting attention. Especially since she knew that death was not imminent. Early on in her treatment, it might have been the only bright spot in her life.... I actually admire her a bit for owning it at least.
I have a relative currently in the process of dying from cancer. She was just diagnosed earlier this year and will likely not be here come next year. She might not admit it, but she was in her glory early on! She loves to think that she knows everything, and she is now the family cancer guru.
Did she love the cancer and dying part, no. Did she love the attention? Yep! And she probably still does, to some degree. I doubt she'd never admit it though. Honestly, she can have the attention. And she's welcome to enjoy it. I'm going to give a free pass to anyone fighting cancer. Because from what I've seen and experienced from a distance, it really sucks.
I know someone who has struggled (fighting a long, losing battle with metastatic cancer) with health issues for 20 years. I mean, these are real, serious health issues and she has run the gamut of procedures.
But I was gobsmacked when she told me yesterday, "At first it was fun. I enjoyed the attention."
I mean, she was honest at least. But dang. When she was initially diagnosed with breast cancer, it was fun?????? She enjoyed the attention???? That was food for thought, believe me.
When you think about it, this makes perfect sense, although it is strange to hear it articulated (there are many things we might think but just don’t say and we don’t even think about our not saying them or think of ourselves as hypocrites because it is just obviously something you don’t say). Often when you are first diagnosed with cancer, you have no symptoms or very minor symptoms. Sometimes too, instead of being panicked, people are still in a state of disbelief. But I feel fine! It can’t be anything serious! At the same time, however, you have people whom our society has invested with much authority (doctors) telling you, yes, you have a very serious illness, an illness which most people respect and take very seriously. So, of course you are going to get more attention. And, really, who doesn’t like having more people be nice to them? No brainer .... almost everyone.
In a very real sense this situation is the opposite of what people with serious mystery illnesses go through. They are really sick, but no one can find anything wrong with them, so it must be “all in their heads.” So unlike, the early cancer patient, they are truly suffering, but the same time they get very little support and positive attention. And that hurts!
I'd suspect she didn't mean the cancer part was fun, but rather the resulting attention. Especially since she knew that death was not imminent. Early on in her treatment, it might have been the only bright spot in her life.... I actually admire her a bit for owning it at least.
I have a relative currently in the process of dying from cancer. She was just diagnosed earlier this year and will likely not be here come next year. She might not admit it, but she was in her glory early on! She loves to think that she knows everything, and she is now the family cancer guru.
Did she love the cancer and dying part, no. Did she love the attention? Yep! And she probably still does, to some degree. I doubt she'd never admit it though. Honestly, she can have the attention. And she's welcome to enjoy it. I'm going to give a free pass to anyone fighting cancer. Because from what I've seen and experienced from a distance, it really sucks.
Oh, I agree that she meant the attention - heck, she TOLD me it was the attention that she enjoyed at first.
I also totally agree that she gets a free pass. Her life has been dominated, and ruined, by this long fight against cancer. And she's still fighting it and the goal is not to cure it but just to restrain it. She will be under some form of intensive treatment till the very end. It's terrible actually.
I was just taken aback by her statement that "At first it was really fun - I liked the attention."
When you think about it, this makes perfect sense, although it is strange to hear it articulated (there are many things we might think but just don’t say and we don’t even think about our not saying them or think of ourselves as hypocrites because it is just obviously something you don’t say). Often when you are first diagnosed with cancer, you have no symptoms or very minor symptoms. Sometimes too, instead of being panicked, people are still in a state of disbelief. But I feel fine! It can’t be anything serious! At the same time, however, you have people whom our society has invested with much authority (doctors) telling you, yes, you have a very serious illness, an illness which most people respect and take very seriously. So, of course you are going to get more attention. And, really, who doesn’t like having more people be nice to them? No brainer .... almost everyone.
In a very real sense this situation is the opposite of what people with serious mystery illnesses go through. They are really sick, but no one can find anything wrong with them, so it must be “all in their heads.” So unlike, the early cancer patient, they are truly suffering, but the same time they get very little support and positive attention. And that hurts!
I agree.
And then there are the people that others have described, including me - who AREN'T actually really sick, but love the attention that going to the doctor offers.
At one point, my mom insisted on having a big blood test done, and her doctor, who was "on to her," finally ordered it but did not file it under insurance (it all came back normal, as he expected). My dad then got a bill for nearly $1000. My mother was FURIOUS about that. My dad called the doctor and got "the rest of the story" and he ended up paying that bill. My mom then went on another "doctor hunt" but since they lived in a small town, her supply of doctors was getting smaller and smaller!
She enjoyed the attention but didn't want to actually be sick.
One time, she was in bed again, claiming to be sick - this time she was claiming that she had "torn a tendon" in her leg, though she refused to have an MRI, and my dad left but then came back because he had forgotten something. On a hunch, he looked in the window of her bedroom, where he had left her in bed - and she was not in bed. He looked in the living room window and she was up and walking with absolutely no limp and no problem. He came back in and said, "Wow, I'm surprised to see you up and about," and she began limping again, and said in a pitiful voice, "I just had to get up and get some water.." and limped back to the bedroom. He said, "Your doctor said you need an MRI - when is your appointment?" and she said weakly, "I canceled that. I don't need an MRI to know I have a torn tendon."
Sigh.
After a couple of days, she got bored in bed and got up and claimed that the rest had allowed her torn tendon to heal.
I'm reminded of the guy who came to the office hacking and wheeezing, and heard a co-worker comment on what a notorious hypochondriac he was. He looked up bleary-eyed and said "Hypochondriacs get sick, too, you know."
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
